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My husband told me his leaving me for another woman!

Hi ladies, I don't post much, and I didn't know where to post this. i thought it might help me if I write it all down, i would really appreciate any advice/support to help get throgh this. I apologise in advance about the length of this post and i hope you can get through to the end.

I really don't know where to start..... first I'll give you a bit of background, me and husband have been together for 7 years, we have 1 boy (4yrsold) and 2 girls (2yrs old, and the baby girl is 10 months old). When we first got together he told me he wanted a big family, he wanted to fill our house with kids he said. I couldn't believe my luck because I always wanted a big family too and I was so in love with him that I wanted to start straight away. When our son was born we were both so happy and we loved our baby more than life itself, he asked me if we could start on baby number 2, because I wanted a small age gap I agreed, so two years later our beautiful daughter was born. We were glad it was a girl and that we had one of each, and I felt like I was living a fairytale. And we agreed that will have a bigger age gap for next baby and enjoy our kids.

One morning when our daughter was about three months old, his phone wouldn't stop ringing and he was in the shower, so I thought it might be an emergency and decided to pick up next time it rings, but it never did, but the person left a message on his voicemail, still thinking it might be an emergency, I listened to the message and nothing could have prepared for what I was going to hear... it was a woman and this is what she was saying ??????? Hi ____ it's me, just wanted to tell you how much I miss you, give me a call as soon as you can, It's rude to keep waiting a woman who is this hot for you. I love you, bye??????? she said it in a husky, sexy voice that I felt sick to my core, It felt my whole world was crumbling around me and that my fairytale love story was actually not so true after all. I couldn't believe the lies, the deceit and I couldn't believe that my husband could hurt me so much. As soon he came out from the shower I jumped on him and I wanted to scratch is eyes out, I was hysterical I couldn't control myself, he held me down and asked me what the hell was going on, and I told him, he listened to the message he denied knowing the woman, and he thought that somebody was trying to stir things, I couldn't believe he expected me to believe that crap and we rowed for a while, afterwards he announced he was going to work and that he couldn't talk to me right now and that we both need to calm down.... After a while I called him at work and told him that he better have somewhere to stay tonight because he's not coming back in the house and I put the phone down, he kept calling all day but I wouldn't pick up, but after a while I picked up and he was crying and begging me to believe that he didn't do it, that he was still the man who worshipped the ground I walked on, and that he swore on our kids life that he didn't do it. I weakened I decided for the sake of our kids that I would believe him. But I the back of my mind it was always there....the paranoia, the insecurities, the issue of trust it was eating away at me.

When my daughter was about 9 months old I became ill I had an infection on my cervix, and the doctor prescribed me some antibiotic and said that I might have picked it up at the hospital when I was giving birth. Anyway, it cleared after a while, but a month later I started the symptoms of pregnancy, I couldn't believe it I was on the pill how could this have happened, I poas and it was positive, and that's was when I remembered the antibiotic could interfere with the pill, I was so angry with myself how could have been so stupid?, after the rough patch we had a baby would make things worse, but then I started feeling guilty, I remembered when I had my BFPs with my other kids I jumped up and down with joy, and it wasn't fair on this baby reacting this way. That night when hubby came home I told him the news. His reaction has reaction has shocked me beyond belief, he was so angry and accused me of tricking him, and this was coming from the man who's said that he wanted a house full of kids. I was distraught kept crying day and night and I am soooo ashamed to admit that I even wished for a miscarriage to make him happy. And to this day I cry every time I look at her beautiful face and remember what I wished on her, it makes me sick to my stomach that I was such a horrible person.
He became distant, wasn't interested in the pregnancy, the kids and me, in fact he was spending as little time as possible with us. He was always running off somewhere, doing something for work....... Coming home late, even making love became just sex, on his part anyway. That's when the insecurities came rushing back I was so sure he was having an affair. So one night when I was about 26weeks I confronted him because I couldn't take it anymore it was torture. He went ballistic, he was shouting, telling me how paranoid I am and that I was my own worst enemy, he packed a bag and wanted to leave saying that he can't live with a wife who couldn't trust him. I couldn't believe what I've done.......i didn't want him to leave!!! I begged him to stay I was crying my eyes out, I loved him so much he was my whole world!!!.....i couldn't lose him. As I was unpacking everything he packed I was begging for forgiveness for doubting him. We sat down and we talked, he decided to stay, when I got up to leave I heard him say -OMG you're bleeding!!' and I looked down I saw the stains of blood on my trousers, how could I have not known I was bleeding so heavily?? I had to go to the hospital on my own coz there was no one to look after the kids, they checked me over strap the monitor on me, the midwife said -do you feel any pain?' I said no, why? She said the monitor is picking up contractions and that I might be in premature labour, but we had to wait for the doctor to confirm it and he'll explain what we going to do next. I was so scared for my baby, I kept thinking I wished this on her, it was all my fault...... The doctor came, told me they had to inject me with two sets of steroids to help baby's lungs to mature and they will try to stop the labour, when he instructed somebody to warn NSBU to be prepared for a 26 week old baby, I completely lost it, the tears were streaming down my face non stop, I was in such a daze that I don't remember much after that. The next thing I remember is; the next day the doctor telling me the good news, they managed to stop the labour, but there was no guarantee that it might happen again, but there's a chance that I might even get to full term, you can't imagine the relief I felt, this time I was crying happy tears.
He came to see at the hospital and brought me some stuff from home, when I told everything that happened, he reaction wasn't what I thought it have been, he didn't look worried or concerned as any father would, what he said next just shocked me, he ???????can you get somebody to look after the kids tomorrow because I can't take anymore time off work??????? I couldn't believe what he was saying, who's this monster??? Because is not the man I fell in love with. Doesn't he know that all of this was due to the stress that he put me through???......... I was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, I didn't have anymore energy to argue with him, so I asked him to just go and leave me alone. I called my mum who came rushing over, she helped OH to look after the kids, I didn't tell her about the problems we were having, but she sense something wasn't right with us. Oh came to see me again he tried to apologise, he said that he was terrified and he didn't know what came over him to say what he said. I was just silent, I thought it was just pathetic as far as excuses go, I needed to be stress fee for this baby to have any chance at making it to full term, so I decided I was going to ignore every little problem I have with him until I deliver this baby safely, and then we're going to have it all out.

