Not Allowed Any More Babies!

My oh has made it clear that we are not going to have anymore babies! Although I'm not broodie right now and wouldn't want a pregnancy for a couple of years, I wouldn't like to rule it out forever! Has anyone's oh said no more babies? What do you say to something like this? There's no way of changing his mind.
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  • My hubby is the opposite, he defo wants more, its me who aint sure at the moment.

    Kerry xxx
  • I don't really understand why he doesn't want anymore, it's not like he does all the hard work that comes with a baby. I think it's quite selfish to deny that to me.
  • It must be hard if you want them to think that you cant have anymore but I'm the opposite. I really dont want any more, I dont think I could cope emotionally. If I'm honest I think its worse to make someone have children when they dont want them than to deny them and have been cross with oh for being selfish and expecting me to have another. Afterall, those children are then born to someone who, regardless of how much they love them, never wanted them in the first place.

    Like I said though I only feel like this because I dont want anymore and do feel guilty knowing that oh is hoping/expecting I'll change my mind. Knowing how he would like another I can appreciate how hard it is in the reverse situation too.

    xxx
  • I can't imagine how it would feel to have an oh who'd like more children! I just can see him changing his mind ever. This may be another reason why I'm reluctant to get married to him. Donna, do you think you'll ever change your mind?
  • My oh is the same, and yes it really annoys me cos he does nothing with Gabe! I'm not sure if I want more but, like you, I dont want to rule it out completely. I think he may change his mind in a few years tho as he has spoken about wanting a little girl (or in his words "Ones enough trouble so you might as well have another...it'd be nice to have a girl") xx
  • my oh is similar tony didnt want more but i explained that i might want one more in 5 years time n it was harsh of him to just say no more as hed never experienced pregnancy and birth from my side of things he didnt know how hurtfull it was to be told no never again. we had a really good talk n now both feel that we may one day have more he was just worried about me because from his point of view ivw been knackered for the last 4 yrs with no social life.
  • I can't get my head around a man wanting to have a baby, it's something I'm not used to. He adores his kids when they are here, but before they're born it seems he couldn't care less! What does it feel like to have an oh who wants more children? xx
  • Know the feeling...my oh didnt give a toss when I was pregnant!!! Never bonded with the bump as some men do...

    He's only really got on with Gabe since he started smiling. Before that I think he was bored by him!
  • tony was lovely when i was pregnant really attentive n adored bump infact i felt abit lonely as he only ever spoke to me about baby! but we have had several late mcs so i think thats why he was so in love with the bumps
  • My husband is the broodiest man I have ever met. He'd like dozens... he has actually been a little disappointed the last two pregnancies that it wasn't multiples because he'd love to just be surrounded by children. His feelings are that he doesn't like most people... he's a charmer , and he has never met people before his own children that he loved and liked to be with as much as his own children, so he'd love to have dozens of people he loved being with... I suppose not the worst reason to have children. We have separated atm, and he still pestering me to have more... lol... I wonder what makes men decide they want children or not... is it maybe something they were taught or is it something that they just naturally feel in their unique person.

    best wishes, I hope it works out the way that leaves both of you feeling content and fulfilled.

    xx
  • I'll never change my mind, I'm sure of it.

    I expected Nathan to be much easier than Lauren as I was young when I had her and thought being older and in a couple would make it easier but I've actually found it much harder.

    If I'm totally honest about it I have resented having to give up "my" life. Now Lauren is older we were just starting to get time to be young and enjoy more freedom than I've had since I was 16. I've found it really hard to give up, and get really pissed off and jealous of oh when he goes out (he has to "network" for his job but its just an excuse really). I hate being at home during the day but havent been able to motivate myself to meet other mums - only this week since I went back to work have I felt sociable and contacted one of my postnatal ladies for a drink.
    We were also financially quite comfortable but as my salary has reduced and unfortuntely me and oh both work in mortages so our earnings have dropped too, we actually have had to consider the prospect of losing our house.

    I adore Nathan, absolutely love him but like tigerlily said of her oh, sometimes I just get bored of him - I know that sounds awful and I'll probably get struck down by lightening now but I do wish I could swap places with oh - who by the way is out "networking" now (probably why I'm so pissed off, sorry for ranting but its nice to get it off my chest as I've been carrying it around for a while).

