separation anxiety help!

ever since i went back to work LO has been a nightmare, he wont sleep through and hates when i leave a room, he wants be held all the time and its drving me nuts, i only work one day a week but as its a long day, i dont see LO for a whole day as i leave before he gets up and get home way after his bedtime (usually late out and long commute), i cant do anything about my job as i have to be there another 9 weeks before i can leave, which i am considering, hubby looks after him when i am at work so hes not too bad in the day just whingy,

we recently let MIL babysit for a few hours one eveing and he was awful that night, she shouted up the stairs and woke him up on leaving (thats a whole other issue that i need to discuss as i am not sure weather something might have happned that has esculated it as hes been worse since then) and i got about 2 hours sleep that night before my 12 hour shift!

has anyone any advise or do i just need to ride it out?


  • As for leaving them, if I remember correctly, it is supposed to help if you do a proper goodbye routine and let your son see you going. Wave bye bye etc. This is as opposed to sneaking off. You cant really help this if you have to leave for work before he gets up, and get home after he is down but try to make a point of doing it at any other time.

    While you are with him and he has his moments when you leave the room, return to him and get down on his level - don't pick him up! Resettle him by sitting with him, then distract him with something (toys etc). Then once he is comfortable, get up and continue with what you were doing. Playing lots of peekaboo is also supposed to help them realise that you can disappear but return. So play this lots - with scarves, big sheets, anything you can get your hands on. Put them over your son's head, and also do it to yourself and let him pull the cover off your head.

    It may be hard to crack at first if he is used to being picked up during these episodes but do persevere. Just sit down with him and wait it out. Even if it takes you a couple of goes each time you have to do it. He will eventually learn you arent abandoning him.

    Good luck hon x
  • poor wee man, mummabear has covered all that I was going to say, hope the mil hasn't done something your like me I dont trust any one lol, my ds stayed at my mils once when he was 5 and wet the bed for a full week after - never again image
  • thanx ladies i will try that, i have though about waking him to say goodbye but i leave just after 6 and hubby wouldnt be best pleased getting up with him then esp after a bad night, i have asked him to keep him awake this week although it could be an hour after his normal bedtime so might be hard for him to stay awake

    ps. the inlaws came over the other day and as soon as she saw them she bawled at them continuously until they left. she was fine immediately afterwards ! (snigger)

    :lol: good girl! i have the pleasure tomorrow :roll:

  • If you come home after LO's bedtime, could you pop into the room, pick him up and give him a big cuddle and kiss, without disturbing him *too* much? It might be enough for his to be reassured that you've come home.

    I have done this with Adam (7 mos) before and he's stirred but not really woken up - but he's nuzzled into my shoulder (which he does when he's tired) so I tell myslef he knows I'm there

  • I was going to post a reply but the other ladies have covered everything so well.

    In the morning could you try going in a giving him a quick kiss, just so he knows you are there? Then do like cath says go in and say goodnight.

    I am sure he will settle soon for you - you never know it might not be anything to with you going to work, if you think something may have gone on with the MIL???

  • i'm not sure it just seems a big coincidence that it started then, the night before she babysat he slept like a dream, i dont know how to approach it though as she a very minipulative and i dont need the hassle of her going straight to hubby
  • MIL's!!! They are a nightmare! OH mother is very kind to us, but y work she can sulk if she feels she is missing out!

    Has your OH picked up on it? Could you maybe vring it up with him first? x
  • I've no idea whether this would work but could you maybe try leaving a little video for your LO to view throughout the day. Or maybe you could arrange a quick phone call, where he could hear your voice. Just a thought but like I said at the beginning, I'm not sure if it would help xx
  • The phone call is a great idea. When hubby phones me during the day when my son is awake I always put it on speaker phone and he goes crazy! Grabs the phone and starts talking into/sucking it (not good for the phone but it's durable!)
    SA is supposed to start at around 10 months but my son started about 8 months so it can happen earlier!
    Another thing you could try if you think it would help is to move his routine forward. I did this recently for my son after receiving advice to consider the 24hr clock as a whole. I always thought that bedtime at his age (9 months) should be no later than 7/730pm but he was waking at 6am (sometimes earlier!) By shifting his bedtime to 8/830pm it resulted in his sleeping through til 7am. He still gets the same amount of sleep, just the times have shifted. This may work better for you if it means you get to see him before bed?
  • I second the phone call idea! As you know I go back the UK, usually for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. When OH phones Emilia always likes to chat too! She def recognises his voice, and like mummabear said, she also goes crazy! Only prob now is when my mums phone rings she thinks it for her!!!

    Joanna x
  • i'll try the phonecall, i do try but sometimes i struggle to get a pee break let alone time for a call!

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