Need a good excuse....HELP!

Apologies in advance if this turns into a long post!
For the past month or so my sil has been looking after lo at our house while I work 3 days a week but only part time as she can only do 9.30am-3.30pm. Anyway shes not ideal by any means but it was a quick solution to a problem when we asked her. We later realised we were paying her way too much (??6ph) as all she does is sit with him and play and not do much else, then considering he is asleep for 21/2 hrs of that time too, we even had to ask her if she didn't mind rinsing his lunch bowl and put it in the dishwasher rack when he'd been fed!! Anyway we decided I should go back to work longer so wanted 4 full days a week which she can't do so started looking for other childcare. We looked into the nursery side of things but decided against it in the end for one reason & another then thought of looking at chilminders, well as soon as my sil heard this she phoned that night to say she is more than willing to do the childminding at hers. Now I'm not trying to be bitchy or anything but the honest truth is I would rather boil my own head and stick hot pokers in my eyes than let him go there! They have 2 boys who they have basically had no discapline...EVER. The house by all accounts is a warzone and I just don't trust that things would be done properly. Apparently they have an open house to every kid in a 20 mile radius. It sounds like I am making them out to be awful but they themselves are nice enough and I know they love our lo but it really really would be the last place on earth I would let him go to.
As it happened the day after she phoned we went to see a childminder who is soooo lovely with 15yrs experience, she ticked every box so we said yes there and then. He doesn't start till July so we have told sil that we are going to leave all as is for now then tell her nearer the time. Problem now is what the hell do we say?? I know most will say just be honest but seriously these people take major offence to anything. How do we say he is going to start with a childminder when they are so desperate to do it. (They really need the money).

I could really do with a good excuse that isn't going to offend them in any way. Any ideas???


  • I'm presuming she isn't a registered childminder? Just tell her that either you or your oh can claim childcare vouchers from work but you can only use them for registered childcare (that bit is true). She can't take offense that way as it would mean letting her look after him would cost you more.
  • yes i was just gonna suggest that! ide go with that! xxx
  • Thanks bedhead, thing is we work for ourselves. Not sure if we can come up with anything similar?
  • say that child care is tax deductible! whicch it may be for all know! xxx
  • There is some legal complication about paying relatives to look after your children any way, you aren't supposed to recieve any money for looking after children unless you are registered but I don't know the details. Could you tell her that the payments will show on your company accounts and she will have to register as a child minder in order to avoid getting done for tax evasion? Think I must have my sneaky head on tonight lol
  • ooo thats a good one! xx
  • Yeah, you can't get child tax credits if not paying a reg c/m. Not sure if that's the same for you if s/emp?
    ??6/hour too!!! My c/m's been doing it for years and charges ??2.50/hour! Taking the p*ss somewhat I think....
  • Ah ha, you may be onto something there! (rubbing hands
    I know she won't want to register as a childminder so that could be a good ace card. Thanks hun.

    Alioli, I know ?? were we thinking!!!!!!
  • As well as the tax the childminder closer? and do any of your friends kids go to the same one too? like your LO's bestfriend? Does she do extras like speak another language? or topic that you SIL couldn't? Some C/M's in my area go to regular groups where the same bb's socialize together so keep the same friends.
    I can't believe how lazy your SIL has been not even rinsing out the lunch time dishes & ??6?! friend looked into becoming a C/M but saw that so many are listed that they are all charging around ??2.50ph just to get the custom so she didn't bother!
    Tell her you are skint're self employed so she would know you're not on a guaranteed income & what with the credit crunch!
    Good luck breaking the news & remember the best lies are those without too much info given so don't go overboard with whichever story you use! Yes, I'm a good fibber! lol!

  • you could tell her you want to socialize your baby more and that if u sent to childminder/nursery they would become more social and you could cut the costs as you would be able to claim tax credits to pay towards the childcare
  • Thanks for that girls, I think I'll definitely look into the tax credits thing and I know there are no young children there too so saying we want him to socialize etc is a good point.

    Frags_jones, we already said about the distance thing but they came back with her oh would drop him off to save us going!

  • look on the bright side she might not be very good but she obviously likes looking after him!!! If you tell her the going rate of ??2.50 and that that will only get paid by tax credits on her being a registered childminder that would probably be enough to put her off! even if she does want to be registered the whole process will be too long for her and as bed head said i don't think it counts if the person is a relative. see you don't need excuses - just the truth!
    good luck x
  • If all else fails you could tell her that someone has told you of this other place and it is so much cheaper you just can't afford not to.
    I'm self employed aswell and you can try for help with childcare costs (vouchers) but if you are not ltd they base it on company profits rather than the actual money you get to take home so makes it less likely you can claim (always worth a go), if you are ltd it is much better and is the same as employed and based on wages and savings.
    You could also say that if the tax people pick up that you are paying for childcare they may look into her aswell and if she isn't registered and not declaring everything she might get into trouble and you would hate to be the cause.

    Good luck!
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