cruel to be kind?

im having a bad evening with harri today he has been reaaly good with his last 3 feeds but the 4th one was i nught mare (reflux) and now hes in a really grumpy dad says i am too quick to go to him as son as he cries, am i making a rod for my back? what does everyone else do when thier lo cries or grumbles? do you leave to cry for a while? im all in a state now so need help please girls!!!:cry:


  • I honestly think it depends on the child, my eldest could be left to cry for a minute or two ok but my younger two have a very bad temper and would get into a right state.

    I go to Reuben quite quickly when he cries ashe usually does want or need something when he cries. The best judge is you- if you know your lo is fed, clean nappy, no wind and nothing else wrong then give him a few mins- they do learn quickly and a spoilt child can be hard work but you are the best judge of what to do with your child
  • ok but i never seem to get things right with him and this bloody reflux is a nightmare! i just feel very alone (oh works alot) just as we make progress with him we take 20 steps back and im getting to the end of my tether. i know i sound like a winey cow and i know he could be alot worse. im not looking for sympathy just wanted to air my frustration as dont have any woman in my life i can talk to that have kids, only my nan and she 84 although she does try bless her...
  • I agree with kthom, it depends on your baby, my 3 year old would always have a bit of a grumble for 5 mins or so before she went to sleep but she never really cried. Isaac on the other hand would get himself into a real state so i did pick him up or go to him as soon as he cried, at the end of the day if he is crying it is probably for a reason, and if he has reflux he is probably uncomfortable. With Isaac I used to carry him round in a sling alot, even when i was making dinner or doing the hoovering because he hated being put down. As far as making a rod for your back, I think that is just a saying of our parents generation, Isaac is 13 months old now and after the initial few months where he really would cry if i didnt pick him up, he is now the most happy contented baby i could wish for and he doesnt want to be picked up all the time now.
  • I felt the same with my first baby- she would cry sooo much that it nearly drove me mad. She couldn't help it as she had bad stomach ache a lot of the time, but I felt it was my fault and I was getting it all wrong. It's good to talk about it cos I bottled it all up and ended up feeling really low.

    If you've made sure that Harri is fed, burped and clean then you could try leaving him to cry for a couple of mins and see if he calms down. It never worked with Lily, I had to pick her up all the time (I think being in pain she wanted to be close to me, even though I couldn't calm her down) and I wouldn't say she's spoilt now- she goes to sleep by herself and stays asleep all night. Only you know what's best to try.

    Don't feel bad or that it's your fault he cries, you can only do your best.

  • thanks girls, im just sooooo tired (we all no how that feels) i dont think you no what tired is until you have a
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