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O/T OH rant. what would you do?
Basically, whenever my OH has a night out with his mates, i ask that he remains in contact, and by that i just mean checks hs mobile every half hour or so for messages/missed calls, and if i do text him, to give me a little text back. I never bug or bother him, just occasioanlly send him a message asking if he's having a good time. I get very anxious when he's out or when i'm home alone, and this line of contact puts my mind at rest and i can relax about it.
He doesnt go out often, maybe once every 2-3months. But pretty much since evie came alone 18months ago he's only managed to do this for me ONCE. Each time i've sent him a text, no reply. an hour or so later ive tried calling him, either answer phone for he doesnt pick up. And i basically dont hear from him at all until he shows up at home the next morning after staying at his mums. He's having a ball and i'm at home worrying that something will happen with evie, or that he's hurt or something (yes im very paranoid).
He always apologises, grovels etc until eventually theres nothing left to do but forgive him, and he promises not to do it again.
We also have an agreement that he lets me know whether he's coming home on the train (last train about 11.30) or taxi which would be 3am ish, or staying out all night. There have been times he's told me he'll be home at 11/12pm, only to roll in at 3am not understanding why ive been pacing the floor worried out my skull.
Last night he went out for the first time in a few months, i helped him choose his fancy dress stuff (lads dressing as golfers) during the day, packed him off told him to have a fab night, he was staying over at his mums. great. Heard from him at 8.45pm when i was telling him i felt unwell, had a funny icky tummy and felt sick. Then nothing. Tried calling him about 10.30, no answer, 1am, no answer, 3am, no answer.
7am i rang him and got the usual apology and grovel. and he grovelled all the way to work. but WHY should i forgive him? why does he KEEP doing this to me? i know i may be a little bit odd needing this contact but surely i'm not asking too much of him? i dunno, maybe it's needy of me? But i really do always think the worst of situations and he knows this about me, and knows how much a little text can help relax me for a good nights sleep.
I'm SO upset that he's let me down again. He obviously never learns from this and i'm not prepared to drop it because it's important to me. surely he should respect this? am i silly? i'm so gutted that my hubby would knowingly worry and upset me.
what would you do????![:\](https://forum.madeformums.com/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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He doesnt go out often, maybe once every 2-3months. But pretty much since evie came alone 18months ago he's only managed to do this for me ONCE. Each time i've sent him a text, no reply. an hour or so later ive tried calling him, either answer phone for he doesnt pick up. And i basically dont hear from him at all until he shows up at home the next morning after staying at his mums. He's having a ball and i'm at home worrying that something will happen with evie, or that he's hurt or something (yes im very paranoid).
He always apologises, grovels etc until eventually theres nothing left to do but forgive him, and he promises not to do it again.
We also have an agreement that he lets me know whether he's coming home on the train (last train about 11.30) or taxi which would be 3am ish, or staying out all night. There have been times he's told me he'll be home at 11/12pm, only to roll in at 3am not understanding why ive been pacing the floor worried out my skull.
Last night he went out for the first time in a few months, i helped him choose his fancy dress stuff (lads dressing as golfers) during the day, packed him off told him to have a fab night, he was staying over at his mums. great. Heard from him at 8.45pm when i was telling him i felt unwell, had a funny icky tummy and felt sick. Then nothing. Tried calling him about 10.30, no answer, 1am, no answer, 3am, no answer.
7am i rang him and got the usual apology and grovel. and he grovelled all the way to work. but WHY should i forgive him? why does he KEEP doing this to me? i know i may be a little bit odd needing this contact but surely i'm not asking too much of him? i dunno, maybe it's needy of me? But i really do always think the worst of situations and he knows this about me, and knows how much a little text can help relax me for a good nights sleep.
I'm SO upset that he's let me down again. He obviously never learns from this and i'm not prepared to drop it because it's important to me. surely he should respect this? am i silly? i'm so gutted that my hubby would knowingly worry and upset me.
what would you do????
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Replies
My OH does not go out a lot but sometimes he does forget his mobile! I can be paranoid about these things but since my mum died it's how I am.
He should respect your wishes esp as you have a lo. It's horrible to think something could happen but you always need to be prepared in case something did. And in this social climate we live in (guns, knives etc - sorry if that's scared you but it's true) it's just good for him to let you know everything's ok. Esp with no contact for hours.
He doesn't sound like a bad un, just needs a little talking to lol! xx
If my husband goes out without me i make sure i'm staying with someone or invite one of my friends over so i'm not on my own.
I have to be honest i don't expect to hear from him during the evening but i know if he was going to be late he'd phone me without fail.
I know it's MUCH easier said than done but try not to dwell on all the bad things that could happen because it'll drive you mad.
That said if he knows this is how you feel he should respect that and it's really not that difficult to write a quick text every few hours is it.
I agree with ccbmommy, he's not out very night and he's very apologetic so he is aware that it's not on. Try talking to him again and tell him exactly why it's important.
Hope you manage to sort it out. x
All i can suggest is talking to him again, i hope you can both get it sorted. X
It finally gave him the kick up the arse he needed and now when he's out he'll text me if he thinks he's going to be in any later than 12 so that I can go to bed without worrying as I know the club he goes to doesn't close until 3am. He's never any later than that now and it helps me sleep better knowing where he is and that he's not lying in a gutter dead or inujured somewhere.
Hope you get things sorted xx