My Wedding :cry: (long sorry)

god where do i start....me and OH were meant to be getting married in the summer of next year in Gibraltar, its been my dream since i went there when i was 10 and OH loved the idea cuz thats where sean connery (sp) got married...anyway...me and OH dont have A LOT of money but my nan gave us ??1000 towards it and my dad said he'd pay a lot cuz he has quite a bit of money...BUT he seemed to think that cuz he was paying he got to choose everything, he told me he wanted it in May, he wanted a different hotel, he TOLD me where i was getting my dress from and also said he and my mum would be staying for the full week (guests were coming for the weekend and then me, OH and JJ were staying for the rest of the week as our honeymoon)! also, OH's mum moaned and basically said it was a stupid idea and tried to make out that it was all my idea and OH was going along with it cuz he didnt have a say in anything (they were her exact words)...

SO...after a lot of tears i gave up on my dream and decided that i would phone a local church to ask about prices and date etc...the thing is we wanted to keep it secret as i'm really shy we only wanted a small wedding with close family because i don't think i could go through with the wedding infront of loads of people, i'd be sooo nervous and i wanna enjoy the day (hence why going abroad was a good idea cuz no1 would be able to afford to come)...but all i've had all day is lectures about how selfish i am and that it's so wrong of me not to invite my auntys and uncles etc if we're getting married locally, i don't want a fuss but i'm too much of a snob to get married in a registry office, i don't even want a proper wedding dress!

i just want to have OH's surname :cry: i feel like i don't belong to this family!

i just don't know what to do anymore :cry:

you don't have to reply to this, i just needed to get it out...OH is at work til midnight and i'm on my own x

Posts

  • my dad won't care how i feel, the same happened with JJs christening, we didn't even want a christening but he basically said if we didn't book anything he'd do it himself, i have no say in anything, he takes over everything, he's getting a radiator fitted at the bottom of my stairs that i don't even want cuz it's where i leave JJ in the pram if he's fallen asleep while we're out so i don't want him to get too warm! (we live on the top floor of a house thats been converted into 2 flats and just have a small space at the bottom of the stairs where the front door is so there's nowhere else i can leave it)! it's my flat, i pay the mortgage, i dont see why he thinks he has a say in it but i can't fall out with him, he's horrible! :cry: x
  • Hi sorry I don't have any encouraging words, but I didn't want to read and go. Weddings are sooo stressful. My parents organized mine, but I was only 21 and living at home. I did get to pick a lot of stuff but I know what you mean about your dad deciding everything and the radiator business.. you sound stressed about it are you ok? I think dads are like that though and they can seem so horrible especially when they're not listening to you.
    I say speak up and refuse everything. I know it sounds childish but I hate when people try to take over your life (parents or not) Don't put up with it. You sound so miserable babes. Really put your foot down. That's all I say really. Why don't you risk taking JJ out the pram and put him asleep in the flat. I know we hate that risk of waking them but it would save any bad feeling I guess.. :\)
  • I think that the pushy family members are one of the main reasons why I have been engaged for so long.

    I keep trying to push my OH to go on the TV program 'dont tell the bride'. LOL. He hasnt gone for it yet, so we are just gonna have to save.

    I would say have your dream wedding in Gibrultar (sp) even if its just you OH and LO. Then have a blessing and a reception when you get back. May cost a little more but our dreams for our wedding day are special.

    PS. if its just the name change you want why not just change it by deed poll until you can afford your dream wedding without family helping you out with the finances.

    Not sure what to say about the radiator in your flat. Is your dad thinking that the area is too cool for LO to be there sleeping in his pushchair, but hasnt really thought that the radiator would make it too hot? Maybe risk a chat.
  • Hi, I promised myself i wasnt going to visit be today, spend day catching up on housework but i thought id have a peek and had to reply to this.

    Firstly i am sorry that you wedding is being spoiled by other people, some may not agree but this is what i think, Its YOUR day, not anyone else and i think they are being selfish by imposing their ideas and opinions. I see that with your dad paying for it it does make it a bit more difficult, but i think your right in saying you wld rather get married here.

    I think that so often the marriage gets lost in the wedding, if that makes sense?

    I know exactly how you feel as i was in a v similar situation a few years ago. all oh and i wanted to be was husband and wife, i didnt feel the need for a big wedding, I wld rather spend the money paying of our morgage. Family had other ideas tho, i tried to take control of wedding but to no avail so in the end we eloped. it was the best decision i ever made, some people were upset but tbh those that really cared about me did eventually understand. I love being a mrs and being his wife.

