regreats about the birth

Hi, I finally decided to post this. I have a lot of regreats about my birth I'm a first time mum. In fact the only posstive I can find from it is at least I know what to put in a birth plan next time. Do you think this is normal? my son who is my eyes is truely the most perfect thing is now nearly 5 months old and I still can't stop thinking and going over the birth in my head. It was an esspecially awful birth but I ended up being very closely monitored not what I wanted, my husband wasn't there for most of it as I had been iduced and when they called him they told him no rush. My body went into shock the gas and air made me sick. I hated the feeling gas and air gave me. I ended up withan assisted delivery and my midwife wasn't very suportive and I ended up with 2 doctors and 2 midwifes at the bottom of my legs! these are just a few of the low lights. I never posted a birth story on here as although the rush of love I instantly had for jamie was overwelming. I felt quite low about the whole labour/birth and kept getting very visual flashback now I mainly feel cross about it all. I know some have had a much worse time than me and I prob shouldn't complain. Just feel like sharing with someone x


  • Hi apple-jack, it sounds like you would benefit from having a debrief session with the midwives so they can explain themselves and hopefully enable you to move on from what sounds like an awful experience for you. There are probably lots of things which you weren't aware of at the time or didn't have time for full explanations and talking it through may help you feel more positive about it?
    Thank goodness you had a fabulous outcome and glad to hear it didn't affect you bonding with Jamie xxx
  • I know what you mean, I wish I had stuck up for myself a bit more. But I was 19 and my first baby. I had been in labour for 40 hours and only 3cm for those first 35! It was agony but they just kept saying 'oh your only 3cm' but no one understood. I wasn't progressing at all, I didnt progress more than 7cm and they just took me for a section straight away, this annoys me as I wish I had said 'Hang on, my babys heartrate is fine so why the rush to do a section?' but I didnt, I just signed the consent! As it happens I recovered SO fast, was walking round in 4 hours never had any probs with the scar or lifting my baby, actually I recovered quicker then most women after a natural birth but i put that on my age and that I had a very well pregnancy. But yes it does annoy me how women do not have many birth choices and are just wired up to 1000 monitors and drips and pressured into section/forceps just to 'move things along' when given the chance they could progress naturally. xxxxx
  • hey,

    I feel the same about the birth of my little girl. I had planned a home birth but had to go into hospital to be induced becayse I was so overdue. I also havn't posted my birth story as my memory of what happened is so hazy. I think thats also what bothers me - my memory of the birth is so hazy that I'm not sure I could explain exactly what happened. I ended up in theatre having a 'trial ventouse' delivery that luckily worked as otherwise I had already signed the permission for and was preped for a c-section.

    My hv said at my 6 week meeting with her that if the birth still bothered me then I could go to the hospital to meet with someone who can talk through all the notes with me. I havn't yet and my dh is not so keen on the idea but i've heard it's really great so it could be worth you finding out of your hospital does this?

  • thank you both for your lovely replies. can you have a birth debrief i didn't realise there was such a thing? i'd also like to see my notes! x
  • I'm sure you can !
    Incidentally when my sis had her 1st child I was in the delivery room when the MW made an error and sis was rushed for a csection. Without sis knowing I made an appt and saw the head of midwifery to ensure it was properly recorded in her notes in case of any further probs (there weren't any).
    I'd love to have the opportunity to see my notes out of curiosity as some of mine is hazy too (esp the 4 hrs pushing!!)
    Good Luckxx
  • I'm bothered by my birth still - I've had flashbacks and even walking onto the maternity ward to see my BIL and his wife last weekend was an emotional experience.

    My labour was quick considering it was my first only 5 hrs and then I pushed for 2, which is when it went wrong. I pushed her down so far but so exhausted that I was unable to continue and I had an instrumental delivery. Ventouse cap came straight off and they went to forceps. Written down it all seems really straightforward but being in the thick of it was very scary. Fayes hearbeat was dropping with the contractions and not coming back up.

