when am I going to start enjoying this? - update

Hi everyone

I'm not really looking for advice as such I just need to put this down in writing to make me feel better! Maiya is 15 weeks today and if i'm honest i'm still not really enjoying being a mummy. I find her very difficult to deal with most of the time. She is a very active "spirited" baby and fights and battles everything. she doesn't want to nap, only likes her pram if being pushed outside, cries in the shops, cried being put it the pram, cries if she's tired and wants a nap, cries waking up from a nap, cries if she's hungry, cries if you put her down and on and on it goes. she doesn't give me a minutes peace and is a nightmare to take anywhere as won't be pram,, won't sit still on lap etc just end up having to leave. most days I just wonder why I bothered to have her at all as I get very little happiness. I try so hard every day but it just feels nothing is good enough. everyone says the first 3 months are the hardest but it doesn't seem to be getting any easier.mostly I feel miserable and every day feels like groundhog day. I miss my old (happy) life and just wonder if i'm ever going to enjoy being a mummy and whether it will ever get any easier.

thanks for listening image)

xx


I Just wanted to let everyone who was so nice to me know that I finally went to the docs abouts feeling so crap and she diagnosed PND. Hopefully with a bit of time and help I will soon start to feel better. Maiya is still a lot of hard work but she is also lovely and smiley too.

thanks again everyone for being great and listening to my moans!!

xx

[Modified by: lyndaB on 16 December 2008 13:13:22 ]

Posts

  • Oh you poor thing- life sounds pretty awful at present but hang in there because it WILL get better. Perhaps you can try a little time out from her to recharge your batteries. Otherwise try changing her routine- and leave her to cry a bit so she has to accept things. Remember you are the boss not her!!!
    Some little ones are cry babies but it doesn't mean they are unhappy- just noisy.
    Good luck xx
  • This sounds like I could have written it. My lo was exactly the same, wouldn't sleep during the day, up in the night, cried in shops, in queues etc. The only time he was happy was being in his buggy. I even brought it into the kitchen so I could push him round while I cooked some dinner!

    For some reason, over the last week (he's now nearly 6months) he has changed and he's brilliant! He still doesn't go down, but he'll sit in his highchair for 10 mins with a toy or some paper etc and, most importantly he'll actually go down for a nap in his cot during the day - an hour in the morning and afternoon - I'm still gobsmacked!

    The only thing I can say I did differently was actually being in the house for his tired times, recognising when he needed to sleep and putting him in his cot. He cried for the first day for about 10mins, put the dummy back in and he's been fine since then!

    Only problem is if I need to go out - it all upsets his routine.

    So, after wittering on, just wanted to say hang on in there - your life will never be back to what it was - let that one go! - however, your lo will improve in time.xx
  • Sounds like you are having a rough time. Can I ask two questions, do you have a routine and how is your lo's feeding? I didn't have a routine initially with my first and it was a nightmare, so I just thought I'd ask to rule out anything that might possibly trigger iritibility.

    My best advice, and please don't hate me for saying this is you have to be extremely resilent. The unphasably happy mum... irritating and difficult but I do believe it is worthwhile. My reason for saying this is you are your little ones sun, moon, and stars. You are her entire world and her only perspective on the world. If you are unhappy she will be miserable. And it is a terrible snowball effect. PLEASE NOTE I am not saying you are in any way shape or form the cause or reason your lo is unhappy. Just her happiness has upset you and so she sees you unhappy and you are the only world she can see so she sees little reason for being happy. Babies cry for so many reasons, I mean it can range from: I have gas pain to move your head I can't see that light bulb I am mysteriously transfixed to. But she'll learn her coping skills from you, it will happen but it takes patience, love, and tons of resilence. It will pass slowly, in the meantime try doing something just for you each day to lift your beaten soul, the comedian Sinefeld(sp) said that a baby winging and crying constantly was akin to parental abuse. Maybe a bath, a cup of coffee alone, or just 20 minutes on the internet.