I'm sorry, i think I'll stop writing right now as i can't see through my tears because i can't bring myself to write the next part. thank you for making it to the end, I'll carry on the rest when I'm more composed.



  • Oh sweetie i'm so sorry, if he continues ithe same in the next part of the story then he is an arse. Chin up, you can get through this xxxxxxx
  • oh honey i dont know what to say apart from u desreve better than to be treated like this by your man ,u need to be strong for your beautiful children u CAN do this ,just remember no matter how much it hurts ,in the long run your doing th ebest for yourself and your babies xxxxxx
  • Thank you so much for replies, it brought tears to my eyes, you don't know how much your replies means to me.

    Here's the next part and sorry is long:

    After a couple of days the doctors were happy to let me go home, before I left the hospital I promised my baby that I would do anything possible to make her safe.
    I went home and for the first few days me and OH were just civil to each other, we weren't talking much and I could see he wasn't putting any effort and it felt like he didn't care. I could see that I was getting stressed again, so I came up with a plan to stop been so miserable, I thought I could make our lives the way it used be, happy, fun, loving and I would try my hardest for my sake and above all for the sake of my children because they deserve to live in happy environment, and no matter what he's done I still loved him with all my heart. And for a while it worked, even though it was the hardest thing I ever done. Every morning I would wake put a smile on my face, and pretend that my life was perfect.
    We couldn't have sex because of the problems with the pregnancy, so I started asking him for a kiss, a cuddle etc, at first he was reluctant, but then he started doing without me initiating, it was a relief because I hated begging for affection.

    After a while things started getting back on track, pregnancy was going well, even though our relationship wasn't perfect, it was better than it had for a long time.
    And then one night after I woken up to go to the loo, I realised he hasn't come to bed yet, on my way to loo I heard him on the phone and straight away I could tell that he was talking to a woman, his voice was low and even though I couldn't hear what he was saying I could tell he was flirting. I felt like I was punched in the stomach and I couldn't move from the spot I was standing and I couldn't breath, he must have heard me because he ended the call and came out of his study, he asked me if I was alright, I asked him who he was talking to at 1 o'clock in the morning, he said a colleague in America because of the time difference he had to call him now and finished the sentence with -are you going to make this an issue?' I really wanted to but the only thing that was stopping me was the promise I made to my baby, I couldn't risk it again so I pretended I believed his lame lies and went to bed. And that night I kept thinking maybe it was my fault that he was having an affair, because most our time together consist of either me having morning sickness, being heavily pregnant or just given birth, and maybe I didn't give him the attention he needed from me. And maybe that's why he had to look elsewhere. Even though it was killing me to think that he might have been with another woman, I came up with another plan, I was going to be the best wife that I could. I was going to make him realise that me and the kids were the best thing that happened to him and he would be a fool to lose us.
    I stopped nagging him to get things done around the house, I stopped asking for help with the kids, I made sure the house was always spotless and I put so much effort into cooking him the best meals, basically I made sure that he had nothing to complain about and I gave him a lot of space..... I know you must be questioning my sanity because believe me so did I, any sane woman would have kicked him out or at least confronted him with what she knew. But I didn't have the strength to do it, and I loved him and our little family so much that I didn't want to lose him. I know that makes me sound weak and pathetic but I couldn't help it

