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Funny Comments In Labour!

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  • lmao v good!!

    I too suggested bottling it up I also kept asking why there was a green lady in the room (ds1) it was the surgeon checking up on ds1s heartrate.

    Also i bit strange when I had DS1 i had music in my head with the G&A and with DS2 when it got to pushing I had G&A and the music came back??!! I remember thinking this is the music I heard with DS1 I must remember the song and tried to but I forget???!!!!!
  • I had a horrible long and traumatic first birth, so was touch and go whether I would have c-sec with 2nd, I decided to have natural and was high on gas and air, Just as the head crowned I screamed I wanted a c-section,give me a c-section now! the midwife said I can't cos she can see the head, and I remeber her saying it can't be the head as it I had only been at the hospital for a an hour so stop lying to me! another push and he was out...I also kept saying sorry... sorry for crying, sorry for telling her how much it hurt, and she kept saying its fine, thats what she is there for, so I said sorry for saying sorry.... weirdo ha ha ha!
  • loving this thread. with lo3 i had an emcs and although the normal patient is laying in silence awaiting their baby's cry or hearing the surgeons talk, i dominated that silence with 'make sure you give me dissolvable stitches' every minute or so lol.

    then lo4, i was given gas and air, i only had 1 suck andd was sick so they took it away, then i said i wanted an epidural, they offered oral analgesia (paracetamol) but i had to wait 10 mins because i had been sick. i never ended up with any pain relief and just kept asking the midwife why everyone was being so horrible to me and forcing me to endure this pain!!, but i am so greatful now that they kept it all from me xx
  • Loving these stories..

    With my first who was a breech baby, I was told to come in at the first sign of labour. I was shopping with my mum when I got horrific pains. I went to hospital and the Consultant came to see me. He asked me 'Denise, where abouts did you get these pains' to which I replied 'In Tesco's'.... it took me ages to understand why they were all laughing.

    With my 2nd I was high on drugs when suddenly this huge farty noise came out of me. I said really proudly ' I have just done the most amazing fanny fart' OH was mortified

    With my 3rd I was doing this stupid dance at every contraction. Like when you are peeing yourself and you hold you bits and jump around. OH was laughing at me so I got a bedpan and started beating him with it. The mw walked in just at that moment...ooooppppssss

    With my 4th I got to hosp at 7cm. I asked if I could have an epidural..no, injection...no, anything...no, so I got off the bed and said well I am feffing off home then.... ( I didn't get far as another contraction came) also during pushing things got a bit hectic. I said the baby is stuck and as this is my 4th I think I know a thing or 2. The m/w said with all due respect I have delivered a few more than 4 so I think I have the final call on this one. I went on and on adamant that he was stuck. She must have wanted to punch me.

    With my 5th which was a dramatic EMCS I kept talking all the way through the section with chattering teeth. I sounded so stupid but I would not shut up as I thought if I did I might die....

    Nothing like labour to bring out the funny side of us..

    d x
  • With my first who was a breech baby, I was told to come in at the first sign of labour. I was shopping with my mum when I got horrific pains. I went to hospital and the Consultant came to see me. He asked me 'Denise, where abouts did you get these pains' to which I replied 'In Tesco's'.... it took me ages to understand why they were all laughing.

    With my 2nd I was high on drugs when suddenly this huge farty noise came out of me. I said really proudly ' I have just done the most amazing fanny fart' OH was mortified

    Hahahahahaha!!

    With dd1 I remember ranting about that Diana girl from X Factor '08 who always sung with her hands by her face calling her a bloody pixie who thought she was something special.

    With dd2 there wasn't much time to say anything as I was ready to push when I arrived, but once the head was out I said to DH "this isn't that bad, we can have another one if you like. Last chance: do you think it's a boy or a girl?"
  • These have had me in stiches, my daughter keeps asking me what I'm laughing at!

