feeling a bit sad...

....I've had to stop breastfeeding :cry:
My supply has been dwindling over the last week, and i'm pretty sure its because of the heavy bleed i've been having. (still bleeing by the way, but not quite as heavy now) My GP called back yesterday and said that the results from the 2 blood tests i had show that it was a very early m/c, or a chemical pregnancy? which in a way i'm relieved about as it means i won't have to go for a scan or a d&c or anything like that, and i won't need anti-d, but its still not nice to know that thats whats happened if you know what i mean. And now i just don't seem to be producing any milk at all. Bella won't even latch on now, she just cries whenever i try, so last night and this morning she's had bottles, some EBM and some formula. Its made me so sad, as i've had a problem like this before and overcame it by latching her on lots, expressing etc, but none of that has made any difference this time. I've just ordered some fenugreek capsules online, i'm hoping that'll help me at least be able to produce a little bit so that i can maybe feed her myself a few times a day and top up with formula for the other feeds. Thats even if i can get her to latch on again, if not i guess i'll be expressing!
Its just so sad to think she's my last ever baby and i'll never BF again! I'm also seriously not enjoying having to sterilise bottles, wash them, and all that when i've not had to do it, it just feels like unneccesary work! I think i might have to buy more bottles too as i only have 3 and clearly that won't be enough.
I'm also feeling a bit sad that i put Bella in her cot at 9pm last night, and she stayed there til 7 this morning! I put her up there (while i had a bath) thinking she'd wake up for a feed at 11 at which time i'd bring her back in with us as we have co slept since she was born. But she didnt wake up, and OH wouldnt let me go get her as he said she'd wake up when she's hungry (i know he's right!) I had the worst nights sleep because i kept waking up to go check on her, but she literally didn't even stir all night! So now OH has said its time to get her in a proper routine, bath and bed (in her own bed) the same as we do with the boys. I know that its probably the best thing to do as she's clearly ready to do it, but that does mean i won't have a little tiny baby any more! I like snuggling up in bed with her, and i like feeding on demand. You know what, i even liked waking in the night with her! (all warm and snuggly, she used to pretty much latch herself on and we'd go to sleep again all cuddled up) I savoured it all in a way that i never did with the boys because i knew i wouldnt get to do it again. And all too soon its come to an end :\(
So now the boys don't do cuddles because they are too old and too busy, and Bella seems to be going the same way!
I know full well that any normal person would love that their baby has slept through in their own bed, and all i've heard from my friends/family is that i've done so well to get to 18 weeks BF, but it doesnt feel like that to me, because i wasnt ready to stop yet!
Am i just being neurotic??
Sorry for the long ramble (again!) but i didnt really know who else to offload to! xxx


  • no your not being neurotic it's all big steps for a tiny lo and it must be all the harder for the fact it wasn't your choice (so to speak) and you know it is your last lo. All these steps are hard cos you are waving bye to the tiny lo but you are saying hello and starting lots of new and exciting steps and stages with her.

    Hugs and I hope you feel better soon!

    You have done BRILLIANTLY to get this far as you well know! image As for washing/sterlising bottles we had all that to do with Max for his gaviscon even tho I was bf-ing I always felt cheated aboutt hat :lol:
  • awww thanks hunny, Its so weird, i guess with the boys i was always thinking about what they should be doing next, encouraging all the milestones, and in a way i still am with Luca because obviously he needs a little extra help to reach them. I've not done any of that with Bella because i've realised that it doen't matter. So (it seems) just to spite me she's reaching them with lightning speed!!
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