    Best wishes
    xx
  • Hi Lynda,
    It's tough isn't it, sometimes I feel exactly that way. My hubby has been away all week for 2 weeks now and it feels like I have a Jekyll and Hyde baby, she moans and whinges for any reason. Occasionally she is all smiles, mostly when other people are around and I feel all guilty for being mad at her, and everyone thinks I'm a moaner for complaining about her for no reason. I think this must be a phase they go through, hopefully they come out the other side soon! I can only second what others have said about getting some company, I feel much better when mum has come up and taken me out for the day, and just to give one feed for me for a rest helps no ends.
    Really hope it gets better for you soon
    Corinna x
  • Thank you for all your lovely kind words image) Is nice to have somewhere to come and let off steam. Have got hubby putting her to bed so I can have a glass of wine and chill for half an hour. yippee. some times just little things can cheer you up.

    am going to try and think positive!! I do have her in a routine and always do bath, bottle and bed at night and try and watch for getting tired etc. I think the problem is me not her - she's just a baby!! i'm a control freak and want to be good at everything. some times it's just not that easy. I've had very little contact with babies before having Maiya and have always been a career person. turns out this is THE hardest job!!

    thanks again for listening image))

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxlove and hugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Oh hun it sounds like your having a really poop time at present (((hugs))) I remember feeling like that, because harri was a difficult baby although was always good when out. Things will get better just hang on in there. Remember we are always here if you need to talk. And also she wont hurt to cry for a while, xxx
  • Hi Lynda.

    I have felt this way too. If I'm honest i've only started to feel better about things since I've gone back to work! Nathan is nearly 7 months old now and I still struggle on my days alone with him. When he's happy and cheerful its great and I could play for hours but it turns out I dont have much patience when he's moaning.

    Like the other ladies have said "me" time is really important. I started making sure i was in during nap time so I could appreciate them and sit with a cuppa. Then I'd go out between them as he's generally happy when he's out but there was less pressure on me to constantly occupy him.

    It does get easier though, if you are going back to work I would suggest planning for it now as I found once I had a definite return date I relaxed a bit more.

    xxx

  • I have felt like you at times. Charlotte is now 10 and half months and a few people have commented on how strong willed she is. Sometimes she can be hard to please!
    I'm a typical Virgo so everything has to be perfect and it got to the point where my oh said that Charlotte is not a robot she is a baby! I know that will not help you but just to let you know you are not alone in how you feel. You definately deserve a break from your lo, you will feel so much better. And maybe in a few weeks/months she will calm down and you will forget all this!
  • My eldest was like this - hard to occupy, always crying and demanding attention all the time. I felt like she must hate me as nothing i did was good enough for her.
    She's now 5 and a half and is still strong-willed, she knows her mind and can still sometimes be hard work (as all kids are!) but on the positive side, she is incredibly bright, does great at school, thrives on discussing things, is cheeky as anything and is full of personality. I've always found each stage so far really hard work but i've surprised myself - its taken time but i always seem to know how to deal with things. When she was a baby, i did have to leave her cry sometimes and know the signs of boredom so i could jump in with something for her to do. and now, i have learned to read her moods and react accordingly, whether she needs distracting or a bit of space.
    Above all, she is wonderful and even when i feel at the end of my tether (which admittedly is fairly often!) i reflect on what i am doing and what i could change (think supernanny tactics) and things settle down. Every bad phase is worth going through because everyday she will do or say at least one thing that will make me swell with pride and know that its all worth it.
    Sorry am waffling on but just wanted to say i understand xx
  • Hiya love..

    I'm sorry your having such a hard time.. it'd be really lovely for you if your able to get some YOU time.. I don't just mean an hour in the evening when baby is still with you.. but maybe on your OH's day off.. could you leave baby with him for a few hours? Meet a friend for lunch? treat yourself to something nice? really make an effort with your self (we forget our selfs so quickly when we have little ones!) just have sme YOU time! Promise you'll feel great remembering your old self not just being a mummy!
    I (am not gloating promise!) but I have quite an easy baby and STILL find it hard work at times, so god only knows how much harder it must be for you!!

    But in regards to expecting to much from your self!

    look at what I posted when I was pregnant!! I was so stressed about being good enough!!

    http://www.babyexpert.com/chatroom/topic/28962

    But I spoke to a friend as I was starting to really get stessed out.. & she reminded me that i'm human! that to just do the best you can with the skills you have at the time. That non of us are perfect.. that our parents made mistakes sometimes, and do you know what! We've turn out alright!

    Now Charlie is fed (:lol: most of the time) clean (most of the time) and happy (most of the time!! lol sencing a pattern?) I do the best I can as do you!

    your baby will get easier as she learns other ways to 'talk' to you!

    take care of you.. because you can't look after anyone if your not right yourself love! xxx
  • Just wanted to say that i've taken your advice. am going to my work's crimbo do on the 18th at some posh hotel and am taking the whole day and having a cut and colour, manicure, pedicure and eye brow wax, then buying new shoes and going to the do!! is a nice meal with FREE booze so am going to get squiffy and let my mum and hubby look after the baby!! is nice to have something to look forward to.

    image))) thanks all for being so nice.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Good for you! Hope you have a really great day out, and that things start to get easier with Maiya soon.
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