ooh so many interesting replys, ok so I was one that voted "too old" .........dont shoot me just yet..............................BUT I realise how wrong I was after actually sitting down and talking about it with friends/hubby. Personally ..for me...I had my first at 21 and thought it was and is the right age to start as I had had enough of clubs. pubs and going out 5 nights a week by then( started at 15!!!!!) and since my first at 21...I now have had 4 children before I reached 30. Alot yes and some of you might think bloody hell 4 and still that young but it was right for me.
So what i am trying to say here is if you feel its the right time in your life to have a baby then yes go for it, fine on a whole theres no right or wrong time really unless you have gone through the menopause at the correct age then no dont have one after that it is too old and you go through the change for a reason..if all that makes sense?????? ( sorry I am soo tired and have brain ache as I have been awake since 2am!!!!!!)
For me personally I wouldn't really want to have a baby over the age of 40, but I have got friends who have had babies in their 40s and it was totally fine for them. Of course had I not met my husband and had the chance to have babies when I was in my late 20s maybe my opinion would be different. For me now though I feel the risks are getting too high for things to go wrong, and I'm not sure I would have the energy to keep up with a young baby. Plus I would like the chance of being a grandparent myself one day and the later I have children the less the chance of me being around for grandchildren.
On a slightly different note my hubbies dad was 50 when he had him (second marriage and there is 25 years between his mum and dad). I'm afraid to say it did make a difference, his dad had much more old fashioned ideas about things and didn't take as much of an active role with him - playing football etc. Even though he was in very good health. Again, this isn't the situation for everyone, but I think as hubbies Dad had already raised 4 children from his first marriage he maybe didn't have the inclination to give it the same energy he had with them. x
I had my first child at the age 32 and i'm 35 this year but I met my hubby when I was 18 and married him at 25 so we were together 14 years before having a child. the reason for this is we didn't want children in our twenties and it wasn't until I hit 30 that I thought God I don't want to end up bitter and twisted in old age and regret not having children!! it was in fact the best decision of my life!!!
However I don't want another just yet as i'm back into my career and been given promotion and want to get stuck into this for a couple of years but would like my boy to have a sibling one day, so I will be looking to have another in my very late 30's early 40's. if it doesn't happen naturally then so be it, but if it does way hay!!
I don't feel 35, and I don't look it either. My son does keep me young too and I look after my body (well apart from a couple of glasses of wine a few evenings a week!!)
but it id different strokes for different folks xx
I think it's each to their own. 40 isn't old by any means, I think it becomes more of an issue when you hear of these women having IVF at 60+, now THAT I do have issues with as I believe that you're having a child for your own selfish reasons. 40, you're still young!
I had my daughter at 32 (I'm 33 next week), yet my husband & I have been together 14 years. We just decided to build up our own business and be properly settled before embarking on our family. We got married Sept '08, then started trying and had our DD October '09. We'd also love another one, possibly when I'm around 35, my husband is 40 this year, if we can! I don't see myself as old at all (although my crows feet leave a lot to be desired :lol
So, for us, leaving having children until our 30's was totally the right thing. I feel more aware of the world and also myself, at the age I am x
We are all in different circumstances, i am lucky that i found and married my husband by the age of 24 and we are in a position that enabaled us to have children early, a good friend of mine however is 40 this year and they have put off having children due to finances, they would make wonderful parents so for THEM it is not too old
i think there isnt anything wrong with a baby at 40, for some women mother nature allows this natuarally anyway, i just feel sad that babies born to older mothers miss out on family connections. my mother was 21 when she had me and up until a few years ago i had my great grandparents, my son has great granparents that are still young (60s) and due to this we have a huge family, my hubbys mum however didnt have him until nearly 40 and he bearely new his gran and his grandad died before we got married, so he only has his mum and dad, i do feel sad for him that he hasnt those connections, his mum is now nearly 70 and unlikely to see her grandson get married or have children, i also have a very strained relationship with her as its like being with my gran (who is younger!) and she thinks we can be best buds and she can mother me which i find very odd and uncomfortable.
having said that i do not think it is wrong, what i think is wrong is a 70 year old having a baby through IVF!! i think IVF should have a limit or 50 which i think here is the case, i am lucky enough not to have lost my parents and hoepfully will be quite old when it happens but i know esp for my hubby it will come soon well before he is middle aged and children born to older parents will go through this loss before maybe they should?
thats a very valid point piggypops but unfortunatley it doesn't always work out like that. My mum died when she was 46 and I was 16 so my mum never saw me get married or never met my beautiful son. My dad however is 74 this year and on saturday I caught him bouncing on his bed with my 2 1/2 year son!!!!! it was a delight to see and i'm so proud that I have a very active dad at 74!! He walks and cycles for miles every day!! yet my inlaws who are 60 and 64 never do diddly sqaut with my son as they are always too tired but thats what you get when you have aging hippies for grandparents that took too much acid in the 60's!!!!
Yes PP that is a good point..re the grandparents. However, how many rants have I read on here about useless grandparents etc..
Older parents will have a good network of friends and their children will become like family to their child. Family ties are important but not the be all and end all.
Having done both ages (kids in 20's and kids in late 30's) I do think for ME mid 30's is the best age.
I regret never pursuing the career path I wanted. I would never change a thing now as I love all 5 of my kids to pieces.
