life is so cruel sometimes :(

I found out today that a friend of a friend's baby was stillborn this morning. She was 36 weeks pregnant and sooo looking forward to being a mummy at last. She's kind of a friend of mine too, but we only see each other through our mutual friend. She had been trying for a long time, definately well over a year, had ops to remove cysts in her womb, then just as they started the IVF referral, she fell pregnant naturally. I last saw her a couple of months ago and I swear her eyes were shining with pregnancy hormones. She had a gut feeling she was expecting a boy but secretly wanted a little girl. Her daughter was stillborn this morning and I cannot imagine the grief she must be feeling...

I was putting my own DD to bed earlier and I couldn't help but hold her for that bit longer, I was in floods of tears, took me an hour to calm down again. I just feel so desperately sad. My world would completely fall apart if I couldn't have DD in my life. My friend never even met her DD, will never hear her giggle or dress in her in pink... To make it worse her sister is due to have her own liitle baby any day now.

I want to send a card to say that I'm thinking of her - do you think this is okay? I've only ever had elderly people die in my life. Sounds silly, but don't know if its the right thing to do, sending a card for a stillborn baby...? If I do send a card, I want a little poem to write in there.If you know of any, that would be so helpful, just a few lines.

Give your LO's an extra cuddle in the morning, never before has my DD been so precoius to me.

My friend, maybe your angel rest in peace xxx

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  • this is just awful, poor girl image image i think sending a card is a lovely idea just to let her know your thinking of her..
  • Hey hun,

    Im so sorry to hear that. My sister was stillborn at 38 weeks and it was an horrendous time. I think sending a card would be a lovely idea. If I talk about my sister to my stepmum now, she foumd that the more people didnt want to talk about k** the more she did. Afterall, K** was a person and was alive inside her for almost 9 months, so she did exist. (My stepmums words) K** was her first baby and she went on to have my sister and brother after, but K** was never forgotten.

    I never realised the impact of something like this happening, not properly, until the boys were born. It hit home just how awful this would be.

    Sending lots of love to your friends xxx
  • OH thats awful, im all goosebumps reading that! I think a card would be fine. Im sure she will appreciate the thought! I've had 2 mc and thats bad enough but i cant imagine the grief she must feel.

    I will keep you and your friend in my thoughts!

    Gemm x
  • aw so sad to read this, will say a wee prayer for the little angel x
  • aw that's so sad, I think sending her a card would be lovely because it lets her know that you are thinking about her, like Gemmiebaby says probably a lot of people won't want to talk about it with her and she may want to talk, thinking of her wee angel xxx
  • So sad and cruel for his to happen. I also had 2 mcs, - nowhere near as bad I know, but a few people sent cards and we really appreciated the thought. Just nice to know people are thinking of you. Xx
  • I am so sorry to hear that your friend has gone through this. I'm in tears for her and will definately give DS a huge hug in the morning.

    It happened to somebody I know and we sent a card with this verse inside:

    A Mother's Love

    I didn't have to look into your eyes
    to fall in love with you.
    I didn't have to hear you cry
    To know you loved me too.
    I didn't need to hold your hand
    To cherish you always
    Within my womb, we shared our hearts.
    You touched my soul.
    You sweetened my spirit.
    You gave me memories I'll always hold dear.
    Yes my heart aches since you departed so soon.
    But a mother's love does not end with death.
    For you are my child.
    Forever my love is yours.

    There is also a website that we looked at: http://www.preciousmemoriesandmore.com/verses.htm which has lots of things you can use; it says after each title what it is most suitable for.
    Hope you manage to find something.

    xx
  • oh what terrible news. I would definitely send a card. I cannot imagine what's she's going through xxx
  • What tragic news. I am thinking of you and your friend. Garfield - that is a beautiful poem x
  • I'm so sorry to hear that.

    A year ago today my niece was stillborn, 3 days before I gave birth to my daughter. Then 3 months later my nephew was stillborn too, so I do know how you are feeling.

    The world may never notice
    If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
    Or even pause to wonder
    If the petals fall too soon.
    But every life that ever forms,
    Or ever comes to be,
    Touches the world in some small way
    For all eternity.


    The little one we longed for
    Was swiftly here and gone.
    But the love that was then planted
    Is a light that still shines on.
    And though our arms are empty,
    Our hearts know what to do.
    Every beating of our hearts
    Says that we love you.

    Sleep tight little one.
    If you need to chat etc, just message me xxxx
  • Hi I'm g/c but saw this on the homepage and wanted to reply.
    I am so terribly sorry, it is quite possibly one of the worst things a person can go through and I would think she will not want to face people for a long whole but it's nice to know people think
    Of you and a card is a lovely idea. I lost my little girl at 20weeeks stillborn in September, it still hurts now. There are 2 poems that stuck out for me and the first one brought me a little comfort



    "What Makes a Mother"
    by Jennifer Wasik

    I thought of you and closed my eyes
    And prayed to God today.
    I asked what makes a Mother
    And I know I heard him say...

    A mother has a baby
    This we know is true.
    But, God, can you be a mother
    when your baby is not with you?

    Yes, you can He replied,
    With confidence in His voice.
    I give many women babies
    When they leave is not their choice.

    Some I send for a lifetime,
    And others just for a day.
    And some I send to feel your womb,
    But there's no need to stay.

    I just don't understand this God,
    I want my baby here.
    He took a breath and cleared His throat
    And then I saw a tear.

