Why do I feel like this? HELP!

ccbmommy · Jun 30, 2008 7:28AM

Feel a little embarressed typing this but I know you ladies wont judge and hope you don't think I'm stupid.

Basically Charlotte is quite a good baby (touch wood) but sometimes when we put her down in her cot at night she cries before sleeping. Sometimes she straight out (like Saturday), but last night it was an hour and quarter before she went off. Not sure what it was - she felt a bit warm so took her out of sleeping bag so just in romper, winded her (she had some trapped wind(, then fed her bit more milk, then she eventually dropped off. I think she exhausted herself. Now I know that itself is not a problem as she is a baby and we all have troubles when putting lo's to bed - most of you will think what the hell am I moaning about...?

Well the problem is when she cries at night before sleeping in her cot I simply can't handle it!
For some reason if she carries on I feel sick and hot & sweaty, almost like I'm panicking. It's ok when oh here as he helps but in the week he's away 2 to 3 nights so I do everything alone then. I think the problem may stem from when she was a newborn. For the first 6 to 8 weeks she was a nightmare at night. During the day was fine, sleep & feed etc etc but as soon as we took her upstairs all hell broke loose and we would only get about 3 hours sleep cos she screamed all night long!! So I think I might be getting scared when she cries cos I think she wont sleep..? I'm fine when she cries in the day. Oh has told me to see gp or speak to hv but I feel really stupid about it. I've even wondered if I have some form of pnd as I don't think this is normal, but most of the time I feel ok. Me & oh have had a bit of rough time recently, mainly me adjusting to lo but we sorted most things out on Friday night.

I just feel a bit useless and a failure as a mum cos I can't cope with this. I hope she's ok tonight & tomorrow, oh should be back on Wednesday. I've just put her down for nap in cot and she's gone out like a light so I know it's not her cot she doesn't like! I really want another baby at some point but if I can't cope with this how can I cope with toddler & baby?

jewsora · Jun 30, 2008 5:32AM

Hi ccbmommy,

I think it is normal to some degree actually - I'm the same when Ellen cries (particularly at settling for the night time!) It really stresses me and I can't concentrate on other things. Last night OH was trying to discuss something with me but I couldn't focus on what he was saying just the baby crying. I don't think men feel the same. I think it is some sort of programming in us to make sure we go and see to them.

I know how you feel and I've worried about it just like you. I'm sure things will improve.

Rachael

hayls-49296 · Jun 30, 2008 5:41AM

x

[Modified by: hayls on June 30, 2008 10:43 AM]

hayls-49296 · Jun 30, 2008 5:41AM

I really feel for you, please don't question whether you're a good mum, of course you are. You love your baby and want what's best for her; you also recognise that you're not feeling 100%. My dd didn't start sleeping thru the night till she was 7mths, (that was after 2mths of up every hr) I was frazzled, and when I heard her I thought oh god, not again. Sleep is important to everyone, not just babies, only diff is we don't cry when we are tired. It's them same a relaxing. I can't relax now, till I know she's asleep, but sometimes I put her down and she's happy to roll around, climb up etc (even though she's tired) so I can spend and hour or more going in there tucking her in etc, so I can't relax. And sometimes I do think how long is this going to go on for. Doesn't mean I love her any less, it just means I want her to have the sleep she needs. My oh isn't away at all, but when he does a late 9am-10pm, I do think, hmmm I've got her all day and all night to myself, it's going to be a long day. Not that my oh does much with her (only the best bits) but it's always nice to have someone to share things with, for me it's nice to go to the loo on my own, or make a drink without looking over my shoulder. You also need to recognise when you need time for yourself and you and your partner. Me and the oh only go out when I feel things are critical. But sometimes my mum will come over in the day and take my lo out for an hour or so, so I can rest (although I clean, can't rest when there's cleaning to be done). But its hard being a mum, I've tried to explain to my oh when he finishes work he can switch off, I'm constantly switched on 24/7, you have to be. He can leave his work behind I can't (not that I'd want to, but the responsibility is always there). Sorry if I've gone on, just want you to see you're not alone, I did feel guilty till I talked to my mum. Now I feel like a normal, worn out mum lol. Who has a lo they adore, but can see it's good to have some me time to. Is it possible for you to have a break for an hour or 2?
x x