    Good luck in sorting it all out i am thinking of you

    xxDBxx

  • i feel for you i didn't want a lot of ppl at my wedding either so it was just me, hubby, our older two kids his mum and two of his brothers.
    there would have been less as we were only going to have two witnesses and our kids but his mum and two brothers were in Perth for the week we had planned so decided to ask them so it was family instead of two friends.
  • I hope you can get your dream wedding sorted. Have you tried to sit down with your dad and explain that its your day and what you want? Is he paying for everything? I know someone who had some of their wedding paid by their parents and some themselves. Cos her mum was being pushy she allocated all the money to certain things and showed her mum what she had paid for and tried to make it things her mum couldnt really change.

    Also dont worry if you cant have your dream wedding cos at the end of the day all that matters is that you are married. We had a big wedding planned but one month before something happened and we couldnt go through with our big wedding. We ended up getting married in the registry office with only close family, then we went for a meal and drinks. It was a lovely day even though it wasnt what we planned. We do plan on renewing our vows in church and having a big do in a few years when we have saved up.
  • We got married in Italy and about 20 people came out with us. I did feel for the people that couldn't make it but we had a party when we came back that they came to (i got to wear my dress again!)

    It's your wedding at the end of the day, it's supposed to be YOUR special day so make the way you want it.
  • thanks for all the replies girls, i'm not even bothered about my dream wedding anymore, i've just got to the point where i just wanna be married and have OH's surname so i feel part of our family! i think we're going to end up just going off somewhere and doing it without anyone knowing, i think it's the only way, instead of trying to keep certain people happy it seems easier to upset everyone!

    Why don't you risk taking JJ out the pram and put him asleep in the flat. I know we hate that risk of waking them but it would save any bad feeling I guess.. :\)

    i used to be able to when he was tiny but now he just wakes up and he's a right grumpy bum when he gets woken up and won't go back to sleep so then he falls asleep when i give him a bottle! the only reason he wants to put this radiator in is because on the 1 occasion a week when he comes round to pick my mum up on a sat night after he's been the pub he always complains it's colder than the flat (well dur, it's right by the front door)! it's just unnecessary and it's going to cost him ??280!

    grrrrr families hey! i'm so stressed and pissed off!! x
  • It's such a shame that something you want for you, OH and JJ has turned into such a battle ground. But I went through your pain last year when I got married.
    OH and I got married last year and only invited 25 people. My extended family were apparently upset not to be invited. They never actually told me this but all my aunts and uncles told my parents they were a bit put out. But, they all still bought me gifts and were excited to see photos etc. And I have a great relationship with them all now and there are no hard feelings.
    It is hard to stay strong and stick to your guns and only invite close friends and family, but it was worth it. We had such a special day and those that did come have said how special it was and felt so honoured to be invited.
    AS for the registry office, do a bit of research and see what they are like. We did and found one in Edinburgh that was and old courthiuse building and had lovley period features and a fire in the room we were married in. It was truly lovely and not what I expected of registry offices.
    I agree it's your day and you should look back on it with a smile. Do what you want to do. S x
  • Hiya hun im the same as you I didnt want a big wedding im quite shy as well. We were originally gonna get married at Disney land Florida but my mum and dad wouldnt have been able to come so we changed it in the end we got married at gretna green in Scotland but it wasnt a registry office it was a church not very big but was beautiful. MIL was moaning about how far away it was and how much she would need for the weekend, in the end me and OH booked it and told family the date and time and left it to them if they wanted to come then they could if they didnt then it was up to them.

    We didnt have a reception in Scotland just a meal in small room that the hotel had decorated for us and my mum and dad got us a cake as well. My mum and dad also paid for the flowers, photographer for the reception back home and drinks for the reception. My grandma gave us ??1000 for decorations, disco and food for the reception also.
    We got married on the Sat went on honeymoon on the Tuesday for 2 weeks come back and we had our reception the following Saturday, it was perfect and I got to wear my dress twice.

    Have a look at the gretna website hun, its really reasonable and they do a package which is church, hotel for 2 nights, transport, photographer, wedding album wedding planner and some other things (i think) for something like ??1400.

    I will update my pics on FB later so you can see.
    xxxxxx
  • Oh hun that's such a shame. It's really bad how both your families have acted towards YOUR day (and your oh's of course)!
    Your dad should accept that it's your day to organise, same with your mil. They should not dictate what you should do. Yes your dad may be contributing a lot towards the day but he should leave all the organising to you. It's made me quite angry really reading your post, how families can be so selfish. I'm sorry if I've offended you with that comment but that's how it's come across. I hope you can have a day you enjoy whatever you do xxx
    (((hugs)))
  • seriously jenny, its yours and seans day, you do as you please, feck the family, your marrying sean not his family or yours, its your day and it has to be special to you. Mine was a small affair, 40 people then the reception was bigger.. but you and sean should agree what to do and go with it!!!
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