    So no, I wont have another.Sometimes I think I'm such a bad mum for not enjoying him more, the hard times seem to outweigh the good. But, then I look at Lauren and we have a great relationship and I'm so proud of her and I know that one day I'll have the same with him.

    xxx
  • I think it's very harsh of your oh to say no more babies, it should be a joint decision at least.
    Also, if there are no real reasons to not have more (medical, financial etc) then I don't see why you would need to set a limit, what will be will be.
    I feel your pain though as I'm single so it's impossible for me to have any more children in the forseeable future and that really breaks my heart.
    You need to explain to him why you can't just say "no more kids" and that you need it to be left open and also, get him to explain why he doesn't want anymore
    Good luck hun, Gemma
  • MumDonna, that sounds normal to me. I do think that men don't understand how having a baby impacts on a womans life!

    My oh couldn't tell me the last time Gabe had a bottle or had his nappy changed. He refuses (yes, refuses) to change a dirty nappy because it's "disgusting". He doesn't know the difference between a bodysuit and a sleepsuit. He doesnt know which of Gabe's clothes fit and which are too big/small. He goes out when he wants where he wants and comes back to play with Gabe for 10 minutes and Gabes laughing away!!! Grrrrr....I really wish I could swap places sometimes. My relationship is stuck in the dark ages eh
  • my oh said no more all the way through my last pregnancy and now hes saying he wants another!! maybe hel change his mind in the future? xx
  • lol - tiger lily, that's exactly how my oh is! I told him the other day to get another sleepsuit for Kyra and he came down with a massive one 9-12 months! Kyra's only 5 months! I said 'Can't you see that's too big?' He said 'It will fit, just put it on.' Poor thing has the arms and legs dangling off her! Men!
  • Hollysmum - I honestly cannot see him changing his mind. TMI - he's so worried about getting me pregnant again he can't fully relax during sex and he checks the condom very very carefully before and after for splits! He would have a vasectomy tomorrow if the Drs would let him, he's only 23 so won't. I can't go on like this. It's too much of a chore and sex isn't as it should be!! xxx
  • hi, me and my hubby have 5 children together and he has said definatly no more, but i can remember him saying that after baby no 3, and 4, now no5 is 17 months old aybe, or maybe not, he does take some pursuading though, but will see.xx
  • Don't worry it is probably just a stage. Men on the whole are quite self centred and most I think get quite jealous of the fact that the baby takes attention away from them. Once the baby gets older and you don't spend all your time looking after it and pay more attention to him he will probably change his mind.

    After my 1st I wanted a second within 2 years. My husband wanted to wait but I talked him round. However I had a MC so it was 3 years in the end. A couple of years later I wanted to try again as I had 2 boys and my dream was to have a daughter. HB was dead against it as he said it was too hard work (stupid man had never got up in the night, changed a nappy, given a bottle or been alone with the children).

    He then had an affair, I was going to leave him but said I would give him a chance. I got a great job, was going out, made lots of friends so he didn't take care and I got pregnant. I was really p****ed off and he was really happy.

    Now that the baby is here again he is fed up with my world not revolving around him and is going out all the time and I am left here running around after 3 kids. But I am sure once the hard work is over he will be fine again.

    So don't worry I am sure he will change his mind in a few years. Enjoy the baby you have now and once you have time on your hands to pamper him in the future he will soon come round to your way of thinking.
  • I am quite lucky on this score. Grace was a total shock for me. There is 10 years between her and my youngest and i was worried about it. However, I have taken to being a mum again really easily and Jake has taken to being a dad as well.

    I am unable to have anymore at all now as i got sterilised and Jake is perfectly happy with just Grace as he was expecting to not even have her as I shouldn't of even had her.
  • Yes, I am just going to enjoy what I have...I do every day. I love looking after my kids and watching them grow and learn new things. It's so rewarding. I just don't like someone dictating my future for me! I couldn't imagine having a child with another man, I want them all to have the same dad! We...we'll see what happens? Thanks for your replies ladies xxxx
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