Have separated from OH!!

Hi,
Sorry i know this probably isn't the right page to post this on but i spend most of the time on here!
I posted the other day that OH and I aren't getting on and was wondering whether we should have a break, well we had a big row today and i said i'd had enough and that i want to split and he said ok!

So thats it now he is working tonight so he is going to move out after work in the morning!!!
Been together 7 years and married for 1 year! seems like a waste and its horrible for my lo but i think its best for him in the long run as we will all be happier, i feel relieved to be honest! just haven't got the energy to argue every day!!
He has always had a short fuse but lately its got worse and i've been scared on a couple of occaisions and i've just had enough, i've tried talking to him so many times and he just carries on!!
I don't want my son in the middle of it! not sure where i stand now as i've just quit my job to look after lo full time! might have to sell up, i'll be gutted if i have to leave my house!

Not sure how i feel about things at the minute but i know its definate this time, he usually talks me round and i fall for it but he hasn't eve bothered this time!
Looks like i'm a single mum now! :cry:

Posts

  • Sorry to hear that - don't know what to say really but didn't want to read and run. It must be very hard - I've been with my OH for about the same time frame and having a baby does put huge strain on even the strongest of marriages. I think you're right though that it will be better in the long run for your son - it's alot worse for them to grow up in a hostile, angry environment. My mam was a single mam for quite a while and we were fine - you might actually find it easier than having a second, bigger baby to run around after i.e. a hubby!!

    Hope things work out OK - I'm sure all the ladies on here will offer their support.

    Rachael :\(
  • BIG HUG from me. Sorry to hear your story. Can you ring a mate up to come round and cheer you up? Tell them to bring wine, choccies and ice cream!!
  • Didn't want to read and run. Hope everything works out for you in the end.

    http://bd.lilypie.com/WOlEp1/.png


  • oh hun im so sorry to hear this. is there really no sorting it out? you poor thing! you must be a really strong person! hope it all works out whatever happens. big hugs! xxx
  • I really hope things work out for you! Being a single mum will be tough but as Rachael said at least you wont have a bigger baby to run round after, and if it really wasnt working then it's probably best for lo in the long run. My parents seperated when I was 6 and I don't remember any of it so your lo won't miss out. x x
  • Thats the thing i'm fed up of trying to sort things out its seems like i'm the only one trying, he acts like he's got it so hard, its me thats running round after them all day! like you say will be easier with one baby to look after!
    I'm sure it will be hard at first but once we get used to it things will be better apart!
    Thanks ladies!
    xx
  • Thats the thing i'm fed up of trying to sort things out its seems like i'm the only one trying, he acts like he's got it so hard, its me thats running round after them all day! like you say will be easier with one baby to look after!
    I'm sure it will be hard at first but once we get used to it things will be better apart!
    Thanks ladies!
    xx
  • If you know in your guts its over then stick to that. I was a single mum with two and it was hard. But really its kind of peaceful...certainly a more peaceful environment. My old oh was violent and parting from him took a lot of strength and made me stronger in the end. Its kind of a process, you may not feel better straight away but all the bad atmospheres and tension seems to take up so much of your brain not to mention walking on egg shells so you dont upset the oh...Then when they are gone, and the fog clears life seems so much easier and you may wonder what you saw in him and how you coped living under the same roof!! Was alone for a while, got to know myself, 13 years on and I have been remarried a year and have a lovely 3 month baby girl! Said I would never do it again but my present oh is nothing like the old oh. Be strong take one day at a time and trust your gut instinct xx
  • Thanks you! thats very comforting!
    He has never hit me or been close to it but i have noticed he is more agressive to me and i don't want it to go that far!
    Thanks for the support!
    xx
  • Hey you are welcome, an old lady once said "God knew what she was doing when she made women the mothers of children" lol when do you see men supporting each other like this eh? (bless them) x
  • Oh that's really sad to hear especially after such a long time together but at the end of the day if your relationship is making you both unhappy then it is going to be better for you and your lo that you are seperated and happy rather than together and unhappy.

    Good luck hun, hope things work out for you. Keep your chin up.
  • Im so sorry that you have to go through this but as long as you have enough support honey you will get through it and as you said it will probably be better for lo.
  • hi hun. your story mirrors mine.
    i split from my ex 3 months ago, and things are so much better now. i do still have hard days where i sit in the evenings thinking about all the good times...but then i remind myself how much happier me and my lo are.
    you'll get used to it quick and will be fine.
    phone tax credits (0845 300 3900) and income support (0800 055 6688), they can fill your forms out on the phone then you just have to go to the local job centre to finalise the income support. if your not working you'll get full income support which will also entitle you to full council tax benefit, not sure where you would stand on housing benefit if you own your house, the job centre will be able to tell you everything your entitled to anyway.
    we're all here to help you as well hunny.
    feel free to email me if you want to talk or need any more [email protected]
    keep your chin up...it will get better and easier.
    xxx
  • hi samantha - just a quick one to say i hope you are ok - what a day for you! just concentrate on yourself & your lo - it will probably be very hard at times, but remember what you have in your gorgeous baby! it may not have worked out, but it turned out you both did something right- your baby!

    am thinking of you

    xxxxxxxxx
  • You und like you are keeping it really together. My husband and I were on and off for the first five years of being together and it broke me every time he left but eventually I , like you felt like I just couldn't do it any more- if not to myself to our children.

    When I finally put him out 'for good' I was numb but deep down hurting too- I still loved him but I hated the person he had become. We were apart with absolutely no contact (apart from a few phone calls in the first few weeks) for 6 months and when we met up again to discuss our childrens future we ended up getting back together!!!

    The six month break was exactly what he needed- he had totally changed it was like meeting a new person all over again- he still had the same nice bits as before just loads more of them and we have had 15 months of absolute bliss- our marriage is perfect.

    All I am trying to say is keep strong- even if you are tempted to go back wait it out as long as you can. Get straight in touch with Citizens advice to find out how you stand where benefits are concerned and talk to ex about contact and maintenance.

    One thing I do know about benefits is that if you don't work the government will pay your mortgage BUT only after 40 weeks or something crazy like that- so if you could find some way of getting it paid for those weeks then it would be better for all concerned.

    Talk to your oh - he may be willing to come to some sort of agreement that he will pay the mortgage as his maintenance. Personally I relied on my parents who were great. If you want to calculate how much maintenance you will be entitled to go to csa if you put in his wages it will calculate for you (you don't have to put in personal details) . If you come to your own agreement it will be better for you tho as csa do take a cut of the money paid to them- but be sure to take chqs or standing order so that if things get messy then you can prove how much you have been given
  • So glad i posted this, you've all mentioned things i hadn't even thought about and i feel alot more confident now that i can manage on my own! who needs men ey??
    xx
  • you will find you are strongr than you think. my sis in law went trhough simliar and she copes brilliantly on her own. better to have two parents who are happy and apart than together and miserable. Im sure it will be hard for you to begin with as its emtional to seperate, but we are all here for you in any way we can be. chin up and enjoy your gorgeous baby, at least thats one thing you will never regret being married for!!
  • It good to see that you have been wise and decided to split for all the right reasons and not staying together for all the wrong reasons! You cant stay together for the sake of kids and i have no doubt youll do great as a single mum, and never forget you always have us here to rant to image x
  • Just packed his things for him! he is collecting them this afternoon, not sure how it is going to go but i will definately not fall into the same trap as i usually do! i'm determined this time!
    xx
  • You sound a very brave & independent person - unlike me!
    I hope everything goes ok for you. Sounds like you made the right decision, it isn't fair on lo to be in the middle of warring parents.
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