self settling...

Hi Ladies

Tyler is 7 months and we've not yet mastered self settling, he will do it at night (sometimes) but I cant just put him down awake and he drifts off by himself, he has developed a habit of pulling the baby monitor off the cot and throwing it on the floor if he's left in there awake. So he's rocked to sleep (i'm a bad mum but hey he's a boy not going to get cuddles for much longer)

What age did your LO's learn to self settle ?




  • Emilia did it at about 8 weeks, although up until about 19 weeks she couldnt settle herslelf back to sleep if she woke up from her nap early during the day. Emilia is a funny one though, she isnt really that keen on being held alot if she is tired. She woulds rather be put in her cot.

    You enjoy your cuddles, I miss my sleepy cuddles

    Joanna x
  • Hi Sarah
    I was the same and would let DD fall asleep in my arms before I put her to bed. I was very naughty image
    She's (almost) 8 months and I stopped doing it about 6 weeks ago now. We started having through the night wakings and she'd need me to settle her.
    She'd actually always been great at settling herself for naps, waking in the night etc so when this became an issue I had to tackle the "putting her to bed awake" thing!
    Not that easy as obviously she'd been used to it yet there she was drifting off alone.
    The first 3 nights I did like a gradual retreat and just gently sssshed her & patted her arm. She does have a comfort teddy.
    But after about the 1st week she's been great, goes off within a couple of minutes (unless she's OVER tired and can take her awhile so if need be I still do the ssh, pat although this is rare.
    The way I thought about it was that I'm doing her a favour by not needing me to get her to sleep. I had visions of me letting a 3 year old fall asleep on me :lol:
    Hope things go ok, but what I will say is when you start it stick with it otherwise it'd give him the wring message. Good luck xx
  • My HV suggested controlled crying on him, but since i'm trying to wean him off the swaddle and he's teething pretty badly its not the right time to try it. He has got harder to settle as he's got older, not sure why but sometimes it can take up to 30 mins for him to settle properly. Also sometimes he'll fall asleep with one arm out of swaddle, other times no chance !!

  • Cutie82 - how old is your DD hun? x
  • It's entirely up to you Sarah what you want to do for your son.
    I just wanted to take the gentle route to start with at least. I'm not against CC at all though.
    Plus my DD didn't actually cry, she'd just do this whingy murmur noises (I used to call it Chinese water torture!!!)

    What I did (and still do) is just put her in her cot after her bath & bottle, she's in a sleeping bag too, and just kiss her and say night night then leave her. She'd occasionally whinge for quite a while so I would go in, but never took her out the cot (unless she was distressed). I always made sure I came out of her room before she fell asleep too.
    I have to say it's been really lovely since, it's nice knowing she can get herself off to sleep (but Mummy's not far away if she needs me) and bedtime's not a bit of a nightmare anymore.
    I do miss my cuddles but we make up for it during the day instead image xx
  • So when you went in if she was whinging, what do you do ? More often than not Ty has either got himself tangled in his swaddle (hence the weaning) or has put himself on his belly and frightened himself. i try to just roll him over and walk out, or re-swaddle and walk out but unfortunately he's a crier.
  • Well we never swaddled but she's a mover. She would often wake herself up upset because she was asleep on her belly. She doesn't like this so I use 2x rolled up big bath towels under her cot sheet to keep her in place. They're not tight against her, she's got room to sleep on her side (which she seems to like) but I think she likes having the security. I removed them a couple of weeks ago cuz I thought she'd be ready to sleep without them but nope!
    When she was doing the whinges I'd just ssshh her and pat her. I continued with this each time I had to go in so she would start to understand that she doesn't come out of bed and I'm "telling" her it's time for sleeps.
    She would crya few times when I left BUT she'd be doing it to see my reaction as she'd cry then pause! I knew she was fine, so providing there was no underlying problems I'd keep up with the sshhh pat. I would stay with her for say 5 mins, then come out. However I also didn't jump for every noise to see if she'd settle herself.
    HTH xx
  • I do what Kelly does. Rub lo's tummy, give him a kiss, and say night night. I use a light show though, and he 'cuddles' a muslin. It took 3 nights before he would settle himself, and each night it took less time. We shhh and pat only if he properly cries. He's not been settling every night, as it's hot. He's 20 weeks now, and self settled from about 14 weeks maybe. xx
  • Hi there,

    we have a mix of self settling and falling asleep on me. Sometimes he's so tired, after he's had bottle, sat up and burped, he just falls asleep, and it's like waking the dead, lol! So on these occasions, he goes down asleep, as I don't personally (and this is my opinion only!) don't think it would really benefit him to then wake up to go down!! But other times he's wide awake when he goes down and we do the pat and shhh. I leave him, and let him have a little mumble and if that goes to a whimper/cry I go back in, pat, shhh then go back out again. As Kelly says, unless he's distressed and not settlng for a reason such as teeth etc, I try to avoid picking up.

