co sleeping.. your thoughts

In a desperate attempt to get LO to sleep, I have had her in bed with me. She is never covered and I remove the pillows. But I know there are risks with this.

Just wondering what your thoughts are?

ALSO how did you get your LO to settle in their cot? I don't want to do controlled crying, just not me, but anu other ideas?

Thank you



  • personally i'm not a fan of co sleeping, but each to thier own, but i've read too many stories wheer its gone wrong (even tho they did it safely etc), but even if i had wanted to co sleep it wouldn't ahve been recommended for us as OH was a smoker when ds was very little and they say not to co sleep if u or ur partner is a smoker etc

    ds never had a problem with his cot, but he was never too keen on his moses, we found by putting him in it for some awake time (not putting down awake to go to sleep) and letting him play, he was got used to it, and then over about a week he was more and more comfortable being in there, and then because he liked it we were able to put him down awake before bed and he would nod off himself, perhaps u could do this with the cot? put ur lo in awake so she can have a kick about and get used to it and become more famiiar with it, then she'll be more wiling to sleep in there xx
  • Personally we've never co-slept and never would. It just scares me SO much to think of what can (and does) go wrong - I just could never risk it. I think it was also made worse by Lyvi being so small (4lb 11oz at birth) - she would have just disappeared in our bed!

    I think I remember you saying your LO has bad colic? Lyvi did too and she would not sleep anywhere but on us until we bought a sleep positioner (Lyvi couldn't sleep on her back, only her side) and wedge for the crib - literally overnight she went from not sleeping in her crib at all to sleeping in there no problems! Not sure if you've tried either of these?

    Also, how old is your LO? Sometimes I think they just need extra comfort when very young (but I know that doesn't help you when you're desperate for sleep).

    Love NN and Olyvia xxx
  • I know this is contraversial, and there are risks involved, but i think you can minimise most of the risk by taking sensible precautions as you have.

    My lo has co-slept for the best part of a year, and we have just managed to crack him sleeping in his own cot at nearly a year old.

    I did my best to find other places for him to sleep, but i was at my wits end and needed my sleep more than to follow guidelines. They are only guidelines at the end of the day.

  • I didnt plan to co-cleep but my after a week of dd not sleeping in her crib or her moses basket and just wanting to sleep on me, i decided to just try it and see how it went. My dd then slept so well! I would always try and get her to go into her crib but when she was hard to settle i would just bring her into the bed. I knew i would spend the next couple of hours battling with her to get her to sleep, but bringing her in with me would guarantee she would sleep straight away.

    Now she is 15 weeks and occasionally still comes in with us. But only if i can't get her settled at all in the early hours of the morning. She always starts out the night in her cot, in her own room.

    I used to use a dummy to get my dd to sleep but she would always knock it out her mouth when she tried to get her hand in! - she is teething! So i abandoned the dummy last week and she started to settle with me lying her on her side and gently patting her back and shhhing her. When she was asleep i would stop and gently roll her on her back. I would say this works 8 out of 10 times. The other times where she wont self-settle, i put her on my chest and just shh and rock her to sleep. Then i lie her in her cot. I know i am probably creating bad habits but i am happy to do whatever it takes to have a happy baby and a happy mum!

    As long as you or your oh havent been drinking, smoking or taking drugs. Co-sleeping is considered perfectly safe. As a bf mother you will be aware of your baby (not saying ff mothers wouldnt be!) and will naturally form a C shape around her to protect her.

    If it means that you are getting more sleep and it is the only thing that is working for you, then i would say try it for a week or so and then try her in her crib or cot again. As she gets older you will find she may be easier to settle or she may prefer the room she has in her cot/crib.

    Good luck!
  • Hey MG. Matilda has been in with us on a few occassions when she wouldn't settle. Like you, we took precautions and it was fine. In fact, at our NCT classes we were even encouraged to co-sleep (particularly if BF). It may be that they have guidelines on the net about it? I am aware though that it's a hugely controversial issue.

    I agree with the other poster about maybe putting Ettie in her cot when awake to have a kick around. We did this (kind of accidentally as I'd put her in it when I briefly left the nursery to get clothes or something and couldn't leave her on the changing unit). It's kind of a 'no pressure' approach then. Seems to have worked for Matilda - she's been in her cot since Sat.

    HTH K x
  • I co-slept with dd1 as she would calm immediately when next to the breast and it meant we all got a decent night's sleep most nights. It also meant barely having to wake up to feed her as she practically helped herself.

    She has slept through and self-settled in her own cot from 6 months. We never had a problem getting her out of our bed as at about 2-3 months old she started to fall asleep in our arms at about 7pm, so from then we'd transfer her to the cot for the first stretch of night's sleep. When she woke for a feed I'd put her in with us for the rest of the night. As she got older the first stretch in her cot would last longer, until eventually she was sleeping through in her cot.

