Please help - Legal advice

There has been a huge riff between me and OH and his family, her friends were sending me abusive messages and well "bullying" me. So until she apologised we said she had to stay away, but she is the type of women that everything has to be her way (just to sum things up, i know you can only take my word for it)

Anyway we have found out she has been to the solicitor and the law is apparently on her side, and is just a waiting game until we hear from her solicitor.

Im so frustrated - everyone keeps telling me there is nothing she can do so why is she saying this? And what mother does that to her OWN son!!! I have read she would have to prove we are bad parents but then i wouldnt put that past her. But what about all the families that move abroad surely you cant apply for visitation rights cause of that?

I really cannot cope with this anymore, we are moving and my mum said we can ignore any letter sent to us, and thats probably why she thinks she has the law on her side cause they said they will send us a letter, and well once we move she wont know our address anyway.

Just dont know what to do anymore image

Posts

  • What an awful woman! So sorry to hear you are being put through this. I don't have any legal advice but if I were in your situation I would go to my health visitor and discuss it with them (get them to make a note of it so that you had it for your recordas in the unlikely event anything came of MILs actions). I would then just concentrate on being a great mummy and stuff her!
    You are clearly not a bad mum so she can't make out you are. Life is too short to bother with people like this. Concentrate on the happiness of your little family. Good luck xxx
  • Hi Jadeb5.

    Is the gist - your oh mum got her friend to send abusive texts, you told her to stay away , she sought legal advice and is now saying she has a right to legal access to lo?

    If so I would remind her of the harrassment she has carried out towards yourself. Ipresume there was morethan one occassion she has done this?

    It is never easy in these situations but there is no such thing as grandparents rights. ( many solicitors would argue otherwise but the law will always favour the parents except where there is risk/ harm/ neglect involved). She would have to prove the lo was at risk from either yourselves or surroundings or being neglected.

    I would have a long talk with oh and decide a course of action. Keep a log of every occassion she has either sent or has got her friends to send abuusive / bullying texts and dont delete them from your phone. You can report this in its self to the police. But clearly once this is done there is no going back. Alternatively you can try and reason with her again. How soon are you moving? Is OH happy to sever all contact.

    Personally after her saying she has sought legal advice for me that would be it- no more contact.

    Its a very tricky situation, would advise contact Cit advice as they should be able to give you the law in full detail xx
  • Cant beleive she's still trying this Hun! I hate her so much and I've never even met her!!

    Hope your ok sweetie xxxxxx
  • Hi Huni
    Sorry you're going through this. I've found some legal info online which might be helpful:

    http://www.separateddads.co.uk/paternal-grandparents-rights.html

    Basically says that she won't have any right xx
  • OMG change a few of the details and that could have been me writing your post!!

    I have had months and months of c**p from my OHs family, and OH to be honest!! Them saying they were going to contact sols and take me to court for access to my daughter, ohs mum telling me im abnormal and ohs father saying he is sure i have a mental illness!!

    I have been to a very good family-specialised solicitor who has confirmed that Grandparents haveno legal rights in the eyes of the law. If they wanted to apply for a contact order, they have a number of hurdles to get over before they are even allowed to put in an application, which would then have to go through a court process anyway.

    First steps would be that they have to apply to the court for leave to apply for a contact order. This basically means they have to have a judges permission to even submit an application for a contact order. To apply for leave, they have to prove that they have a substantial, meaningful relationship with your LO and that not having contact with them would be detrimental to your little ones life. This in itself is very hard to prove as the meaningful relationships in a childs life are predominantely those with the childs own parents. It may not sound like a big hurdle but it really really is and according to the solicitors i spoke to, it is rare for anyone to get past this stage.

    Should by some miracle they pass this stage, the judge normally requires there to be a number of mediation meetings between the childs parents and the persons seeking the order. Any further stages are determined by the outcome of this mediation. However even if no contact is agreed at this stage, it does not mean leave to apply will be granted.

    Again, if by some odd chance (and i really cant see that it would) they are allowed to apply, they then have the whole application and decision process to go through. You are in a very good position in that OH is on your side. I am not so lucky even though my oh knows he has done VERY wrong by me and LO, he still thinks that everything his parents have done should just be forgotten and forgiven - not a chance boyo!!

    They cannot stop you moving and you do not have to tell them where you are going. I once mentioned to my oh that his parents would have even more issues if we moved abroad so instead of fighting, they should just feel lucky that they have seen LO at all and just accept the situation. They found out and said they would try to stop us taking her!!! These people live on another planet!!

    Try not to let them get to you, I know just how hard it is to stop it getting to you though as just to avoid my OH parents I have stopped going certain places to make sure I never bump into them. They can make threats all they like but that will only go against them if and when they decide to go try and apply for contact.

    [Modified by: JennyLG on July 22, 2010 11:48 AM]

  • hello!just crashing from ttc to let you know that grandparents have no legal rights unless they can prove any kind of mental problem that would put your child at risk (which obv they cant!)the letter from the solicitor would have cost her a pretty penny to get sent out but basically has no ground to stand on, hope it all gets resolved asap xxx
  • Hi,

    I have had a similar situation, with my MIL, and I just knew that she would approach solicitors if I said that I did not want her involvement in mine and my babies life. I could go on and on about this woman, but basically, she is a judgemental person who put her own children through hell and back and I'm not prepared to have that kind of influence in my own child's life.

    Anyway so before I approached the subject with her, I spoke to a solicitor and found out that because our baby is not yet born, and she has not formed a relationship with our child then she has NO rights whatsoever to be involved in our child's life/upbringing.