    In the room it was standing only, there were 2 junior doctors, registrar perfoming delivery and a consultant incase he was needed. Two midwives looking after me, my husband at the head end of the bed, 2 paeditricans waiting for Faye. She came out in one contraction with the forceps, shown to us and whipped off to the resus table. I bled heavily, it took them an hour to stem the bleeding and stitch me, I should have been transfused but then they decided not to give me the blood. I had SPD and was warned about the use of stirrups but they had to be used for the delivery and it was so painful being in that position. I spent 6 days in hospital and even on discharge I wasn't really well enough to go home

    I've spoken to my hv about PND as I've been so emotional, irritable and every other emotion thinkable but she thinks I'm suffering from post traumatic stress. She has also suggested I think about meeting someone from the hospital to go through my notes
  • Hi

    I am glad you decided to post this as the first part of healing is discussing it.

    I was really lucky, I had an horrendous birth with my twins and when i was still in hospital the midwife arranged for me to have a debriefing and discussed in detail why it happened as it did. I was lucky the hospital was really helpful, in my second birth (different hospital) I had another rough time but i wasnt offered a debriefing but due to my first birth i knew how helpful it could be.

    I truely belive that my debriefing helped me to bond with my babies (i had section under GA n never really felt like they were mine) and think that had i not had it i would be posting a similar thread.

    I think all hospitals offer a debriefing and it is def worth doing it now to prevent any future issues if you decide to have another.

    BIrth can be beautiful or it can be really traumatic your feelings are normal esp with all the media depictations of a perfect birth. I hope that you can get the answers you need

  • Hiya
    In our area (RVI in Newcastle Upon Tyne) there is a service called Reflections which does as the other girls describe and allows you to see your notes and meet with your midwife/s and or someone else who was at your birth. I think I am going to request it through my hv at some point as I did not have a very straightforward birth experience either. I was told from 36 weeks that I was going to have a big baby and was sent for growth scans at 38 and 40 weeks and was told by 40 weeks the baby was around 8lb 10oz but he was not big enough to induce me early or around my due date (even though I am only 5ft and shoe size 3). I was eventually induced when I was 13 days overdue and had 3 lots of the prostin gel starting at 9am Saturday and having the 3rd one at 5am the next day. I was having painful contractions every 2-3 minutes from about 4pm but didn't start to dilate until 11am on the Sunday and so could have no pain relief other than paracetomol for 20 hours. I had my waters broken at 11am when I was 3cm but by 6pm I was only 4cm so I was put on the drip. By 11pm I had got to 6cm but his head was swelling so I was taken in for an emergency c-section and Joseph was born just after midnight weighing 9lb 10oz (suprise suprise). By the time he came I was so out that when I was feeding him that night in hospital I thought he wasn't mine and I was just looking after him! It took me a few weeks to bond with him and I had bad baby blues for a couple of weeks and I feel guilty and a bit of a fraud for not being able to have given birth naturally.
    I didn't join this website til I started to feel better as I didn't feel like a real mum! Sorry to go on like this in your thread, but like you I have only just felt ready to write it down.
    At least you know you are not alone though and if you speak to your hv she can help you come to terms with it.
    Tam xxx
  • I guess I was lucky in that I was very much in control of the birth in the end. The short version is that I went in to be induced at 12 days over due but the first induction didn't work properly. I started hyper contracting and was actually taken to the delivery suite but my cervix wasn't dilated at all. After 3 pessaries I was sent home to rest and relax in the hopes it would get something moving - it didn't. I went in again on the Monday and spoke to the registrar, I made it clear that if the induction didn't work again I wanted a section. By the end of the first induction LO was starting to get distressed, not enought for them to rush me into surgery but still. The induction didn't work and I did have a section at 16 days over due which was just as well as the consultant said she was never going to come out the way she was lying!

    No I didn't have my 'ideal' birth, I would much rather have had her naturally but in the end I know I made the right descision. I adore my little girl and know that I would have hated for her to have got stressed and for it to have been an emergency section.

    I am sorry that you had a horrible experience and definitely think you should contact the hospital. If nothing else they have to let you see your notes which may make things a little clearer for you. I also think it would help you to talk to someone as it may help you to more on.

