Bonding at birth

Just out of interest: who experienced that instant rush of love when they first met their baby, and who found it took time?

It hit me like a sledgehammer with my first. I felt I already knew her. I also got it with my second, but it was different - it took me a lot longer to feel I "knew" her. At 3 months she is still more of a mystery to me than dd1 ever was - I'm still "learning" her. I think this is maybe because I was convinced she was a boy during my pregnancy.

How about you?


  • it didn't happen for me, tbh i don't know when it did, but it did, but certainly not in the first day or week. when he was born i was in so much shock as to what was going on and so tired, and not particulalry with it, that i was just a little numb really. i remember looking at oH holding him and telling myself that he was my son and that it was such a special moment, but i was having to tell myself. it certainly didn't hit me like a ton of bricks, don't get me wrong i know i loved him, but i din't 'know' him at all. i actually feel a little terrible writing that, probably because we're all told that there is an instant 'rush' that i was waiting for it to happen, iyswim? mind u i was diagnosed with post traumatic stress relating to the birth so perhpas that ahs somehting to do with it. i don't know, but i do feel incredibly guilty that i didn't have the instant bond that u hear about all the time. x
  • i was t'other way round! I was all a bit shocked with dd1 and i just lay looking at her in a kind of bewildered state! I was also stressed cos i couldnt get her to feed and it wasnt all lovely and easy like i had imagined!
    with dd2 it was all so easy and wonderful and that gush literally overcame me and i had that feeling all the first night! I dont know if it was cos i knew what to expect or what? strange eh.
  • Like you, I thought Peter was a girl during my pregnancy, so finding he was a boy was a bit of shock. It took me a good three weeks to actually think of him by his own name! But I do remember thinking he had the most perfect ears the moment he was put in my arms. And I spent the entire first night of his life looking at him with awe and amazement, although I'm not sure that is the same thing as love.

    These days the love I feel for him is almost overwhelming. I would never say I *know* him though. He is still full of mystery and wonderful surprises. (Today's was the moment I found him sitting on the floor holding a pen and an old shopping receipt, chatting away to himself and looking for all the world like a miniature version of his father when he is hard at work. :lolimage But oh, yes, I love him.
  • I'm not sure I felt the 'rush' of love straight away with any of them tbh - I was a bit shocked after each of my labours for various different reasons.

    Lo's 2 & 3 were popped straight onto my tummy - which is a wonderful thing - but I think my natural reaction was clean him/her up lol!

    With ds1, he was taken away by the nurses at first, but once on the ward, I def got it - I couldn't stop looking at him, prob when he was about an hour old.

    Ds2 - maybe not straight away - I found I missed my toddler when I was in hosp. Once home though - for days and days and had this euphoric feeling of being totally in love with my baby - it was wonderful! Better than any feeling ever.

    DD - a v traumatic labour and I can't remember exactly when it happened - but I know it did lol! Think it might have been day3 - I was totally overwhelmed with emotion that day.

    I agree with THG - all my children are full of fascinating secrets!


  • i am not really sure, i cryed when he came out but i am not sure if that was a rush of love, i had an emergency section and didnt get to hold my baby for nearly an hour (hubby did) i do think it took time to 'know' him i couldnt stop looking at him that first night though, the only night he has slept well and i was awake looking at him! i did have a bad few weeks recovering due to my scar opening when home, i do wonder weather it was the intervention that stopped the rush or if it just wouldnt of happend immedietly anyway?
  • I also thought my LO was a girl and was, surprised to see he was a boy! However I think I started to feel that lovewhen he was first born, but then he was swiftly given to my hubby who was sent to the corner of the room (where I couldn't see him as he was wrapped ina towel having skin to skin with hubby) as I had a huge bleed and needed sorting out and was then wisked off to another room to have stiches, so it was a what seemed like a long while of worrying before I saw him again!
    I think due to both of these things, although I loved him, I feel my love for him grew day by day in the early days! Although I must say I still think I love my little man more each day! I'm so happy to be his mummy
    I think I did feel a bit guilty that I didn't have that rush though, but I now know it has made no difference to the amount I love him! x
  • Definately felt it with both of them. I was quite overwhelmed with dd1 as I was pretty clueless and felt quite helpless often when she was crying and I didn't know why or what I should do. I remember the first day home and my mum telling me that I could put her down but I just said I didn't want to, I just wanted to hold her and look at her even when she was asleep.
    With dd2 I felt more confident so I wasn't so overwhelmed and I was really able to enjoy the feeling. I think the bonding was easier with dd2 as I was more able to understand why she was crying and so more able to meet her needs.
    I think I was more surprised by how fiercly defensive I became, I remember biteing someones head off for saying that my baby cried a lot (when she had colic), and the other day in the supermarket when some woman pushed my pram out of the way so she could get to the milk, she had a few choice words sent her way!
  • Yep, I got a huge rush when I heard her cry for the first time. I had an emcs 34+5 due to pre-eclampsia and hellp syndrome and we had been told she probably would not make a sound and would need intubating. However she came out screaming.

