How often do you visit your inlaws?

Hey ladies, my lo is 8 months old, she is our first, now most of you know that i live in Germany with my German oh, i adore him. But i dont get along well with his overpowering mom, whom i believe wanted him to marry a German.
Anyway, they live 3 hour drive from us, my husband works everyday from 7:30 a.m till 6:30 p.m and we go to bed at 8:00, so actually we dont get to have anytime with each other, he also works everyother weekend.

Since we moved to this city (actually since lo was born) they have been visiting us everyother weekend and we have been going to them everyother weekend, for 3 nights.

Please dont get me wrong, i am grateful to the fact that they love their granddaughter and their son, but i need some time with my family, one weekend per month.

so last week (2 weeks after their visit, as my oh worked the following weekend), i told my oh, no, i wont go, i want to relax and spend sometime with my family, he tried to convince me that his parents will be sad, i told him so will i. I mean for God sakes, my family dont get to see me except twice a year.
So we didnt go, we had a wonderful weekend, my husband works this wekend and the next, then the emotional exploitation begins, every day, we get the call how sad they are, how much they miss their dear little mouse, how time goes so slowyly. that it is almost a month and soon will be two months (er no, it is 3 weeks and no er, after my oh works for 2 consecutive weekends we will go to them the following weekend, which will be 5 weeks after their visit, and oh second free weekend)
Am i being mean? i dont want to separate my oh from his family, but i want mine


  • No you are def not being mean! I think its very important to spend time as a family unit with your hubby and LO. Ignore the emotional blackmail they will get used to it, and as a compromise just visit themevery second time you would have gone, and maybe send them emails with pics/ call them the 3 days you drop?
    I agree that it is wonderful they care so much, but there is a difference between caring and suffocatind and although it may seem they dont see you all much, they do compared to the time you have as a family x
  • not at all they are being very selfish when you consider you only see your family twice a year, your hubby needs to grow a pair and speak to them lol!!
  • i agree with you, you see then a LOT! i think they are being selfish and mean making you feel guilty about not seeing then constantly! i dont get on with my mil, and she lives in ireland, we live in england, and she has been coming over maybe once every 2 months, but has been living 20 min drive from us for about 4 months now (doing up a house to sell) and she still only sees lo about once a month, fil is a different story, he has only seen lo TWICE since he was born, he is now almost 11 months old, he lives half an hour away and just cant be bothered, he NEVER phones or anything!!!!!!!! i suppose its nice you in laws are interested in your lo, but it can be a bit suffercating having to spend so much time with them! with my in laws, its their choice not to see my son much, and to be honest thats fine with me, he sees my parents loads.

    ashy x
  • We see inlaws at least once a fortnight, but I like it this way as I get on well with them and they adore Dylan and them him. But also because we have plenty of family time too, if we didn't i'd be locking them out :lol: this weekend they wanted us to stay but we had plans and I really wanted some time with hubby so were going next week instead.

    Your not being unreasonable, your family time has to come first once every 5 weeks is not unreasonable at all for that distance away. Don't listen to the emotional blackmail and get your hubby to speak with them.

  • Thank you ladies so much, i think so too, they are so attached to my oh, and they call each other every single day, which is fine by me, but every two weeks, staying for 3 nights, is just too much.

    Thank you ladies for replying, lets see how it goes next month

  • Do they have a webcam? We see my in-laws as often as we can, which isn't as often as we'd like unfortunately as they live 2.5 hours' drive away from us. They understand that we have lots on and can't see them all the time, and I know they miss Jak loads, so we send them photos and videos of ds by email as often as we can, at least every weekend. We have chatted to them via Skype on the webcam once or twice, I'm trying to get them to do it a bit more often! I use Skype to chat on the webcam to my brother when he's away at uni pretty much once a day too. It's really nice, maybe that's something to consider to help appease them a bit?
    You're definitely not being unreasonable - I don't think I could manage going away with ds that often because it just disrupts him and he never sleeps as well away from home as he does in his own bed!
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