    Good luck
    Steph image
  • I felt like I'd been robbed of the experience everyone speaks about once you've given birth.... There was no adrenaline rush, she wasn't delivered straight onto my chest, I had no skin to skin contact till she had been checked. I wasn't out of bed that evening dressed, rosy cheeked and glowing (I wasn't out of bed for 3 days!!). There aren't any pictures of me and hubby with Faye when she was first born or even that day although we have plenty of her.

    As I said not only was the birth traumatic anyway but then I feel cheated/robbed of the moments afterwards
  • I think what really gets lost by these medical professionals is that giving birth is a really instinct driven very deeply personal event, and just like any animal we need a chance to go through our personal and instinctive desires to work through it, and with so many "intervention/ interuptions" it's really difficult to feel okay about anything when your deeply embedded drive to behave and cope a certain way is impeded. Especially after birth, a mother bird will toss a baby bird out their nest and let it die if someone so much as leaves their smell on it, so of course it's only natural that not having contact with your baby straight after birth would cause you emotional trauma.

    You have every right to feel the way you do, and the way you are feeling is perfectly reasonable and normal. I hope you are able to have a birth debrief if you feel that it might help you.

  • That's the same as me Mrs T. I only got to look at him briefly while my husband held him for a bit (though one of the 5 or more medical staff that were in there took a pic of the two of them together at least). I got to hold him over 30 minutes later which I cannot really remember but I did bf him and am still doing so which has helped with bonding (after the first week of pain!) A friend who had a baby a week before me wrote on my facebook wall 'It's a great feeling isn't it' and I didn't reply for ages cos it wasn't really any feeling at all!
  • I did luckily have all the great feelings after birth and the pictures but I didnt get skin to skin contact either and I feel very annoyed about that.

    Also I never got to see Gabe come out and be weighed and cleaned up, by the time I saw him it was a couple of min later and he was all wrapped in blankets.

  • I know how you feel apple_jack, I know you saw my post along similar lines. I think that everyone should be offered a debrief, not right after the birth but maybe a month or so later when you've had a chance to get settled with your lo and think about your feelings a little. It seems to me that labour is such a traumatic process, even if you have a 'straightforward' birth it is still an incredible thing for your body to go through. And no matter how much research you do, you can't possibly know what to expect until you get there!

    When I have mentioned it to family members or people like the hv, they take the attitude of 'well as long as you're both healthy'. And that's true... but... I just wish I knew exactly what happened during the birth, and as far as possible why it happened.

    I hope you find some answers and that you have a much better experience next time!
  • I just wanted to thank all for the replies. Its comforting to know I'm not alone. Would rather we all had perfect births though! I'm hoping to see my HV on weds so I will speak to her then about my birth. x
  • tam1979 - it's great to see somebody else from newcastle on here, i had my LO at the RVI too and won't be going there nexttime round as my experience there was awful and i don't feel liike i got a lot of support!

    with regards to the "reflection" thing, how long after the birth can you get this service? Evie is already 13months old but i remember very little about my time in labour at the hospital because i was in so much pain i was delerious, then had diamorphine. I'd love to be able to rememeber more, even the not so nice bits. I feel if i got it all straight in my head i'd be able to get over it more easily!
  • linziMc (and Spedshaw) hiya, sorry to hear you both had a bad time/not enough support. My hv told me about the reflections service when she came to see me about 3 weeks after the birth. My memory is pretty hazy from that time but she did not mention a timelimit on the service. I don't know if they offer the same thing for Wansbeck but they should do, perhaps it's just not called the same thing? I would contact your hv and ask.
    I was looked after by 3 different midwives, two were absolutely lovely but the one I had overnight on the saturday was really unsympathetic and I presume busy cos when she said she'd be half an hour she'd be 2 hours and her people skills were appalling so it was a shame to get her right when I was in the most pain!
    My sister had her 2nd at Wansbeck and I was there for the birth and didn't like the way she was treated so I think it is all just pot luck!
    Good to hear from other people in the area though, I am originally from Alnwick but live in Walker now. If only I still lived in Alnwick and had a 'normal' sized baby I could have gone to Hillcrest, it is meant to be great! xx

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