    Now I'm not sure how old your child is but if you can prove that this woman has had a detrimental effect on your health and lifestyle then there is no way she would have any access. You need to make sure you speak to hv/doctors etc and keep note of all texts, communication received by her. If she does then try to take it further then you will have all the evidence needed to prevent access.

    I find it so hard to understand why a family member would do this to another. Life is hard enough at times let alone having our own family members making it even harder, I though families were meant to support one another.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

    D xxx
  • Thank you so much everyone! I have been told myself that they cannot get rights, but it was just the way she said she had the law on "her side" but then again she could be saying that to scare us.

    Jenny im so sorry your going through this too, but it was great to hear you've been and seen someone yourself. I just dont understand how any mother would DREAM of putting their child through that!

    I have tried and have proof of trying to resolve things and i know some people wouldnt even do that! She is acting like a spoilt child and it all has to be her way, OH said he would go around and see her this morning, but she said it was too late and she had already been so he had his chance.. how on earth 1 day makes a difference i dont know! xxx
  • Just a note Jade - you prob have already - but keep any texts and make note of any phone calls (including dates/times) she should make to you and content of calls for evidence of harassment; even those from her so called 'friend'.
    Its hardly going to look good for her if you have a back up as to why you don't want her to have access.

    Also, it would be worth keeping a diary of any occurances too - keep it fresh in your mind should you need to go down the legal route. Least you will have it documented.

    PP84 x
  • Jadeb5, might just be me, spotting the signs but your last post seemed like you feel a bit more positive. If you ever need to bend someones ear, get in touch!!

    I'm stuck in a really messy situation because of the actions of my OH, ranging from telling lies about money, saying bills were paid that weren't, taking money from my bank account by sneaking my card out of the house, borrowing thousands of pounds from my family and not paying them back - all without me knowing, causing us to lose our home, getting parking fines in my car, whilst uninsured while i was in hospital with pre-eclampsia and HEllp syndrome then not paying them and ending with bailiffs clamping my car and my parents having to pay over ??500 to avoid them aking my car, magistrates court bailiffs turning up with arrest warrents for him because of unpaid police fines, not stepping in and saying anything when his parents have in the past been vv rude and ignorant of my feelings and wishes, including taking my daughter from my arms without asking and then not giving her back when asked. There is a WHOLE load more as well. Then has the cheek to accuse me of being unsupportive.

    One big example of how he acts is that Ihad gone out one day and my friend called to say she had run out of petrol near my house anddid i have a canister she could use. I said Id nip home and get it andmeet her with some petrol. I got a call from oh when i wasnot far from home and told him i was just on my way to house and would ring him back. I pulled up to find the inlaws parked at the end of the row of houses waiting for me!! They came over to the car as i got out and were asking to comein. I told them i was going straight back out but that while i got the stuff i needed they could go see lo in my car. FIL just stood back and saidno, MIL and SIL went over to my car and were holding lo hand until i said ihad to go. They then rang oh to tell him i had pulled up, shouted that they were not allowed near and then drove off!! He says he didnt know they had been waiting for me but it was odd for him to ring at the time he did so i really do think he did know. As you can probably guess, he still sides with his parents over thisand just about everything else. I was told by him that his father had said at one point that i wasnt welcome at their house anymore and oh aws only welcome if he was taking LO there. They are just a joke, a total joke!!

    This might make you laugh though: just an example of how what goes around comes around.....
    His dad seemed to think that even though his son had incurred the tickets on my car and that between them, they had told me they were sorted but hadnt been, that it was somehow my responsibility the bailiffs came and clamped my car and demanded full payment. Yesterday though, OH rang me (he's staying with them till we decide if we can save our marriage) to say a letter had come from the bailiffs that were here last week and they were demanding payment for ??340 for the unpaid ticket and why had i given them his address as the tickets were in my name as gotten on my car and why had i told him it had been paid when it clearly hadnt etc etc. I told him i had given them his address as he had been driving as i aws in hospital but that he had a copy of the receipt for what had been paid so he knew i was telling the truth. He put the phone down and rang me back about 20 mins later to apologise for being so offhand with me, had spoken to the bailiffs and guess what..........They had forgotten to put the persons initial or car details on the letter but it was a fine for FIL on his own car!!!! I nearly cried with laughing!! :lol::lol:
  • Yeah Jenny im feeling better knowing that she cannot do anything, i just dont understand why she would do this. He i only 4 months old!!! I have kept all proof like you said PP84 and i will not give up without a fight.

    I think she is doing it to scare us tbh but there still isnt any need.

    Jenny i bet you nearly died with laughter when his dad got that fine! I know i would of! They always say what goes around comes around!! I know you probably wont mind me saying it but they all sound so pathetic dont they! xxx
  • Jade, you hit the nail right on the head - they are exactly that -Pathetic!!

    If she does take it further, you wont have much of a fight, if any at all. Definately speak to your helth visitor and if you go to any Sure Start childrens groups/other baby groups, speak to the co-ordinators as they are the sort of people who would be contacted if she made any kind of inference of ill-treatment of your LO, not that I think she would dare.

    They make these threats to scare, which is childish and ridiculous. If they were really so set on taking the steps the say they are going to, they would go ahead and do it without giving you any "warning" to try and catch you offguard.

    One thing I found that helps is to speak to family & friends about it so that you have support on hand if she trys anything else.

    You know you're a brill mum, just as I know I am. We have happy, healthy, thriving babies and its because we are keeping these negative people out of their lives. big hugs xx
  • Exactly! I just dont get what goes on in some peoples heads!

    Roll on moving day thats all i say! She has no idea so we are moving i think she thinks were stuck so will go running. See how she gets solicitors to contact us then when she doesnt know our address or even numbers!

    Your right though we know we are good mums, and we have every right to keep anything negative people away from our happy babies! xx
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