Hollys_mummy · Jun 30, 2008 5:44AM

Huge hugs!! I agree that its normal and Im sure it'll get better sometimes when Holly is over tired shes just a nightmare and crys and crys and crys till she goes to sleep and I get all flustered and stressed out about it.
You are deffo not a failure!! Maybe its worth mentioing it to a hv or gp just so they can reassure you that its normal and it might help you feel better to talk about it.
Amy xxx

ollier2001 · Jun 30, 2008 6:19AM

dont forget by the end of the day you are bloody tired too!! it's the time when you should be able to wind down, and have a bit of you time, and because she is crying, you cant. you're probably wondering will you have to go in to her- even if it is only subconsciously!

you are not in any way a bad mum! she knows you love her, and you do everything else for her, so dont even think that.

when i had my first, my husband was working 6 days a week, would leave the house at 7.45, and come home at 7.30. he'd walk in the door, i'd hand him Oliver, then go and lock myself in the kitchen, where i would do whatever i wanted, because it meant i had a break! at the time i was convinced i had PND, but it was only when i really thought about it, it was because i was exhausted!

getting used to someone so small ruling your life for a while is hard work, but you do need a break.

i know your oh works away, but would it be poss if one or two nights, you called round at your friends at bed time?, or on the nights he is away, your friends called round to you?. sometimes just having someone there - even if they dont do anything, makes a world of difference, and eventually, you wont need them to come round.

ccbmommy · Jun 30, 2008 6:27AM

Thanks for your replies - been in tears reading them!

My sister comes round to see me, although she brings in tow her 2 lo's (1 & 3) so it can get a bit hectic. It's a bit hard to see my 2 best friends as one lives about 150 miles away and the other one, well, she is desperate for a baby and I think she finds it hard coming to see me now! My mum died when I was 18 so I also haven't got her to help me and the in-laws live about 2 hours away!! So sometimes I do feel a little isolated which I'm sure does not help me.
Another friend is taking some time off work soon so she has asked to come & spend time with me & Charlotte so that's something to look forward to.

I'm sure this will pass (I'm hoping anyway)!

ollier2001 · Jun 30, 2008 6:30AM

oh bugger!
we didnt want to make you cry!!

you are pretty much on your own at night, aren't you! what area do you live in?

ccbmommy · Jun 30, 2008 6:33AM

I was crying because you made me feel better and not alone
xx

I live in Nottingham area

hayls-49296 · Jun 30, 2008 6:42AM

I think we all agree, that even if we can't help by being there with you, we can be here with you, sorry if that sounds cheesey, but I know how sad feeling alone can make you x x

Star11 · Jun 30, 2008 7:02AM

I get the same, lo is now 6.5 months so i'm not as bad now but i was... we had a nightmare 5 months really lo never slept awake 14 hours a time in day without shutting eyes once, then come night i would dred it and get that nervous feelinga nd feel sick and too would get all hot and bothered... i really do think its a mummy thing and the cry of our own baby is supposed to make us feel like that or we wouldn't go to the and help them like we do...its supposed to pull at our heart strings!!!

what helped me was having a set bedtime the same every single night, if he didn't settle did the same every night - so feed little milk, bath, in sleepsuit and sleeping bag, night bottle, place in cot, put dummy in, wind up toy and leave room, would come downstairs and wash bottles and he would cry his little eyes out then id go back in if he was beside himself i pat his bum but don't speak or anything put dummy in and leave, may have to do this a number of times but then he drifts off!!! i still do this now ebvery night and the same for naps - and he cries every time!!!

when im on my own i do get nervous and panicy as i think you thing there never going to go off and then every noise you here you think oh no there waking..............

try doing what i do even in the day to begin with as like you aid things arent as bad in day then when you know she'll settle tackle night times!!! if she wakes in night do the same, do not pick up, just go in dummy walk out!!!!!!!!!!

i thought it would be cruel leaving to cry but a sleep speiacilst advised me from the docs as she said they need time to wind down on there own and also learn to drift off in ther cot on own!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ccbmommy · Jun 30, 2008 7:08AM

When she does cry in cot I don't pick her up do what you do Star11 as don't want to make rod for my own back if you know what I mean! Had to pick her up last night as her cry was so shrill it didn't sound normal and she did burp a lot so it may have been trapped wind. My oh wants us to do controlled crying but I don't think I could do this as I can't bear to hear her cry and I don't think I have the willpower either!
Strange though cos put her in cot this morning and she went straight to sleep for her nap - no noise or anything!! Babies eh.....?!

ollier2001 · Jun 30, 2008 7:28AM

i know some areas have types of support groups where you can ring each other at various times for support - they are run by mums, and it other mums you speak with - a bit like breast feeding ones. i dont know Nottingham, tho' -sorry, and i dont know what is available down there - your HV or GP should do tho'!

on the other hand, you always know us lot are here too!!
xxxxxx

Why do I feel like this? HELP!

Replies

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content