    I wish I could show you
    What your child is doing today.
    If you could see your child smile
    With other children and say:

    "We go to earth to learn our lessons
    Of love and life and fear.
    My mummy loved me oh so much
    I got to come straight here.

    I feel so lucky to have a mum
    Who has so much love for me.
    I learned my lessons very quickly,
    My mummy set me free.

    I miss my mummy Oh so much,
    But I visit every day.
    When she goes to sleep
    On her pillow is where I lay.

    I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
    And I whisper in her ear.
    Mummy don't be sad today,
    I'm your baby and I'm here."

    So, you see my dear sweet one,
    Your children are not blue.
    Your babies are here in MY home,
    They'll be at Heaven's gate waiting for you.

    So now you see what makes a mother,
    It's the feeling in your heart.
    It's the love you had so much of,
    Right from the very start.

    Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
    Until their time is done.
    They'll be up here with Me one day,
    And they'll know you were the best one!

    ------------

    Don't let them say I wasn't born,
    That something stopped my heart
    I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
    I've loved you from the start.

    Although my body you can't hold
    It doesn't mean I'm gone
    This world was worthy, not of me
    God chose that I move on.

    I know the pain that drowns your soul,
    What you are forced to face
    You have my word, I'll fill your arms,
    Someday we will embrace.

    You'll hear that it was meant to be,
    God doesn't make mistakes
    But that wont soften your worst blow,
    Or make your heart not ache.

    I'm watching over all you do,
    Another child you'll bear
    Believe me when I say to you,
    That I am always there.

    There will come a time, I promise you,
    When you will hold my hand,
    Stroke my face and kiss my lips
    And then you'll understand.

    Although I've never breathed your air,
    Or gazed into your eyes
    That doesn't mean I never was,
    An Angel never dies.

  • These poems are absolutely beautiful, I'm sat here in tears again. Thank you.

    I have spoken to my friend, she went to see the girls mum, who asked that no-one else be told as they want to keep it within the family for now. Therefore she has asked that I don't send a card yet, maybe when its made public knowledge, possibly in a few weeks time.

    Please keep any more poems coming, even if I still can't send anything for a while, they are beautiful to read anyway...

    I've been looking to see if there were any stars tonight incase there was a new one, but there are none tonight. I just feel so awful, feels like this sort of thing never happens to you, I've even only ever known one person have a miscarriage, I don't know what to do. I keep checking in on my DD, I'm desperate to hold her.

    Sorry, I'm rambling now, its hard cos DH is out for the evening and I can't talk to anyone else as I want to honour the family's wishes of not telling people.

    Thanks again for the poems xx
  • Hi,
    My son was stillborn last year at 27 weeks, when your friend is ready to make the news public knowledge then yes you should most definitely send a card to let her know she is in your thoughts. Please don't shy away from seeing her as she will need all the friends she can get right now. My heart goes out to your friend as i know the heartbreak she is going through. Big hugs, Jackie xx
  • Oh gosh, what an awful, awful thing to happen. I don't think I've ever felt a rush of love for my little girl (1 month old) as I have reading this.

    My mother's best friend had a stillborn baby girl who would have been the same age as me. She came and visited DD and me shortly after I'd given birth - we've never spoken about what happened, but that day she came over, we both just 'knew' what the other was thinking, and I've never felt so sad and lucky at the same time in my life.

    It just isn't fair :cry:

  • how heartbreaking. My mum had a stillbirth before i was born. I never fully appreciated how tragic it was until i was pregnant with my own. All those poems are beautiful and made me cry. x
  • really tragic :cry: my neice was stillborn 4 years ago and just last week my mums best friends daughter had a little boy at 30 weeks ,he died in the womb so horrendously sad :cry: i wish wish wish there was something we could do to prevent it :cry: big huge hugs to you and your friend right now xxxx
  • Hello,
    I am so sorry for your friend, i am sat here with goosepimples and tears. I think a card is a lovely idea and all of the poems are beautiful that have been suggested.
    Sx
  • What heartbreaking news. Im so sorry for your friend & also for all you other ladies that have losted a baby. Im sat here in tears, I just cant imagine the pain.

    All the poems were beautiful. Im sure a small amount of comfort will come from knowing that people cared xxx
  • Thanks again girls. Its been lovely to read your messages. So sorry for those of you who had their babies or friends babies born sleeping... Thinking of all the baby angels.

    Wannabump, thats a really good idea actually, making a donation to tommy's, think I will do that, thanks.

    Laranchloe, wow, bless your DHs aunt, what a truly lovely story!

    I feel exhausted today, cried all last night, didn't sleep very much at all and am snappy and irritable with everyone. I just don't get it, I don't get how a baby can just be snatched away like that. I keep thinking of all the things my DD has seen and done in her short life and all the things my friend's DD will never do. I just can't imagine a baby never looking into his mother's eyes for the first time, it just seems so senseless. I feel utterly useless and desperately sad. They have their close family with them at the moment, no friends for the time being. They have been asked to start thinking about the funeral. Only 2 days before she gave birth, she wrote an exciting bump message on her facebook page and just a week ago she started maternity leave.

    Quick question, would she had to have given birth naturally? Or had a C section? Would the midwives have known her DD had passed away before she was born? I keep going over in my mind about what she went through in the hospital...

    Thansk again for your kind words xxx
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