    With my daughter I was in the throws of an awful back to back labour, beginning to not handel the pain at all, when the midwife offered pethadine, theres me, in absolute agony, crying and writhing around in pain telling her "no you can't give me an injection it'll hurt" and getting hysterical at the idea of having a shot in my leg. haha.

    With my son, I was off my titties on gas and air and apparently said some very funny things, the midwife wanted to take some blood as I was almost ready to push, and I refused point blank like a child, I was sobbing my heart out telling her she could take some once I'd pushed the baby out... to which she kept reminding me that would be too late they needed it before the baby came, but I literally wouldnt allow it, they even started sneakily prepping the needle to take some while I was distracted by pushing but I threw her some major hackies and told her she didn't dare come near me with it!

    I also got upset when I would do some brilliant pushes and then his head would slip back a bit and was shouting, very disheartened "no baby, no, not in - out, you need to come out not go back in" MW and OH found this very funny but I was so upset!
  • I just remembered I also headbutted oh when I had my first but have no recollection of it. It was only the next morning when I was moaning I hd a sore head I found out lol
  • This thread is so funny
    Dee Dee i was in stitches at your fanny fart

    I had a water birth and gave gas and air a go but it just confused me (I was better off doing my own deep breathing) so I gave it back. Four hours later just before I started pushing I kept telling the MW to turn the gas and air off and having a go at them for pumping it into the room to trick me into having it.
    I was also talking to the student MW who was with me and she said she had 3 children and would like to have a water birth I asked her if she had had one yet and she said no so I turned around and laughed at her and said "jealous much"

    I cant even blame my stupid things on drugs, goodness knows what was going through my head. :lol:

  • What a great thread! Can't stop laughing :lol:

    I had a very quick labour but just as the contractions started to get very intense I shouted that I had to get my socks off RIGHT NOW and promptly threw them across the bed!

    And also during the pushing phase my contractions started to ease off and I told my husband and MW that I just wanted to go to sleep. No chance!

  • i remember saying to the mw in a whisper "please kill me now" just as dd1 was crowning with dd2 i was laughing at the stupid women on one born every minute and how bad they were at screaming and shouting etc and 5 minutes later when dd2 was crowning (back to back) i said "i really want to scream now but dont want to look like those arseholes off tv" hahahahaha
  • whilst totally off my face on pethidine, I insisted my husband took all my clothes off while i was on the bed having contractions, especially my bra. thing is, i don't remember and kept thinking while i was pushing "why am i not wearing any clothes?". then when it was all done, the dr covered me up with a sheet - never mind my legs were in stirrups, make sure my breasts are covered - why?!!

    also, in between puffs on the g & a "get" "different" "*******" "midwife".


  • HA ha!! This is V-funny!! Not been on BE for aggggggggggees, but had to comment on this!!

    Apparently in my labour i asked for Julie Andrews?! I said that she could come in and do it for me. "Get Julie Andrew's, get Julie Andrews, she can do it for me!!" was what I kept saying. Midwife must have thought I was bonkers/a die hard fan of the Sound of Music!! I really have no idea where it came from!!!

    xxx
  • Mine are all toilet related-6 hours into labour I announced that I had to do a poo, the mw was certain it was the pressure from babies head but I was adamant- I couldn't get off the bed so they brought me a bed pan and I had to squat over it, I just kept saying 'it's definitely a poo', I sat on the pan for ages-Hubbie and mw making polite chit-chat while I tried to do one-turns out i didn't need one after all.

    3 hours later I then decided that the pains in my side were trapped wind and that I needed a fart. Again-mw reassured me it was the baby moving down and squashing my bowels but no I was adamant-'it's a fart, it's definately a fart', cue more embarrassing chit-chat as I try to breakwind! Thankfully I wasn't bothered by any of it but I cringe when I look back!