    After while things started to get better, I knew he was still in touch with that woman but my brain refused to process it, it was blocking that part, I think it was some sort of self-preservation ...I wouldn't let myself think about it because it hurt too much.
    Amazingly I made it to 38 weeks, and one morning at 3 o'clock I went into labour, I waited about an hour to make sure I was in labour before waking him up, when I was sure it wasn't a false alarm I went to wake him up, his response just shocked me, he said to let him know when I was ready to go to the hospital and went back to sleep!!!! I was livid; I went back downstairs calling him all the names under the sun.
    I started to time my contractions...they seem to be coming every 4 or 5 minutes and lasting about a minute, but they weren't that painful. I started pacing around the room trying to think over way that I could physically hurt him, I even contemplated of boiling the kettle and throw the hot water at him and blame it on temporary insanity.
    Before I knew it, it was 7am and I've been in labour for 4 hrs, the contraction was now coming every 3 or 4 minutes and lasting just over a minute but still they weren't as painful as I was expecting them to be. At about 7.30am I called my mum to tell her that I was in labour and that I would me her at the hospital in an hour. And then I called my sister to ask her to come over and look after the kids. As soon as I came off the phone my waters broke and I felt the baby's head go down to the point I could feel it between my legs and I had to keep my legs apart, I screamed for OH, and he came rushing down, when he saw what was happening I could see the fear in his face... he called my mum and sister back to tell them to hurry up, he asked one of our neighbours to look after the kids until my sister get here. And he rushed me to hospital which was just 5 minutes away. On our way to the hospital I was sure I was getting the urge to push, and my contractions were on top of each other without any break in the time I was put in a room and giving gas and air it was 8.30am........imagine my surprise when the midwife examined me and told me I was 9cm dilated!!!! I couldn't believe that I didn't feel the excruciating pain that I felt when I was in labour with my other two, but then I realised that emotional pain was the best pain relief. As I started pushing my mum came in and I burst into tears, she hugged me and told me everything was going to be alright...... my gorgeous baby girl came into the world at 8.46am.
    As I looked around for OH I realised he wasn't there, I asked my mum where he was and she told me he left as soon as she came in... I could believe that he didn't want to witness the birth of his baby, he came in about 15minutes later and I was shocked that I already had the baby, I didn't want to make a scene I front of my mum and the midwife so I just ignored him.
    Because I had a straight forward birth I was given a 6 hr discharge, when I came home I kept my cool as I didn't want to spoil the special day my daughter came home with arguments. I could tell he was feeling guilty and he started to make up to me by doing everything around the house and telling not to get up and move a finger.

    When my daughter was 9 days old he hit me with a bombshell, he told me he couldn't stand the tension between us anymore and he knew I hated him for what his done, he packed his bags and told me he was leaving..... I was in bits, I was crying, begging him to stay and that whatever his has done I forgive him, I told him we could work through this and put it behind us and that I loved him so much that my life would be meaningless without him. He cried and told me he had acted so badly towards me and that he didn't deserve me or my love....anyways after a lot of crying and begging on both parts I convinced him so stay.
    I didn't tell my friends and family because if they knew what he has done they would have packed a bag for me and the kids and kidnapped me.

    For the next 10 month everything went back to normal, we had our relationship back, I had the man I first fell in love with back and I was happier than I ever been for a long time. Until a couple days ago when I came home to find his bags packed, he said that this time I won't succeed into changing his mind, that he was in love with another woman and he has been for the last two years, and that although he loves me he wasn't in love with me anymore, and he only stayed with me for the sake of the kids, but he couldn't deny his feelings for this woman any longer and he badly wanted to be with her and he wanted a divorce. As you guessed I was begging him again, but I knew I was fighting a losing battle, but at the end he left.
    I can't stop crying I know I shouldn't but I still love him and still want him back, it makes me sound pathetic and weak but I can't imagine my life without him....who would ever want me with three kids???
    He hasn't been answering my calls and texts. What the hell should I do with myself now ???

