Christening problems!

Hi all,

I was brought up catholic but haven't been to church for a few years except for weddings, christenings and funerals but always assumed my children would be christened! My OH was never christened and wasn't brought up in any particular religion so he doesn't see the need to have LO christened! I explained why I wanted a christening but OH thinks baby should be able to make their own minds up about religion when they are older!

He also stated LO might not be alowed to be chrsitened because a) I don't attend church regularly and b) my OH is not christened!

So now I'm at a loss, being christened has always been a family tradition but OH does have a point!

What do you all think?


Ps - also we don't have a lot of family between us so think it's important LO has god parents incase something happened to me and OH


  • Hi becky image

    First of all, I'm an athiest so you can probably imagine that I am not going to be chistening my lo. I agree with your oh that it's probably better in this day and age when we live in a multicultural society, to let children grow up and make their own choices. If you don't go to church regularly then you yourself and not practising a religion your bringing your child into iyswim.

    I think it may have a bearing that oh is not christened but this doesn't explain how a catholic and Muslim couple could baptise their child does that make sense?

    My other point is that it is actually a very popular misconception that the godparents look after the child of the parents pass away. This is simply not the case! A will has to be drawn to determine who looks after whom in the event of death. This was brought up before and calleigh who studied religion told me this.

    Why not meet halfway and have a naming ceremony instead?
  • i was going to say the same, it is NOT the role of a godparent to take parental responsibility for a child upon their parents death. it is the role of a godparent to help to raise the child in the Catholic Church, so they need to be practising Catholic (or at least one out of the two does!). princess i also got shot down by someone if i rememer correctly for telling you that!

    anyhoo, i disagree with letting children choose their ownfaith. i think children should be brought up with faith that they can choose to ignore later, but they should have some foundation. but that's your persoa choice as you have two opposite views already! my mum's view is what harm can a christening do (obviously ignoring religious wars etc etc)

    it shouldnt matter if you go to church regularly or not. the priest will not turn you away. go to chuch on sunday and ask the priest at the end. it also will not matter to the priest whether you oh is Catholic or not. it doesnt matter that your hubby is not christened.

  • That's useful calleigh so thanks for posting! lol. We are having lo christened in Septermber and my hubby and the godparents have all been christened but I haven't and was concerned!!! lol. Am seeing vicar over next week or two to finalise so it's a relief anyway!

    I'm not a regular church goer either - but that doesn't mean I don't believe in God x

    My parents felt that they wanted for me to make my own choice when I grew up - although to be honest I think as I was the 3rd child they just got bored and didn't get round to it!!! hmph! lol.

  • Oh becky I could have written that post myself!

    We have looked into it and I spoke to my old family church and he won't baptize my lo as we were not married in a church so techically in the eyes of the catholic church I am not married! This really annoyed me as as a catholic you are always bought up to believe that god is everywhere and hears and sees everything and also that they are now turning away a child from god because of their parents choices! We are now making enquiries into another catholic church which I have never been too as they have baptised a friends baby who is in a similar situation. Also we are getting lo christened as when we got married it was a comprise that we wouldn't have a catholic wedding as long as I could get the children christened as it means a lot to me!

    Not much help I know!!!

  • you need to shop around when it comes to prests! ours told us that not so long ago if you were marrying a non-Catholic it wouldnt be done on the main altar, but on the side altar.

    jw a civil ceremony is acting in defiance of the Church, so you could get married in Church now! omnipresence is not really an excuse lol. i know someone who was not allowed to get married in a Catholic church when he got married, as he was not supposed to get married for so many years. anyhoo, they had a civil ceremony, which has caused issues as in my line of work you need references from a priest to say you are practising Catholic, so he is now able to get married in Church so has done. fancy a second weddng?

    applepie i am not so sure it's the same with the church of england. people who i know who have had children christened in the c of e have had to be regular attenders at church (at least for the weeks building up to it!)

