is she lying???

hi gotta vent. could be long so nip off n make tea first lol!!!!
my sister ran away from home at 19 with a 56yr old!!! they went to birmingham n didnt talk to us for a year then she came home saying he hits her??? so we organise a house etc so she can move back all goes well until she suddenly dissapears back to him. we get a phone call saying shes pregnant my mum said she couldnt watch her bring a baby into a violent relationship so my sis says its not his. then two weeks later my nan says she was told it is his!! then my sis says she lied to nan cause shes judgemental! we all agreed to see baby and her as she claimed not to be with the bloke (no idea if he is dad or not) but today i saw babys medicine bottle and it says the blokes surname!!! i confronted her n she said you can have baby registered at drs under whatever name you want not whats on birth certificate??? but with my babies the registra did birth cert and then gave me theyre nhs cards to register at dr with the legal name on. so is she lying my heart says she is if im honest its so hurtfull to think shes playing us all against each other n my nephew could be being raised by a thug who hit my sis while preg and kicked her dog to death.

what am i meant to do????


  • seriously no thoughts no help???
  • Don't have any advice honey - sorry!! Hope things work out soon though.

  • sorry hun i have not advice to give you!! hope you manage to get things sorted though.
  • thanks was begining to think id upset everyone as no one would reply
  • I had Jack 8 weeks ago and we registered the birth, his dad - my OH had to be there as well to sign his name on ceritifcate as we're not married. When it came through we took it to doctors and he was registered under the name on the certificate. The won't do it any other way.

  • i thought so! i love her but shes putting my nephew and herself in danger n if i try to talk to her she just keeps lying to the point where i cry cos i just cant take it anymore
  • Hiya love.. sorry for delay in replying was in the bath image

    I don't know your sister so I am not sure what is really going on with her personally..

    however I have done work around domestic Violence.. althought it is very difficult for an 'out sider' (by this I mean someone other than the two people within there relationship) to understand why somebody would stay in an abusive relationship.. she has clearly invested a lot.. and see's more to him than just the 'bully'.

    you wouldn't let a stranger walk up to you in the street & hit you.. would you? but perhaps if someone you loved very dearly in your family did it.. your child/a sibling ect did although you may well be VERY angry and upset with them.. it would feel very difficult to just completely cut them out of your life..forever!

    Your sister at 19 is still very young.. when this the man come on the scence?

    With DV it's not just about the 'hitting' part.. often a lot of work is done by the abuser before this to distroy there partners self esteem.. perhaps your sister feels she can't leave him if she is feeling badly about herself..

    & maybe she is lying about if he is the dad or not.. perhaps she is scared of being judged for making foolish mistakes.. no-one knows what really goes on behind closed doors..

    it'd be lovely if we could just make someone we love leave a relationship like that, but really something has to click in there head when they get to the point that they relise that it's never going to get any better..

    if she has had No contact with the family for over a year, perhaps he does have a lot of control over her? I'd say rather than making any negitive comments about him (even if you really feel it) just let her open up to you.. she'll learn she can be honest with out being scared what you are going to think/say to her.. because i'm sure she must know deep down things are not right..

    Also being pregnant/having a young child perhaps she is feeling especially vunrable god only know's what he could be saying/doing i.e using the child like a weapon..'i'll tell social services your a bad mother & they will take the child' or ' you can leave but the child is staying with me, but your welcome to go but dont think once your gone you can come back' ect..

    of course I am only sermising.. I don't know either of them and only have very little info to make a guest about..

    all I would say really is keep you heart open for her.. let her know you are there no matter what, and when she knows she is safe within your relationship perhaps she might believe there is more to life for than what she is suffering?

    I know it's hurtful but i'd try to take her 'lies' with a pinch of salt if she is in an abusive relationship she is prob very messy emotionally and I doubt that it would be a personally refelction upon how she feels about you..

    hope things can work out! x
  • Ooo what a big waffle i've written .. I hope it's helpful! x
  • the problem is husbund is a police officer and if she has put his name on birth cert and baby isnt his she has knowingly commited fraud and i cannot have contact with any crime as it brings the force into disrepute! she lies so much i now wonder if this man is violent or if she said it just to justify her running away?? she is now 21. its so confusing and just bloody unnecessary. she ran away with him after meeting online! i was in hospital at the time having surgery after retained placenta i was so ill n came home to my mum saying shed just gone. we really bonded while she was pregnant n were rebuilding some trust but now i just feel like ive been taken in by her again
  • I sure that she wont have been the first women to put the wrong name down on a birth cert, and although she shouldn't really have done it especially as she KNOWS, however the fact that she is in an abusive relationship will whole weight with that.. if your OH is a police man, he surely must be able to get some more information about how to relsolve putting the wrong name down.. I know she shouldn't have done it however I seriously doubt the police are going to lock her up for it.. where there resorces are so far streached and they have far more important real criminals to be detaining. so she is 21 now? I still feel that's farily young to be honest..I'm 26 and I certainly don't think the way I did about things when I was 21 and I surpose in another 5 years or so I would have grown some more and developed and changed my thoughts?
    did she ever explain why she felt the need to 'run away' rather then just having an open relationship?
    I don't really know much about meeting people on the net/having relationships on the net (:lol: well apart from you girls that is!!!) I am not saying that you can't go out with someone much older.. I suspose I just am wondering what her motivation was? what does he bring to the table so to speak?

    I am sorry to hear she has made you feel let down.. maybe try to hold onto you like her as a person but you dont like what she is doing right now? x
  • A baby cannot be registered under the Father's srname without the Father being present. This changed in 2004 so he would definitely have had to of been there to register baby.

    My daghter has double barrelled surname, ex's name 1st then my name last & i always call her by my name but at doc's & with hv they call her my surname but any prescriptions havre both surnames on.

    Basically whether or not she's lying about him being Dad if she knows herself or not she has obviously told him at some point he is baby's dad & he has went with her at the time of registration.

    Sorry if this is no help? xx
  • aww hun, for the doctors thing my doctor said they would not register without the section from the registery, they used to when my son was born register without id but its stricter now, so i believe she isnt telling th truth on this one.

    But as for abusive relationship, in my situation i always said i would never let a man hit me, but i did my sons dad my ex was an addict n liar and abusive and i was so scared of him, he controlled me, i wasnt allowed to be honest i used to have to lie and felt alone, i believed it was all my fault, so i let it happen, it takes a while to wise up, remember he is older and probably controls everything she does, it will be hard to break free she probs doesnt wanna lie but she is probably scared. Just try and be there although u may not understand she probably needs u, i didnt have my family my ex told lies bout them and i only started talking to my mum in jan i had not spoken to her in 5 years it was hard to tell her what happened as i thought they hated me.

    So my only advice is try not to lose hope in her one day she will break free but until then be there especially for ur nephew.

    Take care hun xx
  • yeah you need the form from the registry office with liitle ones full name on it to register them with the doc, which us why my sons says charles but is called charlie
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