Feel like I'm going mad!!!!PND????????

Hi ladies,need some help and advice,I've been reading the topics on PND and starting to wonder if thats what I may have.I've been feeling low since my LO was born but put it down to the worry of her having cleft lip and palate.I often sit feeling like i could cry for no reason,I didn't mean to but I started pushing my other half away from the 20 week scan when we found out bout our lil ones clefts,and as hard as i try still don't feel how i use to towards him,I know i love him and couldn't be without him but then when we together if he cuddles me i find myself shrugging him off then wondering why i did it.I feel like i'm going mad,cos all the feelings of wanting him near me and cuddling are still there but when it comes to it i tence up and won't let him.Plus i keep stressing myself out over housework being perfect,tea being on table for set time etc there's no pressure on me to do any off this just the pressure i put on myself,I can't sleep if I've not done everything before bed,which ain't helpful as when i do eventually get to sleep my LO wakes up soon after.I feel like i'm going mad in my own head as I don't talk to no one about how i feel.I've got two other children besides my new LO and a step son so need to keep everything above board for them but I'm feeling I'm letting everyone down esp my OH and children.I put a front on off everything being ok but really i just wanna break down.HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • Hi Sarah,
    My heart is breaking just readng your post and i wish i could be there to give you a big hug and tell you you are not going mad. How old is your LO? I think the first thing you should do if you can is have someone have the kids for a few hours and go somewhere with your other half and have a long talk, i don't know if you have read my other posts about PND but i was diagnosed with it before xmas and i thought i was going mad.
    Once you have sorted things out then either talk to you HV or your DR which ever one you find it easiest talking to. It sounds to me like there is something not quite right there with your hormones.
    If you are diagnosed with PND do not turn down any drugs or counselling you are offered cause they do work. Did you suffer like this with any of the others? I know your baby's cleft palate must have come across as a big shock but my friends little boy had one when he was born and it is amazing what surgery they can do these days.
    Take care and i'm here if you need to chat,
    Sam x
  • hi hun, you need to get this sorted now before it gets any worse, it sounds like pnd like edensmum says go talk to gp or hv. I feel exactly the same as you so your not alone you have alot to cope with, 3 children cant be easy and the worry of your little ones operation. Have you talked to your oh about how your feeling, i keep pushing mine away but he doesnt really listen, he just thinks im a moany bitch. I hope you get this sorted pet. keep in touch let me know how your getting on. take care. XXX
  • Hi thanks for your kind reply.My LO is 6 weeks.Her clefts don't bother me now,I think its the added worry of the ops she's going to have to go through soon at such a young age.I didn't suffer with my other two but i didn't have half the stress back when they were babies,my eldest has just started school so its the rush of getting him there in the mornings and getting everyone ready to take him,my middle is going through the terrible twos,everything is 'no' with her and spend most days feeling like i'm banging my head against a brick wall with her.My OH although he tries to help me I just get ratty with him and end up telling him to leave it cos he's not doing it right even though there's actually nothing wrong with the way he's doing it.I had my six week check with my dr yesterday,he asked if everythings ok with me and i just said yes,I feel if i just deny it and carry on everything will work out.stupid i know,but i feel a failure if i admit i'm struggling to cope.Every one always goes on telling me what a great mother and partner i am i feel i have to live up to it.Sarah.xXx
  • Hi Sarah, firstly, big virtual hug to you. You sound exactly like me! I am suffering from pnd, and do the same with my partner, and push everyone away really, and if my partner does try to help with Jake then I get frustrated cause he doesn't do it my way, but like you say the way he is doing it would be fine, and then you ask yourself afterwards why on earth you didn't just leave him to it. You have that added worry of the ops coming up and stuf, that must be really stressful for you, but I bet you are burying that down inside so it doesn't show? I might be wrong. If you haven't already, try to speak to your partner, at least he will know why you feel like you do, even if he doesn't understand. Also try to speak to a health proffesional, HV or GP and maybe get some treatment, not always pills, some GP prefer using counselling. You are not a failure. Please let us know how you get on, and whether you manage to speak to anyone, and if you need to get anyting out of your system then come on here and talk to us, we will always listen no matter what. Take care and lots of love.xxx
  • hi sarah (((((((((hugs))))))))))) I just want to echo what the rest of people have said... You've had a lot of deal with over the past months and it's sounds like it's all coming to a head. It might take every bit of courage in you to go to the gp but please please make an appointment. ask your dh to go with you if needs. once I started to deal and accept daniel's cerebral palsy I feel like I'd used every last bit of energy and have nothing left to give. unfortionatly it took me 5 months before I realised I needed a chat with my HV & GP. I don't know how dh coped with me until then! :\) You have got to try to explain to your dh too, maybe fidn some info online and email him the links? that's what I did to try and get him to understand. He still doesn't quite "get it" and makes things worse sometimes but overall he's more understanding and remembers to ask me how I'm doing every so often in stead of just "getting on with it"! take care xxx :\)
  • Well Girls,
    I had a major PND moment last night. Eden is really badly teething and so is sleeping even worse than normal and i was up with her most of the night. It came to a head about 4 am when my OH went and got her out and was rocking her and i told him he was doing it wrong! He then couldn't do anything right, right down to him slapping his chops together cause he was thirsty, i got so frustrated with him...though now i look at it in the cold light of day it was prob with myslf...that i snatched eden off him and told him to get out!
    I only get this every now and then but when i do it hits me hard and i can't stop crying!
    I too am always being told what a good mum i am but i know what you mean when you try and live up to it, please go and see someone.
    Take care,
    Samx
  • I'm so glad to know i'm not the only one feeling like this.I really thought i was going mad.I will make an appointment to see my GP,as don't get on with HV,as soon as poss.I'm hoping once LO's first op is out the way the stress load will be less.Your all such a lovely bunch.Sarah.xXx
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