    I am currently co-sleeping with dd2 - she falls asleep like a good girl in her Moses basket at about 8pm and then I put her in bed with us when she wakes for a feed, usually at about midnight. I'm hoping she'll do the same as dd1 and sleep for longer and longer until she sleeps the whole night in the Moses/cot.

    I know there are risks but there are risks with everything, like taking them out in the car and carrying them up and downstairs. Neither myself or hubby are overweight, smokers or on medication. Imo co-sleeping is natural. I love the closeness it brings and the way it calms my LO.
  • Honestly, there is no way I would have my LO in bed with me and DH. DH would have to move out for either of us even to contemplate it. Nevertheless if we were in your shoes, I think DH would happily move into another room so we could give it a try.

    I don't know if you've considered it MG, but you can get a crib that attaches to the bed and has that side open, so that they are sleeping with you but not with you - might be worth a try.

    Although I have no proof, I do believe that once you set routines, they do become your LO's normality and are therefore habits that are harder to break. Unless of course you are happy for them to co-sleep until they grow out of it in a few years time, then I'd say give it a go now.

    We've never had trouble getting LO into the cot at night but did go through something similar for nap-times. What I did was introduced a ritual, I lie him down with the curtains open, give him a dummy, put his comforter next to his cheek for a cuddle, put a blanket over him and then close the curtains. It took a few days but he now associates these things with nap-times and it works. He doesn't have a dummy, comforter or blanket at sleep time, as I didn't want to introduce anything that would keep me awake (as in dummy drops out) but for during the day, I don't mind.

    Not sure if I've helped at all but I'm thinking of you xx
  • Forgot to say whatever you do I hope Ettie lets you get some sleep soon. It will get easier, you can do it!
  • Hi MG
    As no doubt I've mentioned to you before, we share our bed with Monty. ????This was never the intention and we had a crib in our room but he cried the first time we put him in the crib and seemed so distraught that I though "hump that", whisked him out and he's slept nestled beside me since.????

    Co-sleeping has had very bad press because it IS dangerous under certain conditions and this has skewed the statistics. ????There is a very interesting review of studies and research here:

    I love sharing our bed with Monty. ????It makes night feeds a dream and I love opening my eyes to find him looking at me with his impish grin.

    We do sleep safely. ????I think that is all so important. ????I'm also a very light sleeper and I don't toss and turn - I wake up if I need to change position, but I've heard that this is the case for most BFing moms who bed share. ????

    If there's anything else you want to know, just ask. ????That article above is very enlightening and demonstrates why bed-sharing has been white-washed as being dangerous. ????

    Some people also think that it may lead to clingy or even emotionally scarred (WTF???) children!!! I'm not even going to go there. There are umpteen resources out there on attachment parenting and proximal care that show quite the opposite.
  • Have you seen these?

    My DD hated the crib so we would have her in our bed in this and then put it inside her crib and she slept in it until nearly 6 months. It made her feel alot more secure, she liked to be swaddled then wedged in between the positioners! Also meant she was in the same set up either in our bed or her own - its a tight squeeze in a double bed though as it takes up quite a lot of room!

    I loved cosleeping but always worried so much as its not recommended etc so this made me feel less guilty and we could all actually get some sleep!
  • Hey I co-slept with my LO for about 6 weeks, I was bf and she wouldn't really settle in her crib so she ended up just staying in with us. I loved it and if she was such a blimmin noisy sleeper I think she'd still be in with us now!

    As other co-sleeping mummies have said there's something in your brain that makes you wake up when you turn over and even at my most exhausted I was aware she was in with us. That makes it sound like you don't really get a good rest but you do, and its great to learn to bf lying down, important for a lazy one like me!!!

    Sara is now nearly 5 months and sleeps in her cot in her own room, no probs at all. Even the transition to that was easy because I think we didn't leave it too long, although the way PTB did it sounds great too. One word of warning, be prepared for LO to have the lions share of the bed, not sure how that always happens when they're so tiny!

    Give it a go for a couple of'll soon realise if its for you or not!!!

