what do i do??

me and dh have always had seperate bank accounts as even though i trust my dh completley, the mess my mum got my dad into put me of aving a joint bank account. We'll dh's switch card was declined the other day but he wouldn't go to the bank to see what was going on. Well yesterday he got a load of letters that he left on the stairs so this morning i couldn't help but look. He's used all his overdraught (its ??4200) and some of his direct debits have been returned including his car insurance and the bank is charging him ??90 for returning the direct debits and him going over his overdraft. I can't believe he's got into so much debt i feel like it's my mum all over again, i don't know what to do, i know he'll be cross if he's knows i read his post but at the same time he needs help. I'm trying to work out if i can cut my hours back at work when i go back but i feel i should go back to work more so we have a bit more money comming in. Why is life so complicated i really don't know what to do, he got paid today so he'll have be back in his overdraft but i don't know how he's got into that much debt in the first place. but with all the charges he'll not have enough money again. And if they returned his car insurance does that mean he's not covered???


  • i'm just sick of it at them moment i get one thing sorted and another hundred problems show up. the worst thing is he works for a bank and if they get wind of it he could lose his job. I'm going to have a look see if i can find his bank statement and see what it says, i knew he was in it at th end of the month by about ??300 but not that much
  • I'd be honest with him and tell him youve seen the letters, he might not like it at first but once youve worked through it he'll feel better.

    Then sit down and dont look at how he got there but how you're both going to get out of it, set budgets for things and priority payments for others, see if you can contact people to talk about the payments and if they would let him miss one and then spread that one onto the others (we did this with the council tax last year, needed the ??150 desperately so rang them and then said we could miss that one and they added ??10 or so onto the rest of the payments we made so we still paid them... )

    Hopefully you can get something sorted out with him
  • i've just looked through his bank statement and last month he spent ??2000 and only earnt ??1300 i can't even figure out what he's spent it on besides petrol, i really wanted to go back to work less hours but it doesn't look like that's going to happen now, i really wished he'd just told me as i do have some savings for when my maternity pay drops and i could have helped him. :cry: :cry: :cry:
  • Oh no what an awkward situation for you, i agree with mummysteph and be honest with me let him know you know. Maybe you could go back working the hours you want and do extra bank shifts until things are looking a bit better, then at least the ball is in your court about when you can work. I don't know about the hospital you work in but where i work if you do a saturday night shift its good money on the bank.

    I hope things get sorted soon for you xx
  • oh how difficult for you:\(
    I would confront him and say you know and that you would like to try to help him, he might be a bit mad at first but im sure he would apreciate you trying to help him and talking things through with him.
    I hope you manage to sort it out hun
  • oh goodness - what a shock - I think you have had some great advice already! Sit down and talk is all there is you can do, sounds like a hard weekend ahead! HUGS!
  • Not much to add but we had some money taken from our account (we only have a joint one) and the car insurance bounced but I was still covered. It is worth ringing them to check as if he's done it more than once they may choose to cancel it. I'd do that now as he could be pulled over for driving without insurance and get into more trouble.

    Our rule in our house is that I take care of the money. OH checks everything he purchases with me to ensure we can afford it. Once I go back to work we'll divide it evenly again but we need to keep tight checks now we're on salary
  • Looking at it from a different angle. Maybe your oh left it on the stairs on purpose hoping you would look at the post. He probably knew he had to tell you but didnt know how to approach the subject.

    When he gets in after you've eaten sit him down and say you have seen his bills and understand why his card was declined. Say you need to set a budget and write down how much income you are getting and how much you are spending each monht. This is also one way of finding out where the money is going. Maybe he has a habit he wants to break and he knows he cant do it on his own. Try and be reasonable with him and not argue despite you are feeling angry inside. If you argue you just wont get anywhere.

    We have seperate accounts and a joint one where the working taax and child benefits go into which we also use for paying the bills. We can also access our accounts online to. Might be worth doing if not already to keep trck of your bank balances.
    My hubby says Im the housewife so the papaerwork is my job which suits me fine! My hubby has a good head for finance but he still checks with me if he wants to purchases anything.

    At least for you, you have some savings which puts you in a better situation than having nothing. You obviously were intending it to be savings. You both need to think what you want to do and agree to it too. It may mean no going out etc, but at least you know how things are financially.

    All the best and I hope he is understanding to your concerns on this amtter. x
  • ladies thank you so much for the advice, we've talked. I told him i'd seen the letters from the bank and was worried about it. He admitted he's been an idiot and buried his head in the sand not looked at bank statements for ages as he was too worried. He said he's already spoken to the insurance people and there fgoing to represent the direct debit and as long as it clears he's still covered. He said he's just going to cut out the spending use the car less, stop going out, take lunch with him to work. He said it'll be better next year wehn a loan he has finishes, his mobile contract has gone and he's paid of a bill. I've made him sign up to internet banking and i've told him i'll help as much as i can and if he needs help to ask and i'll try
    going to be a long road ahead
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