10 signs your a new mum

1)that half-glazed, half-euphoric expression is a giveaway.From that first heady look into your newborn's eyes and jolt of recognition- it feels like you've always known each other- you're in love. It's like she's always been here and you can't imagine life without her. But you'd still do anything for a good nights sleep

Still in your pj's with bed head at 4pm? Congratulations- you must be a new mum! Here are other telltale signs. Spot yours?

2)Your hysterical laughter when, a few days after giving birth, your midwife asks, with a straight face, what contraception you're planning on using. er, the not-having-sex method? Funnily enough, what with the stitches and the rock hard boobs, you're not really in the mood

3)You and your partner dissolve into giggles when you refer to each other as Mummy and Daddy. On your first family outing, jostling to push the pram, you switch between soppy smiles and cracking up when you catch each other's eye. Look at us! We're parents! Er, does that make us grown ups?

4)Proudly stepping out with your baby in your new baby sling. theres 1 problem, its not done up properly. those straps are so confusing-especially on 2 hours kip a night

5) you're a magnet for advie- often unwanted. Once you've sorted the baby sling, brace yourself for how many times a well-meaning old dear asks you, 'can he breathe all right in there, love?' You think ' ive just given birth and still can't sit down. Do you really think i'm going to suffocate my baby after going through all that EH?' you say 'Thanks but he's fine'. Wow with motherhood comes maturity

6) Although you do have paranias of your own, Mrs. Youve spent hours trying to get her to sleep. When you check her- a nanosecond later- shes sleeping so deeply, you gingerly put your hand on her chest to check she's breathing, Result? One screaming baby

7)Forget an oh-so elegant pashmina, your must have accesorie is a muslin cloth over the shoulder to mop up the baby sick. but thjose telltale white stains still appear halfway down your back

8) YOu can't hear a sad story, especially about children, without crying. Everything sets you off- even the puppy in that flipping loo roll advert. Hormones have a hell of a lot to answer for...

9)Those wet patches on your t-shirt. Your newborn cries, and you have a milk 'letdown'. People give you an embarrassed once-over then look away quickly. Why doesn't anyone ever tell you? Talking of leakage...

10)One minute you're in fits of laughter as you swap birth stories with your antenatal gang, the next you're rushing to the loo red-faced. That pelvic floor just isnt what it used to be
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