not sure what to think on this one

I had really bad sickness until 32 weeks & with 3 under 5 to care for aswell I can imagine how hard it was for this poor woman. Maybe she had it alot worse but I really cant bring myself to feel sorry for her.


  • They're talking about this on Jeremy Vine's show on radio 2 right now.
  • I can actually really feel for her as I was this bad from being four weeks pregnant and was sick seventy three times in twenty hours one day. Your body really does take a hammering with that much and mine started to shut down. I will admit I thought about ending it because I literally wanted to die at times I was that bad. And as bad as it sounds I got through the days by counting down how long until it was too late for a termination. Now I wouldn't give up my baby girl for anything in the world but there is no way in he'll I will ever have another child as I couldn't even look after myself let alone a little one. It must have been a heartbreaking decision for her, poor woman x
  • I feel really sorry for her, it's not that she didn't want the baby, she did but it was putting her life in danger it was also preventing her from looking after her daughter, my cousin was in hospital for the first 7 weeks of her pregnancy and it was awful for her, we were pregnant and due at the same time and although I didnt have bad morning sickness I had it throughout the entire pregnancy, anyway my poor cousin couldnt move and she has said that because of this she will never have any more children.
  • I'm sorry, but I am of the opinion that if you knew you were ill when pregnant the first time and found that extremely hard. Then why on earth go on to try for another and then terminate it? She knew the chances were she would be ill again. It was her choice to try for another and her choice to terminate...what choice did the unborn baby have?? x
  • It's a tough one, I don't feel sorry for her but I don't see what she did as completely wrong. If it was impacting her ability to look after her daughter and had serious health implications for herself then I can understand her seeing it as the only option, but as mummytoabluebean just said she'd been through it once already and so knew it was likely to occur again so...
    What I don't understand though, is if her hyperemisis was that bad and she was that dehydrated why wasn't she hospitalised??
  • I don't feel sorry for her either - I'm a bit shocked tbh. I'm surprised she wasn't hospitalised either - i know women with sickness that severe often are.

    Now I never had bad morning sickness - so may be the wrong person to judge this- but when you think about the reality of having a child, for the whole of it's life - what's a few weeks of morning sickness? soon all forgotten when baby is in your arms surely? For me the all the aches and niggles of pregnancy and the birth were all a short term pain for a long term gain - you then have that baby for it's whole life. (and I was hospitalised with severe pain during my pregnancy with ds2) Personally, I can't imagine any illness so bad that I would choose an abortion - but maybe it's impossible for me to put myself in her shoes?

    What I will say is that I don't agree with her splashing her story in the papers - maybe she wants approval or absolution?
  • I feel sorry for her, I could never have done that. My cousin who had a baby 4 weeks after me was hospitalized 4 times during pregnancy due to sickness, she couldn't keep water down & was fainting lots of times after she was 28 weeks it calmed down. She hated being so sick & says she wouldn't rush back to pregnancy because of this. But, she had 2 miscarriages & no matter how tough she was being very ill, she could never have had an abortion. I can see why she did it, but at the end of the day morning sickness no matter how tough it never lasts!!! Even if it lasts the full pregnancy it's only a tiny chunk of ur life!!

    Jayne xx
  • i think as she KNEW what it would be like, or had a good idea it would happen again i think she was a bit selfish concieving in the first place, i do not feel sorry for her, i feel for the baby she terminated.

  • I actually change my mind, I meant to say I felt sorry for first pregnancy being so I'll but agree it was selfish to do it again knowing how Ill you were the first time, hence why I said I'll never do it again.

    Oh, and I was that ill but towards end of my pregnancy they stopped admitting me to hospital as it wasn't actually helping and was just distressing me (though that was more the hospital and a whole other post! Lol) so sometimes they will let you deal at home but she was even more irresponsible staying at home in that condition with a child surely it would have been better to be in hospital and get lil girl taken care of?

    (sorry if my posts are a bit all over today, just learning to use new iPad and mildly confused with the buttons on screen to press for everything! Lol)
  • I feel for her, I think she's very brave going to the press to try and help others, she knows she'll be judged about the abortion.

    It would have be different the first time round as she just had to get through it herself and not care for her daughter, plus pregnancies can be very different and what was to say that she wouldn't have suffered in this one? It was a risk, other parents take risks on babies knowing there could be genetic problems, health problems for themselves and the baby but the urge to have a child can be overwhelming. Being so ill you wish you were dead has to be horrific, I can't imagine it, she should have had more support, even if it was home visits to check her well being, others that are seriously ill would get this level of care, why should she differ?

    Each to their own but I feel for her xxx
  • I feel for her too. In effect she felt she had no choice but to sacrifice one baby for the sake of the other :\(

    The thought of abortion makes me feel sick, but it's not like this was a casual or easy decision if the report is to be believed. And having never experienced such severe illness myself - never mind with a LO to care for - who am I to judge?
  • Oh, boo hoo for her. She knew she was likely to have severe sickness again, she made the choice to create that baby so she should have damn well protected it, not disposed of it because her pregnancy didn't go smoothly.

    Lots of things in her story do not ring at all true, I know someone who had severe hyperemesis in three pregnancies and she was hospitalised a lot, and was offered a variety of treatments to reduce her symptoms. High blood pressure in pregnancy can also be treated, I had treatment for it.

