Just needing to write it all down..can't take it all anymore

I know its very pathetic of me to feel this way, but it's just one thing after another round here.

I don't have any friends around me anymore, either because they've forgotton about me, or just dumped me because babies aren't part of their life plan with their mates or suddenly i had a higher priority than them and they couldn't handle it. I've spent so long just trying to make friends with people who i have more in common with now, or keep in touch with the mates that i did have (and it not working) that i just feel so numb now. I feel like every day is just a series of chores i need to do to get somewhere but where the hell i'm going, i'll never know.I'm living in the upstairs of my parents house, tried three times to move out, each time it going pear shaped at the last minute, OH refuses to save his money properly so i'm the one who's saving money despite my only income being the tax credits and child benifit, as OH thinks it would be detrimental for Harry to go to nursery (i had to beg and beg and beg for him to let me go to college one day a week and Harry to nursery). He's just damaging and fixing his car on regular intervals - still adamant that he's the best thing on god's earth. I go through phases of binge eating and starving myself because i just can't control my own eating habits and sleep so intermittantly that i'm constantly tired.

I thought everything was fine that i had harry. That nothing else really matters but now he really doesn't like me and its making life just that bit harder. He's stroppy if i don't pick him up when he wants, but soon as i do he screams to get down. I'm never quick enough to do his food, and while i don't rush everything to the nth degree to please him, i'm frantically trying to think of things to distract him while he's waiting. Its like talking to a brick wall if there's something i need to keep him away from, ie the cooker/the fireplace/the stairs if someone has left the gate open, etc. He'll blatantly ignore me and nothing i can do otherwise. He kicks me and hits me constantly. I have a massive bruise on my thigh from where he hit me with a book. He's one! He's not supposed to have brute strength and be mean. He's supposed to want to play with me and cuddle me! He doesn't want to have me hold his bottle of milk at bedtime (well its a beaker, but it looks like a bottle). He'll decide he doesn't want to sit on my lap and have his milk, he'll sit for a bit but then clamber over me kicking me while he's at it to get into his cot and then screams until i get him his dummy. If i can't find it he'll start hitting the ends of his cot, or if i've left his bedroom door open he'll grab the side and start pulling it against his cot.

My baby boy used to be so nice - everyone thinks he still is. Even his daddy thinks he's such an angel, but moment everyones gone, he's not Harry. Well he is sometimes, but very rarely image my little boy isn't there anymore image

sorry... i just needed to write it somewhere. x


  • Hi hun,
    Didin't want to read and run but I think writing it all down must help a little bit. You can see it all in black and white and some people will have helpful advice too.
    I also think maybe trying to talk to someone like a gp or hv? Might help.
    Sorry I'm crap, just whish I could think of something helpful to say. Sending hugs instead x
  • Hi hun. Babies will always push things around mummy, tyring to see how much you will take. Have you tried just breathing and trying not to look at him whilst making his food etc rather than distracting him? Riley scream if I blow his food (so impatient!) so I just calmly stop and look away so he can see the side of my face only, and when he's calm he then gets eye contact. It took a few days for him to understand what I was doing. The same with if he screamed for his dummy, I would do it slowly, and he gradually stopped shouting at m for it as he knew to expect it in his routine.

    Sorry you're feeling so rubbish. Have you been to any groups at all? Know what you mean about wanting to make friends with people with more in common, I had the same as you in that most of my friends got stroppy as Riley came before them or I couldn't go out drinking with them, so we aren't in contact. The mummy friends I meet are always lovely but I don't feel we have much in common or they seem a bit competitive about how many groups they go to and having "the girls" round (from each group) for tea etc. Can't be doing with all that! Luckily I have made a couple of friends who are great to meet up with, but I wouldnt yet call them close friends as I don't know very much about them life wise if that makes sense? I have some of my old friends, but feel i'm the one making the effort, so can see where you're coming from. The way I look at it is that for the moment i'll have to have basic friendships, plus family etc, then when I eventually go back to work or start new hobbies maybe there will be other people with more similar interests.