I know a lady who had very irregular periods from the onset. Relationships failed as she was so wrapped up in guilt that she could not get pregnant (she never went the IVF route just did not use contraception) anyway, finally at 35 she meets Mr Right. They go thro years of IVF and at 39 delivers a healthy little girl. They froze eggs and want to have another 2 before she is 45. If the poll is to be beleived then the majority on here think she is too old. How very sad!
I do totally agree that a woman in her late 40's onwards should gracefully accept that nature is telling her she is too old to have a baby. However, this does beg the Q why do men go on producing semen capable of fathering a baby till the day they die whereas, women stop producing eggs sometime in their 40's and 50's. It does not seem fair does it????? :x
Replies
Personally ..for me...I had my first at 21 and thought it was and is the right age to start as I had had enough of clubs. pubs and going out 5 nights a week by then( started at 15!!!!!) and since my first at 21...I now have had 4 children before I reached 30. Alot yes and some of you might think bloody hell 4 and still that young but it was right for me.
So what i am trying to say here is if you feel its the right time in your life to have a baby then yes go for it, fine on a whole theres no right or wrong time really unless you have gone through the menopause at the correct age then no dont have one after that it is too old and you go through the change for a reason..if all that makes sense??????
( sorry I am soo tired and have brain ache as I have been awake since 2am!!!!!!)
Of course had I not met my husband and had the chance to have babies when I was in my late 20s maybe my opinion would be different. For me now though I feel the risks are getting too high for things to go wrong, and I'm not sure I would have the energy to keep up with a young baby. Plus I would like the chance of being a grandparent myself one day and the later I have children the less the chance of me being around for grandchildren.
On a slightly different note my hubbies dad was 50 when he had him (second marriage and there is 25 years between his mum and dad). I'm afraid to say it did make a difference, his dad had much more old fashioned ideas about things and didn't take as much of an active role with him - playing football etc. Even though he was in very good health. Again, this isn't the situation for everyone, but I think as hubbies Dad had already raised 4 children from his first marriage he maybe didn't have the inclination to give it the same energy he had with them. x
I had my first child at the age 32 and i'm 35 this year but I met my hubby when I was 18 and married him at 25 so we were together 14 years before having a child.
the reason for this is we didn't want children in our twenties and it wasn't until I hit 30 that I thought God I don't want to end up bitter and twisted in old age and regret not having children!!
it was in fact the best decision of my life!!!
However I don't want another just yet as i'm back into my career and been given promotion and want to get stuck into this for a couple of years but would like my boy to have a sibling one day, so I will be looking to have another in my very late 30's early 40's. if it doesn't happen naturally then so be it, but if it does way hay!!
I don't feel 35, and I don't look it either. My son does keep me young too and I look after my body (well apart from a couple of glasses of wine a few evenings a week!!)
but it id different strokes for different folks
xx
I had my daughter at 32 (I'm 33 next week), yet my husband & I have been together 14 years. We just decided to build up our own business and be properly settled before embarking on our family. We got married Sept '08, then started trying and had our DD October '09. We'd also love another one, possibly when I'm around 35, my husband is 40 this year, if we can!
I don't see myself as old at all (although my crows feet leave a lot to be
desired :lol
So, for us, leaving having children until our 30's was totally the right thing. I feel more aware of the world and also myself, at the age I am x
i think there isnt anything wrong with a baby at 40, for some women mother nature allows this natuarally anyway, i just feel sad that babies born to older mothers miss out on family connections. my mother was 21 when she had me and up until a few years ago i had my great grandparents, my son has great granparents that are still young (60s) and due to this we have a huge family, my hubbys mum however didnt have him until nearly 40 and he bearely new his gran and his grandad died before we got married, so he only has his mum and dad, i do feel sad for him that he hasnt those connections, his mum is now nearly 70 and unlikely to see her grandson get married or have children, i also have a very strained relationship with her as its like being with my gran (who is younger!) and she thinks we can be best buds and she can mother me which i find very odd and uncomfortable.
having said that i do not think it is wrong, what i think is wrong is a 70 year old having a baby through IVF!! i think IVF should have a limit or 50 which i think here is the case, i am lucky enough not to have lost my parents and hoepfully will be quite old when it happens but i know esp for my hubby it will come soon well before he is middle aged and children born to older parents will go through this loss before maybe they should?
yet my inlaws who are 60 and 64 never do diddly sqaut with my son as they are always too tired but thats what you get when you have aging hippies for grandparents that took too much acid in the 60's!!!!
Older parents will have a good network of friends and their children will become like family to their child. Family ties are important but not the be all and end all.
Having done both ages (kids in 20's and kids in late 30's) I do think for ME mid 30's is the best age.
I regret never pursuing the career path I wanted. I would never change a thing now as I love all 5 of my kids to pieces.
I know a lady who had very irregular periods from the onset. Relationships failed as she was so wrapped up in guilt that she could not get pregnant (she never went the IVF route just did not use contraception) anyway, finally at 35 she meets Mr Right. They go thro years of IVF and at 39 delivers a healthy little girl. They froze eggs and want to have another 2 before she is 45. If the poll is to be beleived then the majority on here think she is too old. How very sad!
I do totally agree that a woman in her late 40's onwards should gracefully accept that nature is telling her she is too old to have a baby. However, this does beg the Q why do men go on producing semen capable of fathering a baby till the day they die whereas, women stop producing eggs sometime in their 40's and 50's. It does not seem fair does it????? :x
d x