    Thanks for reading and I apologise again for the length of this post.
    Maria xxxx

  • Omg hun hugs to you, i dont know what to say but i didnt want to read and run, i feel like crying for you, he doesnt deserve you, you have to stay strong you are better off without him but you cant help how you feel can you. Try and not ring or text him and he might realise what he has lost.It feels like the end of the world right now but things do start to slowly with time feel better. Take care and if you need to talk thats what we are here for hugs again(()) vikki xx
  • ((hugs)) Please try not to waste another moment thinking of him, you have a wonderful family who you love very much and together you will get through this. I know it hurts, it takes time to grieve any relationship so it will be hard and take time.
    You deserve happiness and I promise that you will feel happy again in the future. Accept all the support you can get on the difficult journey you are about to take. You will look back on this one day and be proud you got through it (and so you should be).
    As a child of divorce I speak from experiance that everyone was happier for it in the long term. Better a broken home than a broken spirit. My mum was the cheat who left my dad. He is now happily married to a women who has 5 children (including a 6 month old girl at time they got together).
    Time is a healer, be strong for yourself and your children. You are a fantastic mum who should be proud of the sacrifices you made to protect your familes happiness at your own emotional expense. Take one day at a time and you will get there. Today is a new start, the first day of the rest of your life. Good luck xxxx
  • So sorry, you really are better off without him though no one deserves to be treated so badly.
    Try not to blame yourself, hes the one with the problem not you, its his loss.
    It wont feel like it now but things will start to feel better. You've been really strong and you will be happy again.
    Sounds like you have supportive family and friends and you can always come on here if you need to talk to someone.
    Take care
  • U are going to be fine. Youre a strong woman with three beautiful kids and when u r ready you will find someione else if u want to and u will wonder why u ever cried a tear for that stupid excuse of a man. x
  • OMG I can't believe your story. You must be in so much pain mentally. I can't believe what he has done to you.

    I don't know what advice to give. Just to say do not blame yourself. It sounds like you did everything to stay together - same as what I would have done.

    You & your kids deserve so much better than this. If he loved this woman so much why had it taken him 2 years to tell the truth. I tell you why - cos he's a coward. To let you beg him as you did and knowing what he was doing behind your back makes me soooo angry.

    I hope at some point you can move on and find the happiness you deserve, also for your children.

    Hugs xx
  • Hi ladies, first of all I would like to thank you so much for taking the time to reply, you have no idea how much it means to me, each time I read a reply it had me in tears, I can't believe how understanding and supportive you all are.

    Today was very emotionally draining for me because I finally gathered the strength to tell my parents, I didn't think that I could bring myself to tell them the whole story properly so I printed two copies of this post and sat them down and made them read all my life I don't think I ever seen my dad cry and it killed me to see tears in his eyes today, he just hugged for ages and told me everything is gonna be alright, he also said that he can't wait to get his hands on that SOB. My mum's reaction made me sadder because we're really close, she was hurt that I didn't confide in her, she said she wouldn't have pressured me into making any decision, she would have just supported emotionally. We just hugged and cried together.
    She offered to look after the kids for few days, I agreed because is not fair on the kids to see mummy cry all the time, my son even said -don't cry mummy, I'll help you' which made me cry even harder. I don't think I was any use to them anyway seeing I'm such a mess right now.

    I'm on my own in this big house itching to call him or text him again.

    Thank you again ladies,

    Maria xxx
  • oh hun, just read ur story and its very heartbreaking. u deserve so much better and u will find some1 1 day who will treat u like a princess.
    im so pleased that u now have the support from ur parents, and they know what u r goin thru. u sound like u have a great family and us girls on here will help u thru it the best we can. sending u lots of hugs. stay strong hunni. xxxxx
  • Sweetie im so sorry, you deserve a million times better than that idiot.
    When you have a clear head again you can look back on it all and see that you did everything you could to keep your family together and the blame is not with you.
    Its really good you told your parents, they will give you the support you need and help you through it.
    It sounds like you have lovely children and you dont need that waste of space to be happy.
    Please try not to call or text him, i know it must be hard but it will probably upset you more.
    Loads of hugs hunnie we are all here if you need us
  • Oh Hun. What a post! All I can say is you are an amazingly strong woman to have done what you've already done, so I know you will get through this and be better for it!