    Good luck, hope you get some much deserved rest soon

    Liz xxx
  • I have co-slept regularly with my lo since he was 7 months ish (he's 2 now and do it more than ever!) simply because I'm too lazy to do all those tiring techniques :lol: my sleep is more important than that supernanny sh*t if only my oh would agree!!! xx

  • oh also i just wanted to add, that the only 'real life poeple' i know that co slept is my sister and her 3 daughters, the eldest was in bed with her until the second was born, then the second stayed in bed with her til the 3rd was born (all 3yr gaps) and the thrid was in there til she was about 2.5-3 again. so they didn't ahve a bed to themselves for 9years in total! which put me off more than a little bit, plus (now i knwo this isn't true for all children who have co slept, but its the only example i have to go by) none of them sleep properly even now, i mean the eldest is 15 and she is still a terrible sleeper, they never had regular nap times or bed times as babies (which is probably what contribute more than the co sleeping) but the 15yr old is never in bed before midnight and is up at least once a night pottering about downstairs, the two younger ones are just the same, 9 and 12, and the 9 year old is the worst she'll still try to sleep in with one of her sisters or her parents even now and wakes frequently, she also still has 'accidents' in the night, which i know is another matter entirely, and the 12yr old wakes in the night and very early morning and reads until she can drift back off. like i say this may have nothing to do wth the co sleeping, but the whole thing jsut makes me not want to parent in anyway like my sister did, whcih includes not co sleeping. oh and the way she co slept was with the baby inbetween her and her OH, which i'm pretty sure is not recommended in any way shape or form...on the otehr hand she thinks i'm the strictes mum in the world as ds actually does nap in the day, and if he stirs (not cries) i don't go running to him immediately, and i often have to tel her not to go barging into his room at the minutest of noises (normally a little snore as he turns over)...anyhoo i've gone off on a tangent there

    if u want to co slep, by all means do it, jsut obviosuly (which u would anyway) make sure ur doing it by the safest means possible and no all the risks and possible down sides involved, and there must be some or everyone would be doing it lol. xx
  • my first son had very bad colic and the only way he would sleep was in bed with me. it was never a worry and i trusted myself not to roll onto hm. i was the only one in the bed with him tho and there is no way in hell i wud trust my partner now with our daughter hence why she has always been in a cot. she was in special care for a bit tho which im sure helped as she had to be in a cot.
    once DS was around 12 weeks i introduced the cot during the day and then perservered at night. it takes a week or so of bad nights but is well worth it. he has been a very good sleeper since and i take a no nonsence approach to bedtime.
    wishing u all the success
    nat xxx
  • When my ds1 was a baby (8yrs ago) the guidelines were that it was ok as long as you were non-smokers and had not had drugs/alcohol.

    Guidelines were changed following a couple of tragic cases - one where a poor woman smothered her baby in the maternity ward having missed 2 nights sleep. Apparently she was very overweight though.

    On the guidelines available at the time ( :lol: ) I did co-sleep some of the time - and I loved the closeness and the ease of nightfeeds. I took every precaution you could re. pillows/duvets etc and I never put baby between hubby and me. I used to wake up in the exact same position I went to sleep tbh. I was always very 'aware' of baby being there.

    Neither me or hubby is overweight either. I am also a very light sleeper - aren't all mums? image

    I did co-sleep with other 2 as well - what you do for your first baby, you tend to do for subsequent babies. To me it always felt a completely natural and safe thing to do.


  • Hey hun,

    We co-slept with Arthur for the first few weeks as he would not settle in his cot. I loved it and he still comes into bed with me every morning at 6.30 when my hubby goes to work. I placed his cot next to the wall and then our bed next to it so he could not fall out.

    I thought the transition from bed to cot would be difficult but it was rather easy. I started by placing him in his cot in the day while I tidied upstairs. He would play in there watching the light show and his mobile. Then one day when he was nearly 10 weeks old we decided to give it a go and he was fantastic. In fact he slept better; I guess he was not being disturbed as much.

    I did not want to do controlled crying so to settle him in his cot I would place him in there and sit on the bed waiting for him to fall asleep, that way if he wanted comforting I was there straight away. I only needed to do this for a week and now I can leave the room when he is awake and he will settle himself. He does wake lots during the night though, sometimes he will settle himself but at other times he wants milk (he is a very big boy) he is 20 weeks now.

  • Double post

    [Modified by: newtobemam on June 01, 2010 07:53 PM]

  • I have co slept with 2 of my four. For the many reasons listed already... just to get us all some sleep. I only did it with me and babe in bed... no sheets blankets, or pillows... and I'd sleep nose to nose... I ebf and found it was a sanity saver, mind you because I was ebf I couldn't have rolled over if my life depended on it. lol. Imo do what works for your family.

  • i havent but i know people who have that have uised snuggle nests

    will post a link

  • we co-slept a little, not regularly, but if she woke for a feed quite close to getting up time then I didn't bother trying to re-settle her in her bed and just kept her in with me, always on my side though not between us. I would feed her lying on my side and we would both just drift back off to sleep, I never felt it was unsafe and like others have said you are always 'aware' even when you are asleep.

    Also, it might be a bit late in the game now but a baby hammock can really help with colic and sleeping. My lo was in one from birth and I totally credit it with how well she slept and re-settled after night feeds. She is 19 weeks now and just moved into a cot tonight, it says on the info that they can stay in them up to a year though.

    I hope you find something that helps soon. xx
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