Is this rude?
Nov 18, 2008 8:49AM
We r goin to mil's for christmas, but she and oh smoke lots in the house, is it really rude of me to ask them to smoke outside whilst we r there? Am jst quite concerened bout the effect it will have on lo.
Any opinions appreciated
Nov 15, 2008 5:26PM
hi hun not sure id be confident enough to mention it but my mil is scary lol you could take a small air purifier they cost around 3o pounds so smoke doesnt get near baby???
Nov 15, 2008 5:28PM
I don't think it would be rude to ask them not to smoke around your lo but I do think it might be a bit rude to ask them to go outside their own house to smoke. At the end of the day you are their guest. I am sure they will understand not to smoke around your lo anyway and maybe go to a different room or something. I wouldn't like to be in that situation as it can be awkward. I have and should never experience this as no one on both sides of our family smoke.
Nov 15, 2008 5:29PM
No it's not rude at all!! Yes it may be their house but your lo shouldn't be exposed to it and if they want you there for xmas they should respect your wishes
I used to make my mum wash her hands before touching my boys, the smoke fumes just get everywhere even when they're not smoking nearby
Nov 15, 2008 5:45PM
I don't think i'll b brave enuf to mention it wil make oh do it i think! It is an awkward situation, and mayb i do sound a bit rude, but think will go with wot u said mumof2 bou 'if u want us there for xmas respect our wishes.' If they wanna smoke thats there choice but its def not fair on lo
Nov 15, 2008 6:14PM
I dont think it was rude and I would definitely say something - in fact I wouldn't even stay if they were smoking in the house!
Also something my health visitor pointed out was that after smoking you are still breathing out the carbon monoxide for 40 mins or so, so they shouldn't hold the baby for an hour after smoking. I stuck to this rule with my husband and banned him from holding baby or coming to bed etc for atleast an hour!!! He never smokes around the kids - always outside, but as an ex smoker I find he stinks and happily remind him of this on a daily basis LOL
Nov 16, 2008 4:32AM
I would take the easy way out and ask oh to ask them. I wouldnt ask much of my pil's but can talk totally openly to my mum so would expect him to deal with his!
When I lived at home my mum smoked and she would go into the kitchen when Lauren was around. This could work as being Xmas day they will prob be in there cooking most the time anyway.
Nov 16, 2008 2:29PM
No I dont think it's selfish at all, I certainly would ask anyone to smoke away from our children. To be honest (and please dont take offence) but I actually think it would be quite selfish of them to smoke in the house.
Nov 16, 2008 3:18PM
Ooh, that is tricky.... on the one hand it's their house and they have every right to do what they like in it but on the other I think it would be unfair of them to expose your little one to their smoke.
Would your other half be able to have a word, as it's his mother and presumably he shares your concerns?
I think if it were me I'd find it very awkward, but I'd have to have a quiet word explaining that you're unhappy about LO passive smoking so unless they're happy to smoke outside you won't be able to stay for Christmas. As long as you approach it in the right way and make an effort to avoid sounding like you're laying down the law (and assuming they're reasonable people?) then they ought to understand.
Nov 16, 2008 5:06PM
i told my hubby to mention it to his parents,they are both heavy smokers and i dnt want it around Lennon,i stopped myself when i was pregnant to protect my son so i wouldnt expect to sit him in a room where there are 2 people smoking,they do go outside but they smoke before we come ,like right up until we open the door so that pisses me off a bit but i prseume they understand why we asked for them not to smoke infront of him
we took him to a party once and somebody was smoking in the kitchen,they next day he had a bad cough,maybe a coincidence but i dnt think so
i'm sure they will understand if you ask politely,or ask your other half to lol,thats my easy option out lol
Nov 16, 2008 5:31PM
Hi ya i was in exactly the same situation as you. I gave up smoking when i was 6 weeks pregnant and didnt want anybody smoking around my baby and still wont now shes 15 months. Personally i dont agree with smoking around a baby as they have no say whether they can or cant be in the room and there little lungs are so small. My OH's parents smoke alot and he told them that WE didnt want anybody smoking around her and they never have and i would go Nuts if they did. I dont think its rude its just not good for your health let alone a baby's. Make sure you say something if you feel strongly about it dont worry about upsetting anyone x
Nov 16, 2008 5:42PM
I never have the guts to ask. But i do move lo away from people who smoke. In your case i would most def get hubby to do the dirty work!! Good luck x
Nov 16, 2008 6:00PM
I think its rude to smoke in front of a child and that's that. Everyone knows passive smoking is as bad as smoking so you shouldnt even ask , they should jest know not to do it. Anyway I asked my mil not to smoke in front of Soph and she totally understood, shes a nice preson though. But even if she was a real bitch from hell I would still do the same.
