A rod for my own back?


I was having a chat to my sister last night - she was asking how Adam is sleeping. I said he is ok-ish. Goes down between 7 and 8, feeds at 10/11, then again at 7am. I said I didn't count this as 'sleeping through' though, as he still woke a couple of times and needed a bit of a shushy to get back to sleep. My sister asked what this involved and I said generally just a minute (usually less) of hand holding (I don't need to pick him up) before he settled back down. To which her exact words were 'oh, you should just ignore him, otherwise you're creating a rod for your own back'!

So my question is...am I??

On a practical level, I can't leave Adam to cry in the night - we all share a room (only got a one bedroom flat) - so if he is awake and crying then myself and my husband are awake listening to it. On an emotional level, I don't really want to leave my baby to cry, when I know I can easily settle him before he gets too worked up.

However, I don't want to still be shushying him twice a night when he's 5! :roll:

Cath and Adam (19 weeks)


PS my sister doesn't have any children, but is practically my nephews' second Mum!


  • Ignore her! Do what works for you hun! Babies do things in their own time so one day he will surprise you at being able to sleep right through the night!

  • oh goodness at 19 wks I would say NO it's perfectly acceptable to be doing as you are - do what works for you!!! image
  • do what ever makes you and your baby happy.
    for example i use to cuddle and rock my dd1 to sleep for every nap and every night! she sleeps brillintly now and has done for all her life! she now goes to bed at 7pm she has a book read to her and then reads books herslef til she falls asleep and most of the time we dont hear a peep til 7am! (ok last night was a bad night but she had a bad dream and woke lizzie too but thats first time ever!)
    Lizzie has a dummy at night time and 99% of the time now she sleeps without waking at all but if she wakes i just pop her dummy back in as like you I cant bear the thought of her crying herslef to sleep!
  • I'm no expert, but I would personally say, no, you are not making a rod for your own back at all!!! The hand hold sounds just perfect, as he's obviously sometimes waking up for a bit of comfort, and you holding his hand just lets him know you're still there, in the same way pat and shhh, or pick up put down does.

    My Lo who's 8months has just, in last 2 wks started sleeping through, but before this we would have to go in a few times a night to pat and shhh, like you it would literally be a few seconds, so don't worry, we clearly didn't make a rod!!!!

    Also, remember, you're the one in the room with him, and if my choices were shhhhhing and him being back to sleep in minutes or screaming baby for hrs at 3 in the morning, I know which one i'd choose, lol!!!

  • Thanks everyone. I wouldn't say that I have a great deal of maternal instinct (hence my constant need for reassurance :lolimage so it's good to know that I am doing ok in this instance! xx
  • oh honey I really don't think you are.

    I've been worrying about this as for months now I've been feeding/rocking/cuddling DD to sleep (sometimes all 3!) and was convinced (due to lots of people and all those bloody books) that I was 'making a rod for my own back'

    well looks like they were all wrong! She's come on leaps and bounds these past couple of weeks and now can self settle for most naps and is getting there for bed time.

    So all those well meaning people can shove it! I have complete faith that my DD will learn how to do it all in her own time. Am now officially refusing to worry about it.

    Also well done for just having to do a little shushy, we still have to feed DD at about 3am.

    MN and DD 19+6
  • im with the others hell settle in his own time xx
  • G/C from Toddler, but I would do the same thing with Rachel when she was little - in fact, I often fell asleep holding her little hand through the crib. She's now 19 months, sleeps in her own room and self settles with no problem at all.

    Carry on, you're both happy so what's the problem?!

    Hannah xx
  • I say keep doing what your doing. As he only needs you to hold his hand and only for a minute, it seems he is doing it for reasurrance.
    Bless him if you stopped doing it and he woke and cried for you and you didn't go and hold his hand, I am sure he would get more upset and not understand. He just wants the comfort x
  • Never mind hand-holding, my babies spent/spend at least part if not all of the night in bed with me, so if this mythical rod for your own back actually does exist mine is going to be MASSIVE :lol: The fact that dd1 has self-settled and slept through for a year now (since she was 6 months old) suggests otherwise though.

    Sounds like you're doing marvellously if you ask me! image
  • Thanks everyone.

    I know I need to stop listening to other people telling me how to look after my baby, I always just assume they somehow magically know better than me!
  • Ah but no one knows how to look after your baby better than you!

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