My OH is making my life hell - UPDATE

Hi everyone, just thought i would let you know how things are going. Not good if am honest. I told him yesterday that we were going to feed her my way. He wasn't happy but I made her bottle and warmed a little food and he offered to feed her while i did our dinner. He gave her her food first then her bottle, i would have done it the other way but i as long as he was doing it. I was out the room 2 mins and when i came back he told me "she doesnt need all 6oz so av just given her 4oz". I said she'll take as much as she needs but i might as well have been talking to a brick wall. He was at work at tea time so I fed her the way I wanted. She is sick quite a bit afterwards and he now thinks am feeding he too much.

In the end he told me to "do what you like I dont care" But everytime she was sick i get "she's had too much, your giving her too much"

I dont know why she's being sick but am not going to let her down again and she is being fed by me and my way. We're not speaking but i cant help that.
Also spoke to my HV, she is so nice and i think i now know why he is being like this. I wont go into it, i could be here for hours.

Thanks again ladies for listening
I best go little missy has her injections at 10



  • hi keza, I didnt get round to posting on your last thread. Its good to hear you raised your opinion and doing the best for your child. I have found, although I want to get oh involved with my daughters care, sometimes I find that if I do it myself and not ask him it will get done properly. For example sleeptime. Im trying pupd with her, he just gives in to easily and does his thing.
    At times my oh has liked to tell me that shes crying cos of hunger etc when I know its not true. I just bite my tongue! good to hear you have support from you hv.

    sorry, I havent exactly offered any adivce, I just didnt want to read and run image
  • Well done you babe! It takes a hell of a lot to stand up to some people and doing it in your own home must be even harder so really well done. Am glad you think you might have got to the bottom of why he feels the way he does as that will help sort things.
    Being sick after feeds is pretty normal but at least you've got a nice hv so you can talk to her if your worried.
    Take care x
  • All babies are sick sometimes hun, its just what they do!
    Well done you for standing up for you and your daughter, stick at it and hopefully he'll come round to your way of feeding her.
  • it going from bad to worse. Made her a bottle dinner time then went to grab a jar of food to find they are all gone. He through the lot in the bin. "she cant have both" is what i was told.

    I've had it I cant take any more
  • Hun, you need to be really strong for your lo and chuck this stupid bully out now. Is there somewhere you could go? Your parents maybe, or a friend? You owe it to your daughter to get her away from this. Sending huge hugs
  • Can you not get the hv to come out and talk to him?

  • we moved 120miles away to the lakes for the quiet life. Am taking LO to baby and toddlers tomorrow and will talk to my HV to see what i can do and where i can go.

    Hes not fat and has never had a problem with his weight.

    She's had her injections today so she grumpy and been asleep quite a bit. I will have it out with him tomorrow when my son has gone to school and LO is in bed.
  • Hi Hun.
    Sorry to hear things are not improving for you,it must be very upsetting and hard for you.
    I dont know what to suggest,only to echo everyone else that your little girl needs her milk,and prob just being sick because she took alot of milk and shes not used to it.She can also have a taster of jarred food,your doing nothing wrong in this as you know,but I simply cannot understand why your OH is reacting this way!you say you have an idea so I hope this will help you to resolve things with him in time,or at the very least partly understand why he's being this way.
    Was/is he controlling towards you?Is this just another way of controlling you?Could he be slightly jealous of the new baby?I just am looking for answers for you!
    Chat to your HV you need some help and support "out there",not just on here.
    All the best x
  • My god hun i would have to get him sorted out! What the hell is he on about she's getting fat, get her bloody red book out and show him she's doing fine! your posts have made me so mad, its hard enough being a mummy, knowing if your doing everything right and doing the best for your baby without being bullied by the one person who is supposed to support your decisions.
    well you have our support, your totally doing the right thing in feeding both food and milk...if it was one or the other it would e called swapping or changing...not WEEEAAANNNNing!
  • I don think personally, leavin the house will solve nethin. Sit him down nicely n calmly explain to him y u have made certain decisions bout her feedin n he can also tell u y he doesn agree with ur decisions, n both cum 2 a compromise may be cookin healthy meals n freezin them is a beta option. I could imagine how u feel but remember his her dad n has d best interest n rites as much as u do, no two wrongs make a rite. Also get ur hv to cum down n spk 2 him or make an app wit the gp n u both go along n raise d issues.

