Feeling guilty - advice please

Hi ladies,

Just after some advice really, my baby girl is just 11days old... And as the days go by I am feeling more and more guilty cuz I feel like I am willing her to go to sleep all the time image not because I don't want her awake but because she is very rarely content when she's awake, she'll be ok for 5 mins or so then she'll scream until she falls asleep and nothing seems to comfort her!
I want to be able to spend time playing with her when she's awake, talking to her, singing to her etc... But instead when she wakes up I find myself wishing she would go sleep :'( I could cry sometimes, what a horrible mother I must be to think that! I love my little girl so much but I find the screaming so hard to deal with, obviously I make sure she's not hungry or in need of a change but even after that she still isn't content for more than 5 minutes being awake!

Michelle & Phoebe

Posts

  • The early days really are the hardest, but it does get better (although it may not seem like that now!). You've both got major adjustments to make, and have to get used to each other. Do you think it may be colic causing the screaming?

    Are the MW o HV still visiting so you could talk to them about it? Is there anyone else that can help out, and maybe take her for an hour so that you can have a rest? The sleep deprivation doesn't help with your emotions either, so catching up (if possible) may help. Maybe try taking her out for a walk in the pram to try & settle her, this may give you both a rest?

    I hope that you get to the bottom of it, and that things improve soon, sending you big hugs xx (ps. LOVE the name Phoebe, it's beautiful!)xx
  • double post!


    [Modified by: honeyPops on June 23, 2010 07:14 PM]

  • Oh Hun, I don't want to sound horrible but your post made me laugh a little-I'm not sure there's a mummy out there who doesn't wish there lo would go to sleep! My lo's 15 months old and my favourite times of the day are nap time and bedtime!lol!

    It doesn't make you a bad mummy at all, what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Having a newborn is exhausting and I remember feeling so happy when lo was peacfully sleeping!

    It will get better, around 4 weeks old my lo started smiling and interacting and actually stopped being a total grump when awake. Your job at the moment is to feed lo, rest when they're resting and give lots of cuddles when they're grizzling. The rest will all come with time and if you're anything like me , in 12 months time you'll be counting down the hours until naptime when you can put your feet up for 5 minutes with a cuppa!

    It's no reflection on how good a mummy you are, I'm a great one, my lo is my whole world but boy do I love sleeptime!x
  • The early days really are the hardest hun and it WILL get better! Do not feel guilty i look forward to my dd's nap time at 10am and shes 21 months old :lol: ALL mummys look forward to nap time and anyone who says different is lying lol.

    There isnt much you can do with them at this age darling, there is little reasoning or entertaining them so don't put too much pressure on yourself and feel you HAVE to be doing things with her because you don't, cuddles is about all you can do.. just give it a few weeks when you start getting something back from her - those first smiles, rolls, sitting up etc etc makes it all worth while!

    As adorable as they are at the moment shes just a screaming, pooping, feeding machine.. i remember the feeling well!

    Hugs xx
  • I read this at first and wanted to write what p.bob had written but didnt know how to! lol! She has put it so much better than I ever could!

    My boys are now 8.5 months and I spend some days praying for time to go quicker so I can put them to bed! Then I feel awful, like you, as I only actually have them for 3 days as I work 4 days a week. However, I wouldnt change them for the world! They are hard work, but beautiful, funny, chatty, and showing me new things every day. I struggle to understand how I can love 2 little being so much.

    However, it wasnt always like that. My boys are allergic to milk, so the 1st 17 weeks were horrendous until we were diagnosed. I would sob at each feed, and so would they, they were awfully ill and it was horrid.

    Things improved dramatically from then on. Yes, im shattered, and there are always new challenges, but you do face them, and things are never as bad when you look back on it.

    Overall, you are NORMAL! Everyone feels like this at some point, especially if LO is uncomfortable and unhappy.

    Big hugs hun xxx
  • You are NOT a bad mummy at all. You only gave birth 11 days ago - your hormones will be all over the place, you're probably shattered and also on a very steep learning curve. There is SO much going on in the early days and a lot of newborns cry a lot - it's scary suddenly being in the big, cold world! And all every mummy wants is for their baby to be content and right now you probably feel she's most content when she's sleeping. So in my books that makes you a very good mummy :\)

    I remember in the early days I thought we'd never be able to change or bath our daughter without her crying and crying but it soon changed and now she absolutaley loves to be naked or in the water! :lol:

    There's so many changes for both you and her and it takes time to adjust. I think the hardest part about motherhood is the guilt but the very fact that you feel guilty and posted this shows just how much you care. In a few weeks once you're more rested and she gets used to being here you won't even remember feeling like this - I promise!

    Love NN and Olyvia xxx
  • Ps. I also love cupcakes ! Xx
  • I just want to agree with everyone else really! Nothing new to add. Our ds had colic so screamed from 3pm to 3am every day for almost 3 hilarious months. You wouldn't believe how much we wished him asleep! We also had tears at bath-time like NN - so much so that it was re-named torture time image He loves his bath now. Infact if he's porrly it's often the only place he'll calm down.

    You're not a bad mother I promise you! You are allowed to want a rest. There's not much you can do with a 2 week old anyway. I remember we just went out for a lot of walks and if he slept in the day so did I! Hang on in there and prepare for some gorgeous smiles coming in your direction in a 3 or 4 weeks.
  • Thanks for all the replies ladies, I feel I little better about it now.

    Mornings are still impossible she just won't settle at all and cries non stop from about 6am till 11am, I cry too cuz I feel like I am helpless to stop it.. But I'm trying to stay positive and persevere in the hope that mornings will get better. I love her sooo much that it just breaks my heart when she gets herself in such a state, think as someone said I'm sure my crying is a result of my hormones a bit too.
    Hv is coming for the first time today so I will see if she has any advice to try and settle her in the mornings..x
  • It WILL get better! As she gets older the crying will get less and less and she will start to respond to you more.

    Dylan used to cry in the afternoons/evenings we used to go for a big family walk put him in either pram or sling and just walk, this would settle him even if just for a short time and the fresh air was great for making me feel better too as the constant crying in the house can get very claustraphobic!

    Your doing a great job, dont beat yourself up about things too much

    xxxx
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