Nightmare Day

I cud kill someone today! Namely my boyfriend's nan & great aunt!

We went for a buffet and everything I did with LO was wrong! They were interfering about everything and whatever i did wasnt right. They insisted he was hungry when he was just overtired and to make em happy I had to sterilise a bottle with boiling water as I didnt have a spare one as surprise surprise he wasn't hungry!! 2 mins after I'd made the bloody bottle he was asleep!

And then as we were going my bfs great aunt had the CHEEK to say "Well you've learned something today havent you" in a patronising voice. WHAT I had learnt exactly I didnt know as I just pretended I hadnt heard!!!

Now he is really overtired from being passed around & i am knackered. I have passed him to mil for a bit until I do his bath. (She wants him - am not just handing him over lol).

Stupid old people!!!!!!!!!
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  • You ought to do this, you ought to do that, that's not right. .. . . .The list is endless. I dread family get-togethers. You have my full sympathy Sweetie. Now breathe. . .

    xxx
  • luckily my family aunt like this....well my nan is a bit. but i can imagine tha you just want to smqack them on the forehead and say [email protected] off! xxxx
  • Oh dear poor you! Well done on not killing them!!

    I think I'd have been tempted to say 'yes I've learned not to listen to people trying to tell me what to do cause I know whats best for my baby!' but then I'm a gobby cow at times image I'm dreading my bil's wedding cause I'm sure hubbys family will want to try and pass lo around like a parcel and try and tell me what to do and I'll have to try and behave! Interfearing people should be banned from family get togethers!

  • It drives you mad doesnt it. My mil & mum have been brilliant and say do what works for you. But it seems the older people (my gran, and my boyfriends) are a nightmare for telling you what to do. They commented disdainfully on everything I did, varying from how I put him to sleep (on his back - "Oh you cant put him on his back, he'll be sick and choke!"), what I dressed him in ("Hes too hot you should keep babies cool"), what milk he's on ("Its not filing him up, he needs something more substantial"), everytime he cried it was cos he was so overtired but they kept saying oh he's hungry, oh it's colic, grrrrrrr.......I mean I may only have been doing this for a month but I think I know him by now. xxx
  • my mil was lovely until i got preg! i am a nurse and midwife, but she kept telling me things that i tell people a million times a day, and of course the stuff she was telling me was outdated or wrong!
    when i had him, it carried on, with her "advice" - just like your probs, Tigerlily!
    just remember, he is YOUR baby, and you know him better than anyone!
  • so pleased to hear its not just me that has a nightmare mil but so sorry that yours is a pain too. My mil (silly old twit) told me i was being selfish for exclusively breastfeeding because it meant she couldn't feed her grandchild!!!!! Oh yes and thats one of her better opinions! x
  • Oh my mum drives me mad with the sleeping on the back comments. Every time I mention that he's not keen on being on his tummy she harps on about how its cause he sleeps on his back and I never slept on my back and was fine! load of crap really..he just prefers to be upright!! Its not like he's not used to being on his tummy, he just doesn';t like it! At least she's got over her obsession that he's got wind (he's not a windy baby)!

    jojomummy - yeah sure thats really selfish wanting to do teh best for your child!! If thats one of the better ones I dread what the ohter comments were!
  • I had an awful weekend too if it makes you feel better. Went to MIL's hotel and even though I am not supposed to be working this year my MIL and her friend kept taking the baby and telling me to go and work. The baby was constantly screaming because although it is 30 degrees they kept saying she would get cold and wrapping her up in a blanket. When I picked her up she was burning hot. My MIL then told me she was crying because my breast milk wasn't any good and I should give her a bottle instead. I do tend to give her a bottle every afternoon and when I got it out my MIL said "Go and do some work the baby doesn't need you if it is a bottle". I know she wants me to bottle feed so she can take over full control of the baby and make me work in the hotel 16 hours a day like all the other years. So even though I want to stop BFeeding I will carry on to annoy her.
    Also at the moment during the week I live 20 miles away from her and my husband they have the baby police around. They are always phoning me to say someone saw me carrying the baby in a baby sling and I shouldn't do that. Or someone saw me walking with the baby and she only had a dress and cardigan on etc etc. I told them this is my 3rd child and I have't killed or injured the other 2 so maybe I know what i am doing.
    Oh well, only 2 weeks and I will be moving into the hotel and will have 3 months of my MIL driving me crazy. Something to look forward to! Not.
  • omg you have some really awful mils! they sound so cruel! im glad i dont have this problem!!! you poor people! xxx
  • Just read these posts and I'm glad my MIL isn't like this! In fact I wished they lived closer to us so could see lo more (i prob wouldn't say that if they did though)!
  • i hate this topic soooo much it always gets me really stressed, in laws are awful, it's like they think they magically made the baby themselves and you're just an inconvenience to it all.....i'm always being told what to do, or oh is told what an awful mother i'm being for feeding/burping/anything him wrong, i haven't really got any suggestions for you because i never know what to say myself, i do have a good moan to oh about it, but lets face it when will a man ever stand up to their mummy? i have though (regardles of consequences) stood up to mil and said ' well you did it your way, now let me do it mine!' she hasn't taken a blind bit of notice so far though Aaaarrrggh

    selfish for bf baby! and if its like my inlaw hse it's prob the only time you get to hold them too. i'm dreading when lo can be spoon fed there'll be no good reason why only i can do it! i get told i'm selfish for wanting a cuddle with lo when we stay at inlaws as i get him all the time at home! i don't think it works like that personally!
    good luck everyone, with any luck there will come a time when they listen, or, if not, our los will be giving them an earful themselves heehee
  • Well done for you for not blowing your top with them. I used to get this when I first had Amy & one day I just had enough & I (it was some of hubbys older relatives too) just thanked them for their advice & told them that I knew they meant well but the advice had changed from what it was when they were bringing up their children & its no longer safe to put them to sleep on their tummies or to add a bit of brandy to their bottles to make them sleep (believe it or not that is what they suggested worked a treat!!) better. I'm not really sure if they were pleased or not but I've only seen them a couple of times since so I dont really care.
  • Good to know in a way that I'm not the only one (tho wouldnt wish it on anyone!)....Hilary I cant believe they suggested putting brandy in the bottle! Cos THAT's really good for a baby isnt it???! :lol:

    I still feel down about it today. Every time he even whinged yesterday my ohs nan just took him off me and said something like "Oh whats your mummy doing". It was all sooooo patronising...I know i shouldnt let it bother me but I feel like I should be doing better now.
  • Oh families can be so annoying at times! Tiger Lily, I know just what you mean- my mil is sooo obsessed with Lily it drives me mad! She wanted us all to go for tea at their house when Lily was only a few days old and I could barely walk. Then when we went a week later, as soon as Lily cried either mil or fil snatched her from me and made me feel totally useless. I was already feeling low and that really pushed me over the edge. I never said anything but find it so hard to be civil to them now.

    LOL at brandy in the bottle! They really did used to do it, my grandma suggested it once but not seriously. Apparently gripe water used to be mainly alcohol as well...prob made babies burp cos they were drunk!

    Greek baby, your mil sounds awful! Keep up the breast feeding just to annoy her! It must be really hard working for so long when you've just had a baby and it's so hot.

    Sounds like there's a lot of horrible inlaws out there!

    xxx
  • my MIL is exactly the fucking same, annoys my tits right off. but as evie's gotten older i've gotten better at answering back and standing my ground (and became queen of hackey looks!) and it shuts her right up. she too is a one of those "your BF isnt sufficient she needs formula milk" type.. i mean, WTF!? at first i thought she was just jealous because i couldnt BF properly as evie never latched on so i expressed my milk for 3months which to me is a really good achievement, but she never even bothered bf any of hers. i think i made her feel bad as i was trying so hard with it and persevered. but having heard your MIL stories i think it must just be a common stone-age opinion! when i was preggers my MIL also (when looking through their family photos a week before our wedding) flaunted a photo of my OH and his ex cuddling in my face and then refused to get rid of it and insisted she kept it!!! she also told me my face was fat and spotty.. kind of sugar coated though so OH didnt even notice what she was implying. she also moaned on at OH when i didnt take my FIL's advice to give her chocolate mousse when id been weaning her for 4 sodding days. arrrghhhh i could go on and on... but will spare you all x
  • It's not my mil who was bad....Shes lovely! lol. I sympathise with those of you with mean ones though!

    Linzi it is a great acheivement to keep expressing for 3 months well done!! My lo never latched on either despite trying a few times but I gave formula straightaway.
  • oh that is just not on, i don't really know what to advise as i still have problems with my inlaws and lo is 6 months, (i can't bring myself to forgive mil for the way i was treated in the early days at the mo') but i just wanted to say you are doing fine and i am sure you are a brilliant mum, don't let anyone think that you should know more or be doing more by now. it's hard for anyone to learn how to really be there with their baby and it makes it a lot harder when there are others interfering, but i bet you do a great job when they aren't there to snatch him, so dont think otherwise. part of the problem is probably that you automatically tense up when around them so baby senses it, this happened to me which was gutting as i was tense so baby cried, calm mil took him and hey presto no crying grrrr,
    is there any way you could explain to your oh how they are making you feel? or next time a comment like that is made tell her you appreciate the help (ahem) but would really like to learn how to look after your own baby as you cant rely on her all the time! (if you are a keep the peace kind of girl), otherwise something like 'well mummy is not doing anything because you're not giving her a chance' might get some sort of response.
    good luck, i really do know how hard it is and how horrible it makes you feel, but you make sure you take time to enjoy your baby and ignore any put downs because if you actually listened to everything they suggested you'd probably find it's all out of date and on the dont dare do list now! take care of yourself, chin up girlie, you're doing good =)
  • Haha LinziMc- why is it that oh never notices what the mil is REALLY saying?!

    My mil said before xmas- ooh Lily's sitting really well now isn't she? I said yeah, she's been doing it for a while now to which I got the response, well we wouldn't know, we never see her! My hubby never batted an eyelid as I was made out to be depriving them of their only grandchild!

    GRR!

    xxx
  • I wonder what we will be like when we are MILs! Maybe it's a vicious circle and when we get older we feel we have to act in the same way.

    My MIL can be really awful but at other times really nice. She has problems because when my OH was 1 years old and his sister 40 days old her OH family made her leave the kids in Greece and go to Germany to work to send money back to help the rest of the family. She didn't see the kids for 2 years. She really regrets it now but at the time she was young and too frightened to say no. Women did what they were told in those days. She says my baby reminds her of her little girl that she missed out on. So I think she wants to make up for the loss she suffered. So I try to understand and give her time with the baby. But she should understand things from my side and not try to repeat things by making me work all hours instead of enjoy time with my baby.
  • omg!! greek baby, that MIL story is so sad!!
    saying that tho', she should in that case realise what your baby means to you and lay off you about working at the hotel!

    hope it all goes well with the move....
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