    U'l rather hav him bothered than him not care at all, make him undastand ur decisions nicely n not like his stupid or wrong n he'l feel bad 4 past reactions. Hope I,v bin able to help cos I feel so sorry 4 ur lo who's in the middle of it all. Jus realised wen it cums to men dey r jus big babies who need time n explainin 2 undastand things n goodluck

    Sending my hugs n we r all here 4 u n also al babies throw up as long as she puttin on weight dere's nothin 2 be worried bout.
  • have read both threads now, and was happy when i read you might have it under control earlier, but am sorry to hear he still isnt listening.

    Where abouts in the lakes do you live? Do you drive? I live south lakes so if you want to you could always come round or meet me somewhere if you needed to get away...?

    you need to get someone to intervene with him and tell him in no uncertain terms that he is harming his child and he could be prosecuted if things got that bad... she needs to eat a lot more than he is letting her just to be able to grow and develop normally.

    Please dont give in to doing things his way again, is there somewhere you could hide food to stop him throwing them away?

    I'm here if you need someone, you can email and we can meet if you want.
  • Hello, sorry to hear things arent progressing too well. You are doing the right thing HEs not, I would suggest you arrange for your HV to come around and talk to you generally about how your lo is getting on and then mention about weaning so its not too obvious shes round for him. it might not go down well with him!!
    I have found with ym husband that sometimes when a professional tells him something Ive been telling him for ages he finally understands what Ive been telling him.
    You say you have a son but your oh wasnt like this with him. Therefore there is obviously some reason why he is acting like this. How much time do you two spend together as a couple. Has he always been controlling or only to do with feeding. Is he jealous of the bond you have with your children? ALthough I cant understand why he wouldnt want to be doing things in your los best interest.

    Thinking of you and sending you *hugs* xxx
  • My thoughts are with you. Sounds like he needs a man to man chat with another father. Is there anything that a male friend or relative could do to have a word - or another dad who could tackle him. Somethimes they take it easier from a man. Your hv may even know of some male support groups.

    Good luck and stay strong.
  • He sounds a complete dick to be honest hun, you could do better than that surely? I know its easy for me to say but if he's making you unhappy thats no life is it? Make sure you feel your little girl how much she needs, not how much he wants her to have.

    If you need to talk we're all here love.

  • hi mummystephe i live 1/2 mile off junction 36 towards kirkbie lonsdale. i would like to take you up on your offer please

    Hi tallkatie am not scared of him and yes he's a tosser.

    We've been together 15yrs why is he doing this to me. He's breaking my heart
  • Hiya Keza - no problems at all. I live bout half hours drive from that junction. Send me an email (i've got the button enabled at the bottom of my posts ) and we can arrange something. image
    Will reply tomorrow though as I have to go bed now and try to get some sleep before my lil monster wakes me up tomorrow. Take it easy.
  • Keza- you aren't that far from me either - I'm about half hour away from you. If you (and stephe) want more company then I'm around too - in fact aren't you near the wildlife place?
  • me? I'm close to the South Lakes Wildlife park..... It would be a nice place to meet but it isnt cheap to get in.
  • Oh Keza, what an awful way to behave towards you both. I know you love him, but I would have to be honest in that i'd have told my hubby where to go by now. I almost kicked him out when we first had LO and he called him a little idiot as he was knackered in the middle of the night and Riley wanted his dummy. Sorry you're being put through this. I'd tell him that you said you were going to do things your way, she NEEDS not wants the food to grow and develop, and she will have it, and if he doesn't agree with your decision he may as well go as that's how it's going to be. Also I would say if I ever found any food in the bin again he wouldn't know what hit him and he'd certainly be buying a lot more than he threw away. I love my hubby loads, but he knows i'm in charge when it comes to Riley. Do you think a scare could be what he needs? xxx
    Thats the one I meant stephe - and i was confused - its near J35,not J36. I am directionally challenged!!

    will reply to your email
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