Serious subject girls please help!! ny advice :(

Hi Girls

Well let me fill you in on the reason i desprately need advice, my ex boyfirned has came back on the scene demanding a dna test on my new baby whos 9 weeks old on Thursday, he's not his baby its mine and my new partners and he is his daddys double. I split up with my boyfriend near the end of February must have been about the 28th Feb, as i had met my new partner (we hadnt slept together yet or anything like that i did it properly ie break up then start a relationship) Well I first had sex with my new partner on the 8th March and fell pregnant straight away, my babys due date was the 30th November, showing that the baby defo was his as date of conception would be around about 8/9 March, I had my period 23rd Feb and a preg test on the 21st for a urine infection which came back negative, I hadnt slept with my ex partner since the last week in Jan as I knew in my heart it was over and couldnt bare him touching me. He was violent towards me on a few occasions punching me etc also at the end i had to involve the police as he was badly harrasing me for leaving him, even threating to send private videos of me to my father, which the police have on record, i feel he is just doing this to try and control me in some way again, he said he will go down the legal route if i refuse a dna test (Which I have done me and my partner) I jiust wish he would fk off out my life he is a rat bag, does he have any rights even though the dates of conception dont match the dates i was with him?

Dates again are below

Babys due date 30th November 2008 (Was induced 2 weeks early on the 13th as I had preclamsia, records would prove this ovbiously)
Slept with new partner on the 8th March
Had period on the 23rd Febuary
Negative preg test on the 21st Febuary.

Please give me any advice please, this is making my head pound had to get it off my chest!!

Thanks Girls for listening.

[Modified by: Scotslass2010


  • You could strike a deal with him - if you have the DNA test and it proves the baby's not his, he leaves you alone forever. It's a win-win situation - you have nothing to fear or lose because as you say, the baby is definitely your new partner's.
  • I'd stand firm at first (and ask the police to take out an injunction if he keeps harrassing you)- but if he wont back off then let him have his DNA (at a cost to him) in the hope it gets him out of your life for good. Its a difficult one, he sounds like an arse.
  • Hi hun, sorry to gatecrash from pregnancy! I am sorry to hear your ex is being such an arse, you poor thing. I'm afraid I have no idea if he has any right to demand a test, but I think you are right in that there is no way the baby can be his if you didn't have sex with him since the end of Jan.

    My only idea is, would a test of your new partner's DNA compared to the baby's be any more acceptable? After all, he knows it his, you know it's his, and maybe having a test that didn't involve using the ex's DNA might be less stressful but still have the effect of proving that he is not the father? Just to shut him up!

    On the other hand, if you are adamant you don't want any tests at all, it might be worth getting some legal advice. If you don't want to shell out for this straight away, maybe the citizens advice bureau would be able to help you find out what rights you have vs the ex's rights (or lack thereof I hope!).

    Good luck!

  • Hi hun. I wouldnt have thought he'd have any right to be honest? You say the baby is not his and dates don't add up, so why should he feel he has the right to make demands for DNA. If you were claiming the baby was his and trying to get money from him or his name on the birth certificate then fair enough, but surely not in this situation or where would the line be drawn? It does sound like he's trying to gain control over you and make you worry etc. Hope it resolves and that he has no right. xxx
  • It definately does sound like he is trying to control you again but via a different route.

    I was going to agree with PTB initially and say give him the DNA test on the condition that he went forever when you prove lo isnt his but having read Astraads solution it might be the best course for you and you don't have to involve him just let him go about it his way (costing him) then show your results proving lo is yours and your partners.

    I hope whichever way you chose that he vanishes from your life and leaves you in peace to live your lives happily.

  • Hey Love!

    I'd just give him the DNA test.. I'd say that he would have to pay for it himself tho, & if your right & he is not the Daddy! Great! Nips it in the bud before your ex starts trying to interfear with your new relationship suggesting the Child is his not your new blokes.. I mean I don't know anything about your new relationship.. Just that it's new and I don't think any one wants that sort of stress! xxx
  • hi hun, i didn't know your situation before i said the date i think you would have conceived and i still think it would have been around the 8th March. Sperm can live in the body up to about a week before you ovulate and you ov usually 2 weeks after your last period (on a 28 day cycle).

    I hope everything works out for you and i agree with the other girls, it does seem like away for him to control you and get back in your life.

  • Hello, I am another one gatecrashing from pregnancy!
    He sounds like a complete waste of space to be honest, and you are lucky that you have got your "new life" without him. I doubt he has any rights at all to be honest, and whatever you decide about the DNA test, I would seriously consider getting a restraining order (even if you do the test - there is no garuntee that this will sut him up, especially as tests don't give a 100% result - usually 99% is the best you can hope for).
    What does your partner think? It's best to involve him in all this as much as possible - as it sounds like your ex would like to drive a wedge between you - I think the most important thing is that you and your partner stand firm together!

    Good luck with it all.
  • Hi Hun,

    I bet your poor mind's all over the place!

    If it's worrying you then I'd get a DNA test between you and your partner so you know what's what in your own mind.

    Your ex can't just demand these things, and if he wants to know will have to go through a solicitor. The first half hour of a solicitor's time is usually free so if you want some advice go there first.

    You will also need a solicitor for a restraining order if you wish to go down that route, as it will be a civil matter unless things get out of hand.

    If yor ex's pestering is getting out of control contact the police and they can issue him with a harassment warning under the Prevention from Harassment Act. Once given, if your ex still doesn't leave you alone (including calling/texting/turning up on your doorstep/getting friends to pester you on his behalf etc), then the police can then arrest him (although you name suggests you're up in Scotland so may be a little different under Scottish Law). If you need any advice at all I'm sure your local station will have a domestic violence liaison officer you can ask.

    In all fairness, you know that your baby is your's and your new partner, so enjoy your little boy and ignore the horrid ex - it'll wind him up more if you ignore his childish behaviour!
  • Hey,

    I agree with everyone who has said to get a test done - either of your baby and your partner or your baby and ex. Then you will be able to get the siruation over and done with, put it behind you and move on with the rest of your life.

    By refusing it, your ex may think your refusing it because you have something to hide - by getting it done it's a way of standing up to him and proving him wrong.

  • Hi,
    Poor you! Last thing you need by the sounds of it....
    Everyone's come up with great suggestions (as ever), testing your partner and LO might be the best solution - or mention those lovely three letters......CSA......might put him off a bit as he sounds a total waste of space.
    Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope it works out ok xx
  • i would think he has no rights if you didnt sleep with him over the time of conception. cos if he did that would mean any ex partner could demand a test which is ridiculous.
    stand firm, tell hm to f off and waste his money on solicitors if he wants but you know the truth.
    what an arse. dont let it get between you and your oh, and dont let it ruin these early weeks with your lo!
  • HI Girls

    Thank you for all your support and replys

    I agree with both sides as i know a dna test would get him the fuck out of mine and my partners life but the problem of that is i dont fele i should have to jump or prove anything to that rat bag after the years of hell he put me through with the control and violence, then the bad harrasment at the end, i feel its within my right to say look fuck off, but if he wants to pay the money for a lawer then pay the money for a dna test if the court orders it he can do witever its not his baby i was gone before the date of conception, ive even had my mum tell him several times on the phone I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM IN FEB i think he's defo just trying to gain control over my life but in a different way if i agree its like im handing that control over on a plate and were does it end? i feel that men like that are sick in the head and if nots the dna its other things he's trying to control

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