What age is best to have a baby?
Feb 14, 2009 5:40PM
For me i wanted make sure i had done the things that i wanted to before i could spend time devoted to someone else if you know what i mean as i would worry that i would have resented having a child. I had Callum when i was 29 which for me was perfect and something clicked in me that it was the right thing to do. I had all the life experience i needed, good and bad but i can honestly say that i never feel jealous when i see people going out and stuff as i've done the clubbing the travelling etc and it now time to be a mummy. Also, i still have time to have another one!!! I do think that people have different priorities, a friend of mine has 3 kids and only ever wanted to be a mummy so she started young and is happy as larry now so that to me is the main thing, doing what makes you happy.
Feb 14, 2009 5:41PM
I don't think theres a right or best age to have a baby...
I think as long as you're in a position to love, care and provide for the baby then it doesn't matter!
I myself am only 21 and my OH is 28!! But we're very lucky to both have well paid secure jobs and our own house that even though we're so young that when we found out we were expecting it wasnt such a big worry as it could have been!
Everybody is different and everyones circumstances are different so it really depends on that although I really don't think its possible to pinpoint an exact age as being right
Feb 14, 2009 5:43PM
I was pregnant at 26 and had Kara at 27. I belive this was a perfect age for me as I was married and had my own home and was ready to settle down with a baby and we were both working.
Feb 14, 2009 5:55PM
I dont think that age is the issue. It depends on how mature, settled and comfortable with yourself a person is. I also believe that it will help to be financally OK as this baby lark is expensive.
Im an older mom (33) and believe that that age was right for me to have my son. Before this I didnt want children. Now I want more (but not yet LOL).
Feb 14, 2009 7:15PM
well i had my lo at 35 and thought it was the right age for me to get pregnant but i wish id done it years ago only so i could have loads more lol!!!! Me and oh been together for 9 years though and we have had some fab times . we now dont mind stopping in etc and are devoting our lives be it rightly or wrongly to daisy she is our world and we are loving it, no regrets really just hope time and fate is on my side for number 2 in few years time.
I really admire you tigerlilly. You are fab mummy to Gabe dont think iw as mature enough to be a mum at 19 i was a bit of a wild one at that age. Its also great that gabes grandparents are young enough to play important role in gabes life too.
Feb 14, 2009 7:24PM
I agree with what Joanne said that I dont believe there is one unniversal 'right age'. Everyone is different. I had my 1st at 25, my 2nd at 27 & my 3rd is due anyday & I'm 29 now. I know that I wasnt ready to have kids before I was 25 but that doesnt mean that noone else is ready sooner. I think the pics of the young dad at 13 are really shocking though
Feb 14, 2009 7:32PM
I was 20 when i had my first and 22 when i had my second, personally i have felt this was a good time for me to become a mum
We could cope well financially with me going back to work after mat leave but then the relationship turned sour, my ex became violent and is now in prison so paying no money therefore i am now "relying on benefits" to survive (even though i am working part time, i wouldn't be able to afford the childcare without these benefits), this is not my choice and this would have been the situation no matter what age i had been
you can't always predict what's going to happen to you, and if people waited until they could honestly "afford" a baby then no one would be having children
Feb 14, 2009 8:03PM
I agree mumof2 u could wait 4eva 4 the right time! I think financially whatever state ur in u just manage! We both have bog standard jobs, i work in a bank n oh is a porter. the baby is loved, clean, clothed, fed n cared 4. I'm 23 n oh is 26, we share a car n have only just got our own place! We might not be able 2 afford the best toys but our little girl has her mummy n daddy cuddles n thats worth all the money in the world so as long as they are happy n loved i dont think age matters x
Feb 15, 2009 4:47AM
I think every individual is different so there is no right age. I had Jonathan a few days before I was 31, but then we had been trying for a long time as I have PCOS. As for being more finacially stable when you are my age etc and having more money.... if only!!! I wish we had the money so I could stay off and look after lo but had to go back to work to pay the mortgage and bills etc. I dont think there is a right age but kids at 13...... what ever happened to childhood!!!!!
Feb 15, 2009 5:02AM
I had J at 18, Isaac at 19 (just before my 20th bday) and Tyler at 21.
I am on benifits, I was on a trial period when I fell pg with J so obv they didnt keep me on. Then I decided I wanted to be a full time mum on benifits (im grateful I had the choice) and Isaac and Tyler have followed. Now im looking to go into photography (hoping all is gonna happen this year) im about to start learning to drive and when Tyler is in nursery I will retake my GCSEs at collage and if i pass start to train in nursing. Im not lazy and believe the benifit system is there for people like me who want to be there for their babies (and actually have the choice). I have worked different jobs since the age of 14 and have paid Tax since 16.
Feb 15, 2009 5:36AM
i was 23 when i fell pg and was 24 two weeks after i had finley. it felt it was right for me, i had my own house, a stable job and was a wild 1 in my younger years and i had already stopped goin out as much and just ended up fed up when i went out. i also wanted to be a young mum. we were finacially sound until oh was made redundant in nov. that could have happen at any age though. my oh was 31 2 weeks before lo was born.xxx
Feb 15, 2009 5:53AM
fab topic.....i also dont think there is a "right" age i think we all know when we are ready ....i had jack when i was 22 and sophia 12 days ago im 25 now.....the only thing i wish is that we could of had our own house as we live in my dads 2 bed terraced and its too small but then we are finacially ok .........i do have to say (just my opinion)i dont think having a career is always the best way as i worked for a family who both have fab careers...he is a barrister she is a university admin head of dep etc etc......they earn in excess of 100k a year and live in a lovely 5 bed farm house ......but they didnt have there kids till she was in her late 30's and they now have 2 gorgeous daughters but they are always working the kids have been in full time nursery since they were 1 (eldest is 6 youngest is 5) and now there in school they go to nursery before and after and then get picked up at 5ish .....its such a long week .....i didnt want this for my children and still dont ..ok so we dont have a mortgage and we both have bog standard jobs ..oh is a grounds maintenence worker ,i work for tesco (although im a qualified nursery nurse) we only earn about 18k a year ....BUT im home for my kids i will always make sure i can take and pick jack up from school most days and we manage to go on a family holiday abroad at least once a year (something i never had as a child and my friends have never managed to do with their kids) i know we all have different things that are important to us but whats important to me is bringing my kids up not having loads and loads of money (even though it helps winning the lottery is next on my list of things to do
) and being around for them ............ok sorry im waffeling on now .......
