just needing to off load some thoughts

hi ladies and babies,

Hope your all well!

just needing to off load some thoughts..... my little man is only 10 days old and i feel like i'm really struggling, he is my first and much wanted baby but i just feel crap! I feel like i cant look after him properly due to the problems i'm having in my foo area! (i had an epidural and spinal block in labour so had to have a Catheter which really damaged me) everytime i pick him up it hurts, everytime i sit down i feel like i'm sitting on razor blades. i cant even go to the toilet to pass water. Its really getting me down. I just feel so pathetic and useless to him and my OH.

I'm crying all the time, i can barely eat. I'm so scared this is going to turn into pnd. I love my baby so much- i dont want to ruin the start of his life being depressed.

Sorry for the miserable post



  • Thanks katie, least i know i'm not the only one to ever feel like this! i keep pressuring myself to do things that i shouldn't be doing yet. i just want to look after the men in my life
  • hi hun, I had c section and felt great after Lo but this was also down to hospital prescribing me super strong co-codamol. I didn't feel hardly any pain, but if I forgot the meds, then I did. Its definitely worth asking mw.

    Really though honey, you shouldn't be doing much just relaxing and snuggling with baby. You are NOT useless, you've just given birth!!

  • yes i'm on 2 different pain killers and antibiotics now. i'll be rattling soon
  • Have you spoken to your mw? I had an episostomy as well and also tore anyway but I didn't experience anything near as bad as how you describe..... Have you been checked recently? And the other thing is are you taking your pain relief? You should have been sent home with paracetamol and anti-inflammatries. Baths with tea tree oil helped me loads

    ((( hugs )))
  • Hey, give yourself some time to recover! The first few weeks are really tough and you should be resting and enjoying your new baby. Let everyone else look after you while you look after lo. It's natural to be feeling elated one minute and low the next while hormones are settling back down. Make sure you tell your oh how you feel and don't bottle things up. Don't worry, things will get better, and tell mw how much pain you're in cos she might prescribe some painkillers. Enjoy your new arrival!

  • Hi i just wanted to say i totally know how you feel, i am naturally a worrier and i worry so much about my LO, she is nearly 3 weeks old and i still feel weepy and not quite with it, she was also very much wanted and i love her so much and she is a really content baby and feeds and sleeps well, we have been bombarded with visitors from day 1 which hasnt helped as i am the type who likes the house to be in order and it gets to me when the housework isnt done, both grandmas have been great helping with housework and food parcels but i still dont feel in control, am i putting to much pressure on myself to get everything together? is it to soon, i would really like to know if i am normal and what i feel is normal, again i am scared of it getting out of control and turning into PND, this is my first baby and when everyone says are you loving it i feel like saying no cos i am sick of everyone visiting, phoning, texting i just want to be left alone! please let me know i am sane!!! xxx
  • thanks so much for that tallkatie2, i feel alot better, everything you said is what ive been feeling, i have told my friend who is due her baby in june to not let people come round for the first 4 days too cos it certainly would have helped alot! i just want to get to know my new family and not have to get up early and glam myself up to receive visitors!!! arrgghhh, thanks!! xxxx
  • Agree with everyone else, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Also had episotomy and a foreceps delivery in the end and my stitches, well you know what it's like. I kept saying to hubby "I'm sure I could do this better and be a better mum if i wasn't in so much pain" I swear salt baths were the best thing I did. I stopped listening to the midwife who said tea tree oil in the bath and put a ton of table salt in the bath twice a day. Felt better straight away. And when you feel a bit healthier it all starts being so blurry. I also found that just straightening my hair and a bit of mascara made me look better whihc in turn made me feel a bit better too. Even if it still hurt like hell to sit down or go to the toilet!!
    Katie is right though it really does go so quickly and these early days are precious. I can't remember my lo being tiny at all. So try to enjoy it, I promise that it does get better. S x
  • The thing I wish someone had told me before I had lo was the the first 6 weeks are ridiculously difficult! No sleep and not knowing if I was looking after her right. I used to count the hours til my oh came home from work. I remember one night when she just would not sleep I was crying so hard and just saying over and over to my oh that I hated being a mum. Its especially difficult because you don't really get much back from your lo.