Nov 16, 2008 6:31PM
Definately say something, i have refused to take my son places that i know will be smoky, if they are funny about it then they don't deserve their grandchild for christmas day!
Passive smoking can be very harmful, you are only looking after your child so even if they think its rude who cares hun!!
Good luck xxx
Nov 17, 2008 9:46AM
I'm so glad so many ppl think its not bein rude! Am gonna get oh to have a word
Nov 17, 2008 10:49AM
If its my nan & Grandad they know I dont have smoke around my kids full stop. and would put it out and open the windows till its cleared - bless em.
If I was in ur situ I would definately say something maybe asking them not to smoke in their own house is a bit awkward but certainly not rude. Could they smoke in another room with the door shut and window open? eg - kitchen? or designate a bedroom for the evening?
I smoke, so does OH but we both go outside - even in the rain as we dont want smoke to come into contact with the kids or my washing ect. I hate it when you can smell smoke on kids clothes - its awful. I wash my hands after iv had a fag and I wear a coat to go outside in and take it off when I come in.
Nov 18, 2008 7:22AM
If my PIL's smoked then I don't know if I'd have even married my OH let alone have our LO in the same house as a smoker!
I really can't abide smoking/smokers & have rarely come across a selfless one, most just care about feeding their addiction!
I am a very upfront person (if you hadn't already gathered!
) & my inlaws know that I don't mince my words - why lie to someone?!
I just don't go to peoples houses if they smoke in them - for myself as well as my LO, I had a friend who smoked outside the back door but that still made me feel sick (as the smoke blew in) so I stopped going around & would only meet at smoke free places...when she came to visit LO when newborn her buggy stank our house out when it was in the hall & she only held LO for 10 mins & I had to change his clothes when she left as he then stank of fags!
I wouldn't spend Christmas there, I don't even like Christmas at my inlaws who don't smoke as when my OH's dad & brothers are altogether, without fail, they have a farting competition & I told my OH there was no way I was sitting in their lounge with my LO & soon a newborn being engulfed in a cloud of farts - they are soooooooo common!
;\) what is it with men?!
FYI, my sister smokes & she gets shut outside & stands shivering at the lounge window with us laughing at her freezing for her habit! (she lives abroad so mainly only comes over for Christmas when the weather is always cold!)
my mum makes her leave her coat in the garage as well so it doesn't stink the house out!
Nov 18, 2008 7:44AM
defiantly tell them! when my mil wanted us to stay they didnt smoke in the living room or upstairs for a week before we came to air the place out, they smoked downstairs (3 floored house) in the study where brooke never went so didnt matter! they still dont smoke upstairs now coz they liked how fresh it felt! so yeah ask them! x
Nov 18, 2008 8:41AM
I don't consider it rude. I would do the same thing. Ask in advance so if you get any repuccations(sp?) they can be sorted before hand and if they say no you can re organise your xmas. What does or oh say/ think about this??
Kerry, Freya and Bump
X X X
Nov 18, 2008 8:49AM
I haven't spoken to oh yet been puttin it off a little, jst wanted to check with other ppl that i wasn't bein unreasonable and now i know i'm not will talk to him soon! Thanks ladies
Apr 24, 2019 7:13AM
How many DPO did you get a BFP????
Hi ladies, How early did you all get a positive test? The 2ww is so hard 😂 however I've had lots of belly cramps 4/5 DPO so hoping this could be a sign!
Apr 18, 2019 3:21PM
Take the MadeForMums Big Parenting Survey: you could win a fabulous family holiday in Croatia!
Hello! We want to find out how it feels to be pregnant and a new parent and how that may have changed over the past 10 years. We’d love to hear from parents-to-be and mums and dads, so please come and take our Big Parenting Survey, and as a thank you for entering, you’ll be entered into a prize draw to win a family holiday in Croatia for a week. Find the survey here and please do pop back and post on this thread when you’ve completed it! Good luck!