    You are obviously an amazing mum to have already done so much for your kids too keep their family together, but this maybe the best thing for them in the long term. I know from being the child its no fun seeing a loveless marriage and the fights that go with it!

    Just remember to be strong and look after yourself and those wonderful kids!

    Time will heal as well as provide you with a fabulous man who will treat you with the respect you deserve and spoil your kids rotten!
  • my goodness you have really been through a tough time, you deserve so much better.
    you sound like a lovely lady and I wish you all the best for the future with your children, I really believe time is a great healer. x x x
  • Maria

    you did bring tears in my eyes today... am really sorry about your situation... and I wont say that you are wrong in still having feelings for that person who made you go through all this... tomorrow if he comes back to you ..u might even welcome him back with open arms.... thats what a nice soul you have in you....

    Its tough to face this situation.... but just think.. you have soooo many people who support you.. you haven't been wrong thats the reason they are with you...ur friends, ur parents and of all your kids... you are even more stronger today than your husband ... how long can he leave with this guilt?

    with lots of hugs and best wishes to you
  • hey hun, well what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger right? you have been incredibly brave and strong and you will get through this. yes it will take time but you will get there. and don't think that no one else would ever want you cos that's not true. my cousin's hubbie left her with 3 kids and she's now in a very loving and committed relationship. in fact she had a few boyfriends afterwards so don't think that you will suddenly become unattractive or unwanted because you have children - it's not true.

    you have 3 beautiful children who love you to bits and a loving family and you WILL get through this.
    bug hugs
    R xx
  • Ladies I'm completely overwhelmed with your support and best wishes.
    I miss my kids soo much, I feel guilty leaving them but I know my mum & dad will take better care than I could right now, and I need to pull myself together for their sake.
    I know I shouldn't but I miss him too, I've been walking around the house in daze still not believing what actually happened....... It feels like an awful nightmare and that I will wake up and everything would be fine.
    I feel hurt that he hasn't called since he left, the state he left me in I thought he would at least check that our kids were OK.

    I keep wondering what he is doing right he with that woman touching her, kissing her, making love to her....telling her he loves her like he used to tell me? he actually missing me? he missing our children? I know I shouldn't torture myself with these thoughts but I can't help it.......well at least I did one thing right; I refrained myself for calling him or texting tonight.

    Maria xxxx
  • Well done for not calling or texting, now keep it up! I know it's impossible to stop thinking about it but go have a long soak in the bath with a book (impossible to do with the kids around) and go curl up in bed or put a cheery chickflick on and curl up on the sofa with the duvet!

    Be nice to yourself x
  • I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going though but it is so clear what a great mum you are. You've been putting your kids first for so long. Its now been taken out of your hands and I guess you have to focus on yourself at the moment. Its great you have your parents for support and that they will help out wih the kids.

    I'd definately see a solicitor over the next few days. I know it sems so final but you need to know your rights.

    You can get through this. Thinking about you xxx
  • What an absolute bast**d for treating you this way, he doesn't deserve you or your children! People do fall for other people but to live a lie for so long is totally unacceptable. Although I understand how much you love him and why you'd take him back right now.

    Don't ever think you are weak. You made a great first step yesterday in telling your parents, well done you, that can't have been easy and I'm so pleased that they are so supportive.

    I'm sorry to say this but your OH is probably not thinking about you or the children right now, he's probably enjoying being with his bit on the side after so long. But don't you worry, when the honeymoon period is over, he'll find out that the grass isn't always greener and will be back in touch.

    Be strong, do your best not to get in touch, take small steps each day and you WILL get through this. Look after yourself xx
  • Hi hon I echo all the messages of support from the other girls and also glad that you have the support of a loving family.

    My advice would be to play the clever game as far as HE is concerned. He sounds like a pretty nasty piece of work tbh, who has had his head turned by another woman who is not distracted by babies/pregnancy. (Not putting the blame on you at all - give his new girl 3 babies then see how 'in love' with her he stays!)

    Now distract yourself with practicalities - be pragmatic - take a massive deep breath (Take lots) and decide how you are going to spend the next few months. As the wife/mother you are entitled to stay in your house till the youngest child is 18 years old. Make sure you know your rights and do not allow yourself to be bullied by him. Stay strong and devote your time to ensuring everything runs smoothly for your little ones.

    9 times out of 10 when the wife starts being strong and living her life without him, he soon realises what he's missing and comes scurrying back! Who knows? By that time you may well have realised you are better off without him!

    Remember - you do not need him! You are a strong person and you will be fine.

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