    Once you get your first smile though it is amazing I promise you! It kind of spurs you on and you know you must be doing ok because your lo loves you.

    What she said!!!
    Those first weeks were hell :\( I wasn't well enough to come on here and speak to others though, so we battled 'alone' or so it felt at the time. It gets easier and once those horrible stitches dissolve, you get some sleep you do slowly start to feel more normal I promise xxx

    Just read back over your first post, you haven't got an untreated uti have you caused by the catheter?

    [Modified by: MrsT on February 28, 2009 09:46 PM]

  • Honestly I agree 100% with all the girls on this one, especially about the 1st 6 weeks. I had a terrible time, sever pre-eclampsia, 2 failed inductionsand ended up with an emergency caesarean because babys heart stopped, dosed to the eyeballs on medication, cathater which was horrible etc etc.
    Then got home and just felt so alone (ex and I had split just before I found out I was pregnant), terrified etc. Couldn't sleep, eat, concentrate and all I wanted to do was sleep and look after my baby but constant visitors and it felt as though no one was helping me even though I live with my mum and brother!

    Anyway my ex p888ed off by week 4 and he didn't see her for a week between weeks 2-3 so I had him then bombarding me first off with what her surname was going to be, when was I going to allow him to take her out on his own and then that he was taking me to court because i said i needed time to get to know my baby before letting her go without me to someone that she didn't know because in the 4 weeks of her life he had spent about 12 hours with her and that was in the company of all his family who passed her around CONSTANTLY like a doll!

    Anyway once he was away the worry was in the back of my head that he was taking me to court and things but my main priority was Ellie and she had such terrible colic, wouldn't feed, wouldn't sleep unless I held her and was just a general nightmare. I walked all the time to get her to sleep and to stop myself from going mental and therefore lost a ton of weight.
    Basically I can remeber the horrible things that went on just after she was born, I can remember feeling that I didn't want her, I wanted to take her back to the hospital and wanted them to look after us and that I didn't want to be a mum and all these sorts of things. My family started ranting on about me having pnd because I cried from day 6 for 3 solid weeks every single day, somedays I cried all day and others just once or twice but suddenly it lifted and it was only later I realised it was around the 6 weeks mark.

    You are doing a fantastic job and never bloody mind looking after your husband, you have just went through a very traumatic experience both mentally and physically, your in pain, your hormones are every which way but the right way and you have a tiny baby who your still getting used to being around.
    We've all had days where we've forgotten to feed them until they start screaming or whoops left a nappy on for a bit longer or fallen asleep while holding the baby-everyone does!!
    Try and relax and let other people care for you while you care for the LO with your husbands help. Sleep when the baby sleeps (best thing I ever did), forget the dishes and the dirty laundry it's all superficial. As for the MW/HVs visiting half of them in my experience didn't have children so don't let them pass judgement on how your house looks plus they must see tons of messy houses every day!
    Hope your feeling better soon and that you get yourself checked out down below as it's better to be safe in case of infection. Good luck!
    Lauren xox

    PS sorry for how long my post turned out to be...waffling!
  • Thanks everyone for your replies!

    mrsT- when i was taken to Drs, she said i could have a uti or thrush. so i;m on antibiotics for that and cream for thrush (just realised though antibiotics can cause thrush!!) vicious circle! I'm so lucky my lo sleeps during the day and my oh is doing ALL the cleaning and cooking- so i can come on here to offload and get advice

    Misslauri86- your post made me put things in to perspective so thank you. I thought i was the only one whose in laws use the baby as a pass the parcel (really pees me off) ohhh i could rant forever about my in laws!

    Again thank you all you replies and advice
  • we've all been there hon....one thing i can advise is keep a jug or big cup/glass by your loo, and pour warm water over ur bits as you wee, sorry if tmi, but it really helped me! with ur feelings, dont worry its totally normal, i felt like it too and felt a bit helpless as this little person was totally dependant on me.
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