    As for men and saving, grrr. Hubby is having an affair with his overdraft! Despite the fact I have cleared it four times completely in lump sums he then goes back into it, so cannot give any advice i'm afraid.

    Harry does like you, but like Riley he is probably with mummy all the time, and naturally you get bored and grouchy if you're always with the same person. He does love you, think of those children who have abusive parents, they still love their parents as it's what we do as human beings at that age, and you are of course a much better mummy than those mums. xxx
  • Your 2nd paragraph sounds like I've typed it. I've put a post on today about how I'm feeling down with my lo being angry & frustrated.
    I'm sorry don't have any real advice just to let you know someone is in a similar situation.
    And Harry does love you - you always hurt the ones you love. Isn't that right.......
  • Oh sweetie i'm so sorry you feel that way. I don't really have any advice other than to try and speak to someone about how you feel.
    Being a mummy is hard work and if you don't get support it's even harder.
    I wish there was something i could to help x
  • Didn't want to r&r, don't have any real advice, but do you think he might be feeling a bit insecure as he's picking up on your vibes? Babies pick up on when you're happy, excited, cheerful and feeling down and hitting out might be the way he's expressing himself at you feeling sad? Just an idea. xox
  • Emailed you sweet.xx
  • I'm sorry you feel so down. It's normal when you have kids because your life can never run in the way you want it to. You loose control as the kids behave in different ways each day. You'll have good days and bad days.

    Regarding friends I've come to accept that I'll never have the friendships I used to have as I can't drop everything for my friends. However over time you will make friends with other mums through groups etc but they won't be friendships like your old ones as all mums have to put the kids first and don't have as much time to bond. Luckily after years of not having the friendships I used to because I moved a long way from my old friends I have found some really good friends through my older childs school friends. We usually meet up once a week with the kids and once a week by ourselves. So I am sure given time you will find some friends.

    Just keep your chin up. You sound like a lovely person so I am sure you will get to know some other friends soon.

    Re your son just wait until he is ten and you have spent all day running around for him and then he turns around and gives you a mouth full. At least when they are one they can't answer you back. Being a Mum is a thankless task most of the time but remember even though they don't show it you are the most important person in their world.
  • Thanks for the replies, Ladies. Think i just have to get really really hardnosed about stuff like this. And Harry did give me a great slobbery kiss this morning so i do feel better about it.

    Karen, sorry lovey but haven't got your email - don't think the button is working properly. My email is [email protected] x
  • Ok emailed you again hon, thought you were just ignoring me lol!xx
  • hey,

    as for friends - It is difficult, most of our school friends dont have children so they just dont understand how you put someone else first so we miss out on most social things because our lo is not invited and we want to spend family time together.They'll realise one day!

    Is there someone you can talk to about the eating? Could you set yourself menu's each day to help control your eating?

    Babies and children actually love boundaries, they make them feel safe and loved. Write down what behaviour you can ignore (no attention given) behaviour you will 'punish' (saying no etc)and behaviour you will reward - with cuddles and verbal praise etc. If you stick to it then he will feel secure and you will feel more in control. Hopefully the behaviour on the ignore list will get better as he's getting no response, otherwise you can gradually add them to the 'punish' pile. He should show more of the behaviour he is getting praised for as all children/babies + adults love praise. He does love you, he's just testing where the limits are for his behaviour and seeking your attention the wrong way.

    Punish is a harsh word, couln't think of an alternative!

    Really hope things improve for you soon,

  • Yes, in addition to my email I completely agree with Lisa, I'd forgotten half of what I was supposed to write doh!

    Lisa - discipline instead of punish?xx
  • thanks karen! a much better word, I didn't want to write punish but baby brain made me not be able to think of a nicer word! lol
  • thanks karen! a much better word, I didn't want to write punish but baby brain made me not be able to think of a nicer word! lol
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