can i also just add that our goverment is totally messed up as they offer more money to not work than they do for mums to work part time and also encourage single parent families .........if there was more of an incentive for mums to work part time i.e a bonus payment for so many hours etc then maybe more of us would but im seriously considering not going back now cos they will give us more to live on but will only pay a small amount of nursery fees for both jack and sophia ....makes sense ..NOT! this doesnt make me a scrounger just sensible
ok small rant about gordon brown over !! ...
Feb 15, 2009 6:20AM
I agree, everyone is different so there isn't a 'right' age although I do think you need to be able to be responsible and mature enough to care for a baby.
I had my first lo at 29, and am now 30 and pregnant with number 2! I went to Uni and after that worked while doing my masters, and had a senior job working in Human Resources. I gave tha up at the end of 2006 when my hubby and I decided to follow our dreams and move to Norway as we felt it was a much nicer place to settle and have a family (for us!).
I think if I had of started a family earlier I would have coped but for me I am glad I waited and saw what I was capable of career wise first. Now I am a happy stay at home mum - although I still get questions from family about whether I am going to go back to HR or if I am going to waste my education! I paid for it all myself so don't really see what it has to do with them, and I don't ever think education can be seen to be a waste. I'm not sure if I will go back into HR eventually, I would like to start my own business, but I like the fact that I am having children at a point in my life where I am ready for a change.
Living over in Norway there is much better support for families, on top of the family allowance payment you get just over ??300 a month once your child turns a year old for being a stay at home Mum. This is paid until your lo turns 3, and if you send your baby to a nursery it goes down according to how many days they are there. So for example if you send your lo to nursery two days a week the ??300 goes down to 60%. This is because the nursery is subsidised by the state to keep the costs low so that both working mums and stay at home mums get the same benefits.
I guess it makes a difference that they have such a small population out here compared to the UK so are looking to encourage people to have children. Whereas in the UK they are struggling with such a large population.
Sorry, that turned into a load of waffle lol!! xxx
Feb 15, 2009 6:39AM
I was 24 when I had Evie... We own our own house both had good jobs that pay well and we were ready for a family...
My mum had me at 40 yrs old and that was the right time for her....
So everyone is different...
I definately think that being able to provide for a baby financially was one of the priorities for us...
Feb 15, 2009 7:13AM
everybody is so very different and has different priorities so i believe it's very much personal choice. I believe if you're planning a family, you should have the basics in place, a stable relationship, a roof over your head and some sort of income. But we all know accidents happen and people get caught out - and that doesn't mean you'd be a "bad" parent.
tigerlilly my situation is very similar to yours, i was 18 when i fell pregnant and 19 when evie was born. I was engaged when i fell pregnant and got married before i had evie. My hubby has a well paid very secure job and i was working part time, we had our own flat. I was unsure about whether or not i would cope, but it's the best thing that has ever happened to me, i am not jealous of any of my friends who travel or go out clubbing every weekend, evie is my world, i love her completely and would give up anything for her! so it happened at the right age for me! x
Feb 15, 2009 9:32AM
I was 22 and my oh was 22 when i had my lo,. We own our house and doing fine financially and emotionally i have always been broody but I think it depends on the indivdual person when the best time for them to have a baby. Some ppl i know wouldn't even consider it until they are in there 30's and know my mum who settled down and had my brother when she was 19 and doesn't regret it one bit.
Each to their own
Feb 15, 2009 11:39AM
I wanted to add that I dont think money should concen people so much. Very rarely can anyone afford to have a baby and being financially stable doesnt mean you'l make a good parent.
I do believe that being a couple makes parenting easier - having been raised by a single parent and then been one myself, this time around with Nathan being a mum has felt easier having someone to share it with and its been great having two points of view, it turns out sometimes I dont know best, lol.
I also dont agree that being a full time mum means that your kids get any more from their family life than being a working mum, Again, having done both of these I believe its what you do with the time you spend with your kids rather than how much time you spend with them thats important.
Feb 15, 2009 12:18PM
I don't think money is important, in my post I just meant that I don't personally think it is right to have a child if you have no means to support it. Material possessions do not matter, it's the love and time you are willing to spend on your child that is important - I just think it is irresponsible to have a child if you can't afford it and just expect someone else to pick up the tab.
Feb 15, 2009 3:48PM
I was 23 when I had Evan and 24 (25 month after) when bubs comes and it was definatley right age for me - I had got the clubbing drinking bit out of the way me and hubby were married got a nice flat and hubby earns good enough wage to support us - the only thing I did regret was I quit work to start uni and had to give it up when I moved to London and will take it back up when the 2 of them are bigger as we dont live near anyone for support but other than that even with the sleepless nights and its every night with Evan I love him more than words and wouldnt never have him now!
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