don't want mil looking after lo - help!

although mil means well she does my head in!!! she's very loud, always knows best, doesn't listen to the way I want things done coz in her words 'I do know - i have been a mum 4 times myself' yes i know that but i do things differently - arrrrgggghhhhh!!!! she always makes having Charlie a competition against my mum (my mum just ignores her though!) she says things like 'i've had Charlie all day Friday' expectinga big response!!! my mum works tho she cant have charlie as much as she'd like.

Anyway im having to make decisions about childcare for when i go back to work in july. my mum is reducing her hours so will have Charlie mon & weds, im hoping to condense my hours into 4 days so i can have friday off, so that leaves tues and thurs. the thing is i really don't want mil to have Charlie. Hubby also moans about his mum from time to time but i think will be quite hurt if we don't let her have him, i just don't know how to word things with hubby, i've tried giving practical reasons why it wouldn't work, eg, would have to keep swapping carseat between two cars, the nursery is next to my place of work but the reality is i just dont want mil to have him - what can i do???


  • i haven't even had my lo yet but had to respond to this as it is something I am already worrying about!! I am hoping to have as much time as possible off but stressing about when the MIL is expecting our baby. She and oh have already said about when I go back to work I dont need to worry about childcare aaaaaarrrrrggghhhh!!
  • yeah i agree just think of as many 'practical' reasons as poss.. tell him that it will be good for charlie to mix with other children for a few days too, to promote his social development in preparation for school.
    im lucky i get on with mil, she will be having cam all 3 days when i go back to work but its stil hard to talk to her about the way i want things doing...again she thinks cos she's raised her own kids she knows how to raise mine?!!
  • Hi, I was going to say the same as listef..I would say that you want charlie to start socialising with other children and so think nursery would be in the best interest for him.x
  • Couldn't you split it and let mil have the baby for a day and then nursery/childminder for the other??
    My mil offered to have Poppy for us when I first went back to work but hell would have to freeze over first! I much prefer that Poppy is receiving the type of care that I want her to have because I'm paying for it rather than have to settle for what someone else will give for free if that makes sense??! If someone is doing you a favour having your lo while you work then I personally think you have to be more flexible as they are doing you a favour not vice versa?!
  • My mum has Lily 1 and a half days a week and sometimes she ignores what I say and does what she wants, which is annoying. But at least she tells me I suppose! Lily goes to nursery 2 days a week and really enjoys it - you can see it in her face! I will NEVER let my MIL have Lily as I have seen how she has been with hubby's sister's children - letting them do as they loike and generally undermining their mum (her daughter). As a result one of the children is so horrid and likes her own way etc etc etc. I know MIL is desperate to have Lily but it ain't gonna happen!

    My hubby knows how I feel and he was hurt when I told him but he agrees that she is not the best person to have Lily.

    Enjoy your time off and try not to think about July too much!
  • this is so typical its almost funny. My mil is exactly same. Right down to the 'i've done it twice already' malarky. She's also tried giving me copy after copy of her rota so i can 'work when it's convenient'. Uhhh... No thankyou! I will look after my son or he will go to nursery so he can play with his friends. It does annoy me but i just shrug it off with 'got it covered thanks' or 'no worries'. Nevermind. You just gotta brush things off and be the seriously protective mummy around mil image like me. Xxx
  • If you don't want her to have your LO don't let her. I never wanted my inlaws to have evie while i worked but i didn't have the balls, and felt i didn't have a good enough reason so i kept quiet. And now i really regret it. i HATE leaving the house when they are looking after her. FIL doesnt even let me near her for a goodbye kiss and cuddle. Breaks my heart. Please, what ever your excuse just stuck to your guns and you'll thank yourself later on XX
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