And its not even an april fools... :cry:

OHs dad lives in corfu - comes over once a year. We just simply cant afford to go over there with two kids (would cost around ??1k out of season- although there are no flights through winter - without spending money, and in season add another ??200-??300 onto that)
So they come over for one week every year (his dad and Step - mum). They stay with step mums son, which is fair enough as he is the only one with any room for them.
But last time they came we saw them for 5 minutes!!! We arranged things and rearranged things to get to see them and they always changed their plans at the last minute so we couldnt see them :cry:
Then they whinged that the grandchildren didn't know them... (my two are the only blood grandchildren FIL has, he has 2 other grandchildren through step mum, one of which works out to be my niece and I get on with very very well as she is my age :lol: )
they even organise meals out for 'the family' and dont invite us, then have a go at us for not being there! image

Now they've been over here since sunday, and go back on sunday, and we've had one fone call telling us they'd like to come round yesterday to see us all, and have pressies etc for us.... :roll:

Today - still no word from them and a no show yesterday.

OH has had enough, he's asked me to tell them if they get in touch that they clearly cant be bothered to come visit us, and that we clearly mean so little to them (or more him - his dad) so we dont want anything to do with them.
I'm not sure I feel entirely comfortable with that, esp as I know there have been major problems between OH and step mum previously, so she will take it as a great opportunity to say we're in the wrong and other such stuff..

Mark has txt them instead to tell them that he refuses to play second fiddle to step mums family, then the pub (which is where they are now :roll: ) then their friends, with us being last. He's told them not to come at all because he doesnt want to upset the children with strangers.
I kinda agree with him, and i really feel for him, it cant be nice to be almost completely ignored by your dad unless they want something.
I just dont want to fall our with my step niece about this, I dont think she needs/deserves to be caught up in it either esp as she is 15 weeks preg. :\(

I want to support my husband, but I'm not sure of the best way to do so... I feel useless that I cant make the situation any better, and I'm not sure of the right way to comfort OH?

has anyone got any advice on this please? :cry:

Thanks

xxx

Posts

  • Oh hun, it is a difficult one and I feel for you.

    My inital thought its to stand by your husband as he is obviously feeling very hurt and rejected, but to try and speak to them too. You say they are at the pub now, could you not go there descreetly and speak to his dad (not step-mum if there have been previous issues) and just let him know how you are BOTH feeling (don't put it all on OH, stand united). and that way the ball is in their court. If they still dont make the effort, its their loss. Your children don't really know them by the sounds of it, so it won't be taking anything away from their lives now, and when they are older you could explain what happened, and give them the chance to speak to your FIL themselves and judge if they want a relationship with him.

    As for step mum saying mean things and step neice getting caught up, I would ignore that completely, don't react, don't argue with step niece, just you two carry on with your relationship as it is, and if she asks you anything about any allegations, just answer them calmly and truthfully, resisting the (tempting) urge to slag SM off back to her!

    Basically, be the better person, be the grown up, and remember at the end of the day, your LO's and OH are your family, all of you together and thats what matters.

    Hope this helps!

    Families eh xx

  • My inital thought its to stand by your husband as he is obviously feeling very hurt and rejected, but to try and speak to them too. You say they are at the pub now, could you not go there descreetly and speak to his dad (not step-mum if there have been previous issues) and just let him know how you are BOTH feeling (don't put it all on OH, stand united). and that way the ball is in their court. If they still dont make the effort, its their loss. Your children don't really know them by the sounds of it, so it won't be taking anything away from their lives now, and when they are older you could explain what happened, and give them the chance to speak to your FIL themselves and judge if they want a relationship with him.

    we've already done this last year when they decided to go to the pub instead of coming to meet us as arranged. :roll: OH was in tears talking to his dad about it and his dad promised to try harder next time.
    They are both alcoholics - they cant start the day without a whiskey before their coffees. :\(

    I fully stand by and with anything my OH decides, even if he changes his mind afterwards - but I cant speak to his dad and SM - I'd not be very tactful if i did... :roll: which would probably just make things worse, I just want them to see how much they're hurting him and i'm a passionate emotional person were he's concerned. (basically I'd end up shouting and ranting at them :lol: )

    Have spoken to SN and she's agreed we're not going to fall out over anything, she says she likes me too much so I'm stuck with her image :lol:

    Just waiting for OH to get home for his lunch then I can give him a big hug.


    Thanks ladies image

    xx
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