    I was quite skeptical of the pat a shhh to being with as for the first 3/4 months he used to fall aslepp in my arms downstairs, and we'd only take him up once we knew he was totally asleep (naughty naughty naughty!!) but it really really works.

    good luck, and try not to worry!!

    ps , DS is 7.5months old and we don't self settle for day time naps at all unless in the car/pram, these involve falling asleep on me! We've not yet mastered it for these sleeps!!! xxxxx
  • Hi Sarah - feel like I'm stalking you from BIN! Freddie's never got the hang of self settling either and I blame his reflux. We were advised to keep him upright after every feed so if he didn't fall asleep on the boob he'd fall asleep while we were holding him upright. Consequently he doesn't self soothe and is becoming a nightmare to settle as he's a champion sleep fighter. He doesn't nap well either ...

    I've heard him manage to get himself back to sleep 3 times (in 7 months it's not a great record is it?!) but usually he needs a cuddle - even sssshhh'ing and patting won't settle him. And sometimes he even needs boob to get back off. He doesn't often cry when he wakes tho - it's usually just whinging, waving his cuski round the cot and general tossing and turning as he tries to find his sleep. I've left him for over half an hour to see if he can find his sleep but he doesn't! I said to OH if I didn't intervene would he just stay awake til morning?

    I'm far too soft for controlled crying so am resigned to the fact we won't be getting a full nights sleep for a while. I keep reciting the mantra 'he'll sleep through when he's ready' but the optimist in me is beginning to think that might be years away ....

    Ooops - that's taken me ages to be no help at all, sorry hun - sleep deprived ramblings of a woman who needs wine xx
  • This thread makes me feel so much better! Lucas is 6 weeks and never really self settles! He is generally swaddled and sometimes it's enough for me to reswaddle him if he's managed to get his arms free, but certainly after his night feed he does not settle by himself at all and day naps are on me or not at all! It's nice to know that I haven't ruined his chances of being able to self settle by holding him till he's asleep. Like a few of you he won't always cry straight away but has been know to grizzle for 2 hours and then cry!
  • I have no advice, iv just posted a topic on this myself, just wanted u to know you're not alone! xx
  • Hi,

    I can't offer alot of advice as my LO self-settles fine if he wakes up at night but has a dummy to go to sleep during the day and first thing at bedtime. I hate dummies and he only started having it as he had really bad colic and it was the only thing that made the slightest bit of difference. We are off on holiday in a week but after that I want to wean him off of it so will be watching this thread with interest as I'm sure I'll be needing some advice to.

    RJ84- I'm the same as you, on the odd occasion that he has fallen asleep whilst winding I just put him down asleep I don't see anything constructive in waking a child just to put them down to sleep again just to make a point. It doesn't seem to affect the way he goes to bed when he's awake.
  • Mummyp, I can honestly say too, that I have also noticed absolutely NO difference in how well he sleeps if he goes down awake or asleep either, so I don't worry about it when he does go down already asleep! xxxx
  • Just to add DD also used to fall asleep on me during bottle/winding etc and I could not wake her whatsoever!! I had no problem putting her to bed that way if that's what you mean??
    It's just since we've been doing the self settling she no longer actually falls asleep on the bottle, winding or on me. She'll only fall asleep in bed now x
  • Hiya image

    I unfortunatley have a ds who wakes up as soon as you put him on his back lol so even though he looks uber tired and rubs his eyes ect downstairs as soon as he's in his cot it's big smiles!

    What I did was put him in after he's given me two huge yawns or during a cuddle fell asleep...and I have a chair next to his cot that I sit in completley silent just so he knows I'm there and I haven't left him. I'll also read him a story sometimes if he's hugely awake.

    I'll be honest...I can be up there for an hour at most. I've been doing it now for around a month and he's still taking forever. But I never let him fall asleep on me anymore. My reasoning is that if I want him to have naps in nursery I can't expect a nursery nurse to rock him to sleep and I didn't want him left screaming for comfort in a cot iyswim? X
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