    Unfortunately, due to confusion between the nurses in theatre, she was taken up to special care without being shown to either me or her dad. I was given a pic of her which was taken at just under an hour old about two hours after i came out of theatre but didnt actually "see" her for the first time until she was 36 hours old. This was also the first time I held her. They brought her from special care to High Dependancy where I was and let me hold her for five mins. I just felt so stunned that such a tiny weak-looking little girl was proving herself to be so strong. They whisked her back to special care but then brought her back about four hours later and let me keep her with me for about 15 mins that time. After that, I saw her the next day for an hour in special care and then the next evening they brought her to me on the ward and the floodgates opened!! I just kept saying "She's here, she's here" to my mum who was with me at the time.
  • I didn't feel the rush of love that people talk about with Lily and in some respects it haunts me and I feel guilty. It took until she was a few months old to have that bond I thought would be automatic. I hope it is different with this one. x
  • i didn't really feel a 'rush' of love and can't ever pinpoint when it came as i think it was just 'awww my baby' iykwim? lol i probably just made no sense at all there but basically i think i didnt feel a rush but i did love her.

    i think i didnt feel the rush due to how ill i was in my pregnancy though. i had very severe HG was in and out of hospital, was put on high dose chemotherapy anti-sickness tablets as nothing worked (even those!), and she wasn't planned etc etc so all in all not a nice pregnancy and i just wanted it over with mostly.

    however as much as i hated pregnancy and will NEVER do it again i ADORE my little girl and did feel like i knew her immediately. i dont have any little bro/sisters so never really been around babies apart from my best friends, but that was 5 years ago now. but i seemed to know instinctively what she needed and when and still seem too now.

  • I remember feeling a rush of emotions after my em c-section but they weren't all love necessarily! Relief, fear, awe and that I majorly needed some sleep! I don't think the bond that everyone speaks about though was there straight away. Despite ttc fpr 18 months, being pregnant for 9 months and Matilda now being 10 weeks old I still find it hard to believe she is here and that she is all mine to keep. Definitely think we are still getting used to each other! xxx
  • Me and OH were both crying as Cameron made his entrance and of course that was a really emotional moment but I didn't feel the rush of love that people talk about! I think it was when he was about 5 weeks old that I was doing the washing up and was thinking about if i loved him and burst into happy tears when I realised i loved him more than anything in the world! xxx
  • I didn't get a rush, I already felt love for him when I was carrying him, he had a personality and i'd looked forward to him coming so much, then after 31 hours of lablour I was that exhausted I just lay there with him on my chest completely in shock that he was finally here. There wasn't a rush but certainly love he didn't cry when he came out (he doesn't cry much anyway but i assumed all babies screamed!) and I remember nearly sobbing at the midwife why isn't he crying! I stared at him then all night in complete wonder that this gorgeous thing was actually mine.

    The love I have for him has grown every day since and is now so fierce its frightening!
  • I didn't get an instant rush either. I was induced two weeks early with Sophie as I had pre-eclampsia and I don't think I'd quite prepared myself that she would be coming as I had about 3 hours warning of the induction.

    I was really happy when she was born, but felt completely overwhelmed and remember thinking "oh my God, how do I look after her"! For the next two days in hospital I was paranoid that I was getting everything wrong and that the midwives thought I was a rubbish mother.

    The feelings of love gradually built up over the next few weeks, and now I love her more than anything and wouldn't be without her. I know I do when she wakes me up at 3.30am and I'm completely shattered, but then I see her big blue eyes looking up at me and I really don't mind.
  • Oh i got a total rush of love when DS came out, and everyday since i cannt believe how much in love i am with him. It took us quite a while to concieve but I had an easy pregnancy and an easy labour so when we finally got him i just didnt ever want to let him go.
  • No, I didn't experience a rush of love. I had convinced myself throughout my labour that something bad was going to bad to Sam - didn't think he could survive it as it felt so brutal - so when he came out I felt detached from him. I would say it took a few months to start feeling the intense love I feel now. I always loved him, but he didn't seem real!

    I am hoping I feel it for number 2 - but I think that will depend on the birth.
  • I didn't get the rush of love either. I had a good birth and after that I felt absolutely euphoric but more in a 'OMG look what I did, isn't my body so amazing' kind of way than in a totally in love with my baby kind of way. I actually think I spent quite a long time being a bit afraid of her and feeling totally clueless and overwhelmed. I was diagnosed with PND at only about 2 weeks I was so down. She had undiagnosed silent reflux for the first 23 weeks and would scream really shockingly so I felt quite resentful at times that she wasn't the lovely cuddly baby I had dreamt of. I thought she was the most beautiful thing ever but also felt like she was a total stranger who I just couldn't understand and make happy. I do feel that if she'd started the medication sooner things would have been so different as there was nothing I could do to console her sometimes and I just felt like a rubbish mum with a miserable baby.

    Once she got a little older and was smiling and interacting more things got better and better. Now I just love her so much and can't believe how detached I felt in the early days. I really hope it's different for baby no 2. I know that if I have another baby who I KNOW shouldn't be crying like that I won't listen to people who say 'babies cry' and follow my instincts and ask to try Infant Gav straight away.

  • I got that 'rush' I was induced for PE and the labour was so quick, she was born in 2 hours 4 minutes and I remember them telling me that her heart rate was dropping and she was getting stressed so as soon as she was out they whipped her away because she wasn't crying and they checked her really quickly and then they wrapped her and gave her to me and I just couldn't believe how much I loved her.
  • Ah Mia's Mummy - I know exactley what you mean. I fell in love with DH allover again when I told him I was pregnant and and when ds was born I got the rush for lo but also for dh as he was so emotional. Gotta say though lo was still a mystery, couldnt have said i knew him or what to do really , well except stare and coo lol x
  • I didnt get that 'rush' of love when she was first born. It was like, i always knew I'd love her and I did love her straight away and it just made sense. It was like it was always there if that makes sense? When she was 4 weeks old, she was crying on our bed and hubby was lying next to her facing her and i was lying behind her. He was trying to comfort her but she kept on crying. She suddenly turned her head, saw me and instantly stopped crying and smiled. I felt the rush then which just made me more deeply in love with her than I had been before image x
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