    IMO, once you make a conciousl decision to conceive a child, you're a parent, and you take the knocks and you nurture and protect it, regardless of any impact it has on you; and if you can't commit to that, don't bring a life into being in the first place. Selfish, selfish, selfish. People like her make *me* want to vomit.
  • I think what she did was wrong and selfish. yes she had terrible sickness but she knew that was likely to hapen so why on earth go and do it again if u can't cope. I agree with Mrs Setters once u conceive a child ur a parent
  • Hi guys

    I'm GCing slightly as Daisy is more toddler than baby these days.

    I read this story and cried.

    I don't know how many of you remember my story, but I had very severe HG (her condition) when I was pregnant. I was hospitalised for almost 18 weeks almost continuously (sometimes I'd get 24 hours at home). I had liver failure and lost 4 stone in the first 18 weeks of my pregnancy. I was so ill that I was used for medical students to come and do a case study. I was so ill that no consultant, no matter how experienced, had ever seen a case as bad as mine. And I was so ill that I have been advised to never go through another pregnancy again.

    During those early weeks (I was first hospitalised at 8.5 weeks), I was given the option by consultants, midwives, nurses and everybody else (husband included) to terminate the pregnancy. Everyone said they would understand in my position why I might want to think about it.

    The truth is that I never EVER considered it. The very idea that I could do this made me feel worse and in the end, I asked them to put a note on my notes to not ask me again. At the time, I could understand why people would think that, but now, it makes me feel sick that anyone would have suggested it.

    But, I think that until you have been in this situation and properly in this situation with this kind of condition, you just can't comment on how you would feel. I CAN understand why this lady decided to do this, but I couldn't have ever contemplated it myself. Incidentally, I also think that Daisy and I have a stronger bond because of what we went through together - it really was me and her against the world - and it's continued like this since the day she was born.

    Hope I haven't gone on too much - as you can imagine, it's a story very close to my heart. Thanks for listening - quite cathartic actually!

    C xxx
  • It's a tough one, I don't know how I feel about it. I do know that I don't feel sorry for her though, I can't help it, I just don't.
    Who knows how bad it got for her, but I can't help thinking that if it was me, I would keep it in my mind that it is not forever, and at the end of it I would have my amazing baby. There are people out there that are really ill, not pregnancy related, and it's not only for a few months, it's forever and there is nothing they can do about it.
    I wouldn't have aborted my baby, but thats just my opinion.
    I also don't get why she has went to the papers etc with this?
  • I agree with Mrs Setters once u conceive a child ur a parent

    Yes, me too - but this lady already WAS a parent and she was unable to look after her first child because of her unborn second. That puts a different slant on it, no? It's very good of MrsSetters to impart another of her incontestable moral aphorisms for the greater good, but life isn't this black and white for the rest of us mere mortals.

    Gosh MrsButtons, I didn't know your story. Wow. WILL you ever ttc again, do you think? Please don't feel you have to reply.
  • I guess in a way it does and agree that life isn't black and white. I never had terrible morning sickness, but I don't agree with abortion. The reason why i agreed with mrs Setter's was becuase the woman had decided to conceive again and therefore become a parent again x
  • PTB, it was pretty grim...

    I don't think so... TBH my pregnancy changed my whole life (how dramatic does that sound?!) My husband and I have split up which I think has a lot to do with the way we both coped so differently with the situation. I am still (15 months on) suffering with what has been diagnosed at post traumatic stress disorder.. etc etc

    But the biggest reason is similar to the lady we're talking about. I don't see how I could possibly look after Daisy if I went through the same thing again. Most people who have HG have a 75% chance of it recurring - my chance is even higher than that... In some ways, I'm very sad about that - I always wanted a brother or sister for my Doodle.. In other ways though, she is such a miracle - they so seriously believed that Daisy would be affected badly by the drugs which I was taking during the pregnancy that they had consultant paediatric surgeons on standby when she was born and there is not a thing seriously wrong with her! In don't think I could be that lucky again and I don't think I want to miss that much of my little miracle's life.

    Also, my liver may not take that kind of pressure a second time..

    I find it pretty difficult to hear about people's lovely pregnancies and sooooo wish that I could experience that, but in reality, it would almost definitely never happen to me.

    Now, my new worry is that I might never meet another bloke (assuming my hubby and I stay split and it's early days) because they would want their own children...

    C xx
  • I'm suffering with HG at the moment, I'm 10+2 and have been in hospital twice already for a week each time I've lost 20lb and am only just starting to be able to keep fluid in....I was given the option by partner to terminate this pregnancy and as Mrs Button I point blankly refused to even let the thought enter my head, saying that I can understand why she did it, it's horrible, exhusting, scary , painful , lonely and so hard to cope with I'm lucky I have a fantastic family and my partner has been Amazing. I had this with my first daughter but no where near as bad but did end up bursting the blood vessels in and around my eyes and tearing my
    Esophagus when I asked if I would go through it again they said every pregnancy was different and they couldnt say either way hense the reason I tried again....I'm now counting down the days to 12 weeks when things may become easier.

    I am pleased that this lady did the article as a lot of people I work with have come up to me today saying they knew things were bad but now they understand a bit more.

    Sorry I've completely rambled here lol

    I know that in a less than 7 months time I'll be holding this little bundle and that is worth every minute I spend being Ill and every cuddle I get off my darling daughter reminds of what's to come image x x
  • Just say mrs buttons and jen's mum you are both so brave for going through all that and I hope for both of you it clears up soon, jen's mum I burst the blood vessels in my eyes during my pregnancy also it was awful!! Hope your ms passes soon xxxx
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