Favouritism of grandchildren....

Just wondering if anyone else experiences this and how they deal with it?

We have our LO who is 9 wks and BIL & wife have their LO who is 2 wks and already the 'special grandchild' has been picked and it isn't us :cry: my MIL is a knitter.... Faye has a couple of things from her but not much and her cousin has 4 cardi's and 2 hats already. I got her 2 balls of wool and 2 patterns when I was pregnant, we've recieved one piece but the not 2nd, she has used the wool I gave her to make her grandson a cardi and matching hat. She even showed us what she was knitting for HIM when we called round and it was like 'hello!! see this baby?!? she is your grandaughter!!!!'

It's stupid really to get upset but I can't help feeling hurt on Faye's behalf. We've spoken about it between us and hubby although pissed off feels we have bigger fish to fry and at the moment he can't say anything.... What if it continues and she grows up resenting her cousin for being favoured? I feel like withdrawing all contact from her atm, childish really and Faye doesn't know shes losing out on knitted hats and cardis but I am really f*cked off!!

Posts

  • Not surprised you are annoyed. I think I would be furious - especially if she'd used the wool you bought for the other baby. I'd have been tempted to just take it off her as its your wool.

    I'm afraid we don't have this problem as Cole is the only grandchild on both sides, but I think my nana favoured my cousins over me and my brother although it didn't bother me too much. I think it didn't bother me as my granny and grandpa gave us (and my other cousins) lots of equal attention. Does she get plenty of love from your parents? I think I picked up early on from my mum that she never really liked my nana so I think thats partly why I was never bothered so much.

    Could your hubby have a word at all? Or could you have a word with bil and see if they'd noticed?

  • Kelsie & Jack are my Mum and Dad's 1st grandchildren and they don't favour one or the other in the slighest. But I am 1 of 4 Grandchildren. Me, Bro who is 10, and my Uncles two which are 5 and 3 and my Nanny really favours the 5 year old over any of us even including my 2 children, her great grandchildren. Now she is starting to favour Jack to Kelsie i.e extra money at christmas and saying things to Jack like "Aren't you a gorgeous boy" and then saying Kelsie is chubby, or has fat little legs!! She's only 15 months old! :evil: I know exactly how you feel and is so upsetting! I don't see Nanny and Grandad that much fortunatly because if I did I honestly do think I would end kicking her out for her nasty comments.

    The best thing to do is to ignore it! We do, but my god its hard sometimes.

    Some (and no offence to anyone) but SOME older people to favour boys! It's certainly true in our family, and a few of my friends have the same problem. If it gets to much of a problem then maybe you should say something, my brother resents his cousins because Nanny is always shoving that bloody child down everyones throats.

    As long as you love your little princess and treat her well, which I'm sure you do, then don't worry about. Your MIL will lose out on a gorgeous grandaughter if/when it gets to bad for you to see her.

    {hugs} because I know its hard.

    xxxxxxx
  • We saw the 2nd hat being knitted and I said to hubby 'I bet....' his reply was 'lets just wait and see...' sure enough today we've seen them and hes wearing a little blue handknitted hat!

    She does get plenty of love from my parents, she sat having a cuddle on my mums knee right now. On Monday I've got mum going to the wool shop so she can have a hat of her own, will make me feel better if nothing else!! LOL.

    My MIL is crap but I didn't think she would extend her behaviour to a baby. She does nothing to help when she has her days off during the week, she wouldn't dream of coming here and helping me out or cooking extra so we can have some meals without to cook ourselves

    I just need to try and not let it bother me, hard though
  • Next time your MIL knits something say "No its ok, her favourite Nanny knitted something instead"

    Second thoughts - maybe not!

    :lol:

    xx
  • Garfield I would definately do that! My mother has always had a difficult relationship with my grandmother and as a result she clearly favours my cousins - I haven't seen her in years but when we were chldren she would make it very obvious. Although I have no relationship with her I love my cousins and would never resent them for it. There really is nothing you can do about it so if it makes you feel better to have a few digs at her then go right ahead!
  • On reflection my relationship with her isn't good whereas she thinks the sun shines out her other DIL arse, so maybe thats why? Theres no particular reason why we don't get on though. Her other DIL also lost her first baby and had a difficult pregnancy this time
  • Don't have this issue with my lo as he is the only grandchild so far but we'll wait and see. However I have experienced this myself.
    My dad is one of 4, 3 sisters. My grandparents have alIways favoured all my cousins, children of my dads sisters, over my sister and I.
    When we were little I would get a book for christmas and my cousins would get a bike or an electric keyboard.
    My dad thinks it's cos he's the boy and was supposed to be the 'man' and provide for his family etc.
    I'm older now and it really doesn't matter. But even when I gave birth my grandad sent me a card, 6wks after baby was born, that said "Congratulations Suzanne" No mention of baby's name or even of my husband. I'll bet if my cousins have a baby they will get more than a Clintons card !! S x
  • My parents and FIL are a couple of hours away, she is 25 mins up the road from us and her other son. Faye (without being mean) is hard work atm, extremely colic'y and very particular about who gives her a cuddle. Its not often she gets to hold her (because we hardly see her) and when she does she screams, so I end up spending my time in her company trying to calm our LO down.

    She is desperate to babysit, but Im not keen partly because I don't trust her. Yet this morning I happily left her with my mum whilst we went looking at a new car and then his mum rang us when we were out and OH told her she was at home with my mum - whoops!! That would have gone down well I imagine LOL
  • I know its horrible but its your MILs loss not yours or Fayes. As long as you and dh love her thats all that matters.

    I dont have this problem with my lo but my grandma and grandad had favourites. It never made me resent my cousins but it did make me closer to my mums family. Its not nice as a child but if it continues you just need to reassure her that it is nothing to do with her. My grandparents favoured my eldest cousin who is a girl, i suppose cos she is first born. They also favoured my brother. The reason for this is awful - he is the only male to carry on their surname. We have another male cousin who has the family surname but he has cystic fibrosis and wont have children so they still favoured my brother over him.
  • We have this hun and it does worry me for when Riley is older and can see it for himself. If it continues though then we will have to say something. Our niece even has her own room at PILs house! It's not very nice, and hubby finds it particularly upsetting as he cannot understand why they're like it. xxx
  • I must be full of hormones still!! I look at her and my heart breaks.... She is so innocent and happy, I want to protect her from whats going on so she is never aware of it. I can't bear the idea of her asking me why he gets 'knitted hats' from Granny and she doesn't

    God I sound like I did on my baby blue day :lol:
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