Tricky marriage question?

Hi Girls

One of my really good friends asked me a question last night, It got me thinking?

She asked " If I get married will it make a difference to my baby's future? "

Now I personally didnt get married to my hubby because of my kids I did it because I loved him and wanted us to make our vows together and to celebrate our love with our family and friends.

When I was with my Ex I never wanted to get married as I thought its just a piece of paper. Once I met my now hubby my feelings changed and I couldn't think of anything I wanted more than to be his wife.

But I honestly dont know if it makes a difference to my kids. My eldest was part of our wedding day and he was so proud and loved every minute of the day. He now has the same surname as us and he loves that too.


I dont really know what to say?

I thought I would ask some of you lovely ladies your advice?

Thanks

Posts

  • I think it depends, legally speaking. I know my uncle had to marry my aunt (or at least be engaged to) otherwise anything of his when he dies would have gone to his family and not to her (regardless of him having a will written in her favour) as he had children with a different woman and not with my aunt, so it would have gone to them first...
    we were told when we wrote our wills that regardless of having them if one of us died before we were married then everything would go to the kids and not the other half as the children were next of kin (obv only Ol at that point)....

    There are all sorts of statistics that say things like children in a married household are x likely to be happier/sadder/less of this/more of that etc etc etc, so I think the real question your friend should be asking is one to herself - would it make any difference to her idea of her children future if she wasnt married?

    To me, yes it makes a difference. My marriage is so much more than just a piece of paper.

    xx
  • Yes it will, especially now as I believe they have got rid of the laws pertaining to common law spouses - I may be wrong but am sure this is right. So as Stephe says all will go to the children which depending on their age will affect them in a number of different ways.

    Also, I was incredibly teased at school because my mum had a boyfriend not a husband - kids will find anything to make fun of - and made me feel less of a family until they married.

    Of course without love and devotion, marriage really is a piece a paper so I would never suggest getting married just for the sake of the children, but I do think it's better to be brought up in one. That's just my opinion though, not based on anything but my views
  • Stephe, are you sure that is right about wills? I would be very surprised if legally declared wishes could be pre-empted in that way. I'm sure they could be challenged but I can't imagine any court would overrule a legally made will in favour of a partner in favour of children unless there was some sort of maintenance agreement which might preempt it. (Sorry - does that make any sense at all???)

    As for the question, our being married does make practical difference to our children as Peter and I both hold dual citizenship and it would have been much harder to get him registered if we hadn't already been married. But that is a particular issue. I don't think at this stage it would make any difference to Peter - it has just made life easier for us in terms of dealing with bureaucracy.
  • to children born now i dont think it make a difence to there future but to children born just 5+ years back it can, as if there parents split the father dosnt have as meany legal rights, if the mother was to then go and marry someone else the husband would have had more right to the child than its dad, but that changes about 4-5 years ago so that now dads have just as much rights with out the need to be married to the mother.

    im married to my childrens father but thats because i love him, not for any reason to do with out children,
  • I'm in queen bees camp - Me and oh aren't married and have no plans to. I want to have another baby before we even consider it. I don't think it makes any difference. I know we are going to spend the rest of our lives together and bring our lo's up in a loving home. A wedding ring and marriage certificate would not make any difference to us at all or the way we bring our lo up
  • Personally, I think in an ideal world parents should be married - I am so proud to be married to my hubby and be part of our family that shares the same name. I think it makes a child sure of their place in their family and the world.

    Obviously, I understand this is not always possible, and I do understand that some people don't want to marry for their own reasons - I am not judging that. But I do think in these cases people should make a will - as if one parent dies and they were unmarried, it can make things very complicated and difficult for the remaining parent and children.

    It makes things far more straightforward for children when parents are married - no questions about why mum's name if different etc. If the parents do end up splitting up, those whose parents were married tend to fare better aswell - married women have far more rights than unmarried mothers, for example they get to stay in the marital home until the children are 18.

    All things being equal, I think marriage is a great thing, but like someone else said not to be entered lightly.

    xx
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