  • This thread is the best ever! I havent laughed so much in ages!!!
    I had a fair amount of gas and air and babies head was so low right from only 2cm dilated so I had an overwhelming urge to push with each contraction from very early on. I tried so hard not to push each time as the MW kept telling me it was too soon, finally when she asked if I might like to try pushing if I felt like it I thought I was dreaming so apparantly I sat right up straight on the bed and said "Im sorry, what are we doing?" to which she replied "you are having a baby dear"! My husband finds this very funny! I also was so out of it when she laid baby on my chest I kept asking "is this him, is he mine"!!!x
  • Oh god, sometimes I look back in shame at some of the things that I said and did.

    One of the stupid things I remember was when the MW asked if I wanted skin to skin when LO was born. I looked at my mum and hubby and said no. My mum corrected me and said 'yes she does but it will be skin to nighty' lol. I thought she was going to get me naked so not only was my bits on show but my boobies too :S

    Also when I was in labour at home (everything happened very quick) I grabbed a pack of baby wipes before I left for hospital, these wipes and a cardigan, stayed in my hands from the moment I left home to the moment I got into the delivery room to deliver. On my way down the corridoor in the hospital hubby tried to take the wipes off me, at which I told him to bugger off, leave me and the wipes alone, and if he tried to take them off me again I would hit him with them. I feel really bad about this, I never shout at DH really. I think he was pretty shocked lol.

    E x
  • These are brilliant - cheering me up no end after a rubbish day at work!

    Sure I'm not the first to repeat over and over again 'I'm not doing this any more I'm going home' OH just kept telling me that wasn't a good idea.

    After a particularly painful contraction I decided I needed the loo and figured I had time to pop to the loo next door before the next big one. I was wrong, as soon as I got to the loo I was in agony, insisted oh came in to rub my back before announcing I felt sick - he disappeared to get a sick bowl and came back in time to see me projectile vomit all over the floor.
    Was I bothered he'd just wached me pee? No
    Was I bothered he'd narrowly managed to escape my vom? No
    Did I cry hysterically because there was vom on my fluffy pink socks? YES!

    Where was me dignity?!?

    I also asked the mw to tell the anaesthetist to 'come the f**k on with the epidural' or 'I was going to f**k off home'

    I shudder with embarrassment at the thought!

    Dee dee - your fanny fart had me in fits of giggles!!! :lol:
  • I don't remember much from my labour, but I do remember screaming at OH whilst waiting for my epidural ' get my purse draw all my cash out and I'll give him the lot to GET HERE NOW' lol. I also remember shouting at my baby because him moving was making my contractions worse...poor thing! Hah as traumatic as my labour was I can't wait to do it again...looking back it was so funny! xx
  • i didnt do anything funny but i do remember shouting 'i need a wee' about 100 times after they inserted my catheter on the way down to have an emergency section. once we were in the theatre i promptly fell asleep on the table and started snoring (i was soo drugged up) but luckily woke up in time for them to pull her out x
  • I did demand an epidural. The midwife kept going back to my birth plan which as a nieve first time mum was that I wanted to do it all natural and with no pain relief lol. My response was you either give me the epidural or we forget having a baby and I will go home! Not sure how that would work!

    The midwife thougth I was a different person after having an epidural as I went from a screaming mad woman who kept shouting 'I can't do this' to the total opposite lol
  • I was a complete mad woman when I was in labour. I really cringe when I think about it. One thing that sticks out is when they moved me onto my side and were trying to find bubs heart beat but couldn't get it. I could feel the baby moving so I wasn't worried but it was driving me mad them moving the sensor all around and digging it in to my tummy. I turned to the mw and said as nice as anything " will you please stop poking my in my f"&$king tummy" She looked rather shocked lol!

    I also remember that I needed to push so desperately but nobody seemed to be listening to me. I grab oh by the shirt and pulled him down really close to my face and said in a comedy whisper that blatantly everyone could hear " I need to push and those effing bi$tches won't let me" and waved my arm dramatically in thier direction. The mw told me not to be so melodramatic!
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