its not snobby its sensible. if your child hangs out with a child who's parents have different morals and standards, or a child you likes to break the law, that could affect your child's behaviour, then his / her life options are limited.
quote:I judge the women who don't even try to breastfeed (not the ones who tried and failed-although I'm really sorry to say a tiny bit of me wonders if some of them tried hard enough..eek)
Seriously?? i too get a bit miffed with people who dont try ....not if there is a genuine reason cos of course some people are poorly and cant but i have a friend who just wouldnt cos its her body :roll: BUT to wonder if some people try hard enough?? why would anyone try if they were not going to try their best?? mums who try and "fail"(i hate the word fail none of us fail we just dont always succeed to the full potential) feel bad enough without people percieving they may not try hard enough!!
i guess to people who have gone through all the pain, discomfort, exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed and perservered it might seems like not trying hard enough. a friend of mine said she didnt have time to breastfeed. to me thats selfish.
i went through all this with ds1 and still had to end up ff i have to also say bfing support here (ni) is non existent, ds2 is still bf but again no support only i had my friend and this site to be honest kept me at it xx
can i just say on the influence the friends they have front...when they are too little to fully understand then yes i probably would as i see that as a mothers/parents job. however...the people i was actively encouraged to properly develop friendships with as a teenager are now some of the most pathetic people i know! they go out every weekend, but CAN NOT have a good night without getting paraletic drunk, they think it's funny to get stoned and take drugs (even when they are going out in a group with children in it!) and think it's funny. they also think getting so wasted they fall asleep on park benches, sleep with each others bfs/randoms just coz etc is hysterically funny.
these really are the type of people who you are talking about actively encouraging your child to be friends with...smart, from good area, good parents with good morals and parenting styles similar to your own.
now the people who were class clowns, getting expelled, acting up, hanging out on street corners etc are the ones who have grown up to get jobs, have lovely families and raise well behaved children etc.
i know this isn't always the case of what happens but because of my own experience i think as a teenager i will do my best to trust my daughters judgement and know what is right and wrong and just hope that she makes the right decisions no matter who her friends are.
I get what the pp meant about bf, I have had a horrible time bf'ing, but sheer bloodymindedness got me through and I do sometimes make passing judgements about why someone couldn't have tried harder and gone through all the s**t I did, (only if I know the circumstances). But it made me so miserable, and at times still does and I often wonder who made the right choice, and sometimes I'm also very envious of those mothers who knew when enough was enough with bf'ing because at times I feel its made me not enjoy what should be an amazing time. God I hope that doesn't sound all holier than thou again, its not meant like that.
Grizzlechops I completely understand even though i was one of those who didnt' succeed (if I say the word fail i'll cry!). Everyday I see a lady BF it pains me that I gave up with Oliver and think maybe if I had just persevered for an extra day he may have all of a sudden decided he liked breast but then I coudl feel myself slipping away into my own little world of hatred of anything including the fact i'd had a baby and knew that if I carried on I would have ended up ill. Deep down I know that I made the right decision but it doesn't always make it easier especially when people DONT try for no apparent reason. I certainly wasn't enjoying motherhood when I was breastfeeding as apart from the pain, mastitus etc I was worrying he wasn't getting enough, couldnt' even shower as didn't have time in between feeds. Axxxxx
I can put my hands up and say, some people will judge me for not breastfeeding my first. But I was young and naive. I felt embarrassed about getting my boobs out. I felt really uncomfortable with the idea.I was 20 mind you and I personally think I was not confident within myself. But second time round I was more then happy to get my boobs out at whenever my lo needed feeding. I did only do it for a month or so, but I did it! During that time i had mastitus twice but I stuck with it.
What I am trying to say is sometimes we dont always make the best decision, but we live and learn.
As for influencing our kids, I guess I do that too. Especially as my older child is now 10. But we talk openly, and I explain to him if there is a kid I would rather he didnt play with. He is old enough to sit down and understand.
I'm sorry if I offended you, I really didn't mean to, I just wanted to be honest.. Breastfeeding is really hard work and I think calleigh summed up how I feel quite well. I know some people physically can't but those people are few and far between. I don't think I'm a better mum for it by any means as I'm sure there are other things I do which people would judge me on. Plus enough people judge me for still breastfeeding my ds at 15 months. Juniemummy I just feel that its important for a new baby to have your interaction and so to be parent facing is vital for me. In fact ds still faces me now and I get a lot of people ask when I'm going to let him 'see'! We all do things in our own way and sadly it seems to be human instinct to judge a little bit whilst we're doing it x
Replies
Seriously?? i too get a bit miffed with people who dont try ....not if there is a genuine reason cos of course some people are poorly and cant but i have a friend who just wouldnt cos its her body :roll: BUT to wonder if some people try hard enough?? why would anyone try if they were not going to try their best?? mums who try and "fail"(i hate the word fail none of us fail we just dont always succeed to the full potential) feel bad enough without people percieving they may not try hard enough!!
xxxxxxx
these really are the type of people who you are talking about actively encouraging your child to be friends with...smart, from good area, good parents with good morals and parenting styles similar to your own.
now the people who were class clowns, getting expelled, acting up, hanging out on street corners etc are the ones who have grown up to get jobs, have lovely families and raise well behaved children etc.
i know this isn't always the case of what happens but because of my own experience i think as a teenager i will do my best to trust my daughters judgement and know what is right and wrong and just hope that she makes the right decisions no matter who her friends are.
Axxxxx
But second time round I was more then happy to get my boobs out at whenever my lo needed feeding. I did only do it for a month or so, but I did it! During that time i had mastitus twice but I stuck with it.
What I am trying to say is sometimes we dont always make the best decision, but we live and learn.
As for influencing our kids, I guess I do that too. Especially as my older child is now 10. But we talk openly, and I explain to him if there is a kid I would rather he didnt play with. He is old enough to sit down and understand.
Breastfeeding is really hard work and I think calleigh summed up how I feel quite well. I know some people physically can't but those people are few and far between.
I don't think I'm a better mum for it by any means as I'm sure there are other things I do which people would judge me on. Plus enough people judge me for still breastfeeding my ds at 15 months.
Juniemummy I just feel that its important for a new baby to have your interaction and so to be parent facing is vital for me. In fact ds still faces me now and I get a lot of people ask when I'm going to let him 'see'!
We all do things in our own way and sadly it seems to be human instinct to judge a little bit whilst we're doing it x