  • Calleigh, I know, that's what he said! Also he offered to do a quick 20min wedding ceremony for just us and two witnesses out the back!!! Hey ho, what annoys me the most is he is turning away a child of God! And the priest who took over from him and then left to go to London or somewhere would do it for us!!! Lol!! Oh the good old Catholic church and it wonders why it has a funny reputation!!!
  • Thankfully Calleigh our vicar is quite relaxed and allowed us to marry there last year and has agreed to the christening too - he's more interested in me filling in the paperwork than anything else! l ol, can't remember Jesus saying to his disciples "now lay thee down and fill in thy paperwork please and provide ten copies of evidence that thou are attached to this parish". lol (sorry not being blasphemous (sp!)!!).
  • Hi, I had dd1 christened but Lizzie wont be.
    I chose to have dd1 christened and a big part of my reason was that i always went to church with my great nan and unfortunatly she died when i was 6 months pregnant with dd1 and i wanted to do something- the right thing i think-personal choice and all.
    anyway when we discussed having baby no.2 (aka lizzie,lol) we talked about everything and we decided not to have lizzie christened and if she decideds later she would like to be then we will go with that. my 2 younger cousins took it upon themselves to be christenmed at 8 and 10 years old- no one forced them into it or made them go to church, they chose to and although yes i got dd1 christened i do sometimes feel it was a selfish thing to do as i feel i am forcing my religious belifes onto her instead of just guiding her as i should.
  • We are having DD baptised next sunday (I got told off by the priest for calling it a christening!). It is Catholic Church.

    When I rang up to discuss it with the priest the first thing he asked is where we were married (I never mentioned being married!) and when I said we had a civil ceremony the first thing he said is we need to fix our marriage first!

    We haven't done it yet (not for want of trying but the priest now keeps brushing it to one side and saying we can sort it after the baptism) and as I said the baptism is next Sunday. We spoke to the priest again today about 'fixing our marriage' and he said we could do it on a Friday evening with 2 witnesses!
    Its funny how things can differ from Catholic church to Catholic church though x
  • Hi - Toby hasn't been christened and we have no plans to do so. DH's family is quite religious (Catholic) but DH himself is not. He started refusing to go to church when he was 13 or 14 and has always resented having religion forced upon him. My family is of no religion really - not really atheist, just lazy! I chose to be baptised and confirmed when I was at high school but I am not particularly religious (don't go to church other than for weddings etc).

    I personally would have no problem with Toby being christened and would be happy to do it for his grandparents' sake, but DH is against it as he wants Toby to have the choice that he didn't have. Likewise I can't see any harm in DH's parents taking Toby to church every now and then but DH doesn't like the idea.

    On the one hand I am definitely against adults indoctrinating children but I'm not sure that christening a child and taking them to church is denying them a choice later on in life - there is no reason why they can't convert at a later stage if they really wish to be part of another religion (although admittedly this is a lot harder) so as long as you aren't forcing them to go against their will and keep an open mind when discussing religious issues with them, they are still free to make choices later when they are older. The key (imo) is to make sure they realise that not everyone believes what is said at church and that they will have to decide for themselves what they believe - ie that they have a choice, once they are old enough to understand and make that choice for themselves. This is what a lot of people don't do, and what I disagree with, not the actual christening/taking to church.

    C image
  • Hi Becky,

    Both hubby and I are catholic but we are not religious at all however both are families are, we chose to have Olivia christened at 4 weeks and you dont have to attend chapel to christen the baby, we will let Olivia decide when she is older if she wants to go to chapel etc....I would explain to hubby this is something that you want for your little girl and he doesnt have to believe in it but it is something that you believe in xxx
  • We are having DD baptised next sunday (I got told off by the priest for calling it a christening!). It is Catholic Church.

    hmm. it is a christening. the baptism is the bit with the water in the ceremony. :roll: some priests...

  • anyhoo, i disagree with letting children choose their ownfaith. i think children should be brought up with faith that they can choose to ignore later, but they should have some foundation. but that's your persoa choice as you have two opposite views already! my mum's view is what harm can a christening do (obviously ignoring religious wars etc etc)


    I totally agree, but at the end, you can just discuss it with your oh, and agree on a middle ground, you can go to church once a month, or you can not christen your lo but agree to teach her some religious basis.
    Being a non christian, i was never raised up religiously, i started my own soul search after some years i turned out much more religious than my own parents, so i dont think that you are denying your child the freedom of chossing their own religion, my oh was christened as a baby but converted later on as an adult.

    Good luck hun

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