Need DESPERATE HELP settling my newborn

So I had my little boy last Friday and we came out of hospital yesterday, so he is 3 days old today.

In hospital he was fine, I would feed him, then put him down in cot and he would sleep for a few hours (obviously being grizzly a little bit). We came home yesterday, and he slept in his moses basket during the afternoon, and last night. Got up to feed him at 4am this morning, and he literally has not stopped screaming since.

If I or my husband hold him, he happily sleeps in our arms, but the moment we try and put him down in the moses basket, he raises the roof again. He is clean and dry, and even after a BF he will not sleep in the moses basket.

We are tearing our hair out - can anyone offer any advice? For our (and our neighbours) sanity!!!!!


  • Swaddling and/or dummy. I know they say no dummy until estabished breastfeeding, but I gave my boy dummy on day 3 I think, and he never had any issues with breastfeeding.

    Swadling is fab as it stos their startle reflex waking them up. Also when swaddled they will not feel the temperature change that much when put down.

    Good luck!
  • First of all congratulations! And well done for giving bfing a go!

    Dont worry about your neighbour cause this will not be forever. Could you put your son in the pushchair and take him for a walk? That way when he falls asleep you can leave him there.

    Or try take him out for a drive in the car (although obviously cannot leave him in his car seat too long but could try transfer him to his moses basket...).

    I was told to put a piece of my clothes in the moses basket so it smelled like me. Could it be colic or wind? Im sure others have heaps more advice.

    Good luck image

    Emma x
  • Adam always napped in my arms when he was tiny! He refused to sleep anywhere else!

    Can you get in a comfy position and just let your LO sleep on you? It's a massive shock being born and it sounds like your baby just needs the reassurance of being held close.

    Don't worry about instilling bad habits just yet. Your LO will learn to sleep in their basket given time image

  • i would agree with cath. i let my newborn sleep on me all the time in the first couple of months, after every bf he would just curl up on me for 30 mins - 1 hour. you get nothing done of course but it's lovely.

    Later, at around 6 weeks i started swaddling and this was the beginning of him learning to self settle. definitely give swaddling a go.

    your LO is only 3 days old. Just enjoy this time with lots of skin to skin contact and forget about everything else. if you've found a way that he will sleep - i.e. being held by you or OH - you're doing really well.

    Congratulations, and enjoy! xx
  • Beth was just like this for weeks. We took it in turns having her sleep on us. MIL even came over and did some middle of the night shifts in the v early days when she really couldn't be put down.
    It will pass. Just keep trying. We tried loads of things to make moses basket cosier (warming it, my t-shirt, womb sounds, rolled up towels etc) but none worked. It just took time for her to calm down after being born really. By 6 weeks she was ok to sleep in there.

    Just do what it takes to get through this stage. Put a film on or grab a book and enjoy the sleepy cuddles. I worried all the time that she'd never sleep on her own and now I sooo miss those lovely cuddles as I don't get them now unless she's poorly.

    Def try swaddling. That worked wonders for us - we didn't stop swaddling for naps until 7 months, 5 months for night sleep!)

  • Hey hun congrats on the birth of your little boy.

    I think what I have realised is that sometimes babies just want to be held and that is the end of the story! Its not that you are doing something wrong. Maybe its just too much of a sensory overload for him and he needs the security of being on you. I gave my baby a dummy right from the start and that has helped settle him. I let him sleep on me quite a bit in the beginning. Try and get a sling and that way you can still get on and do things while carrying him around.

    I also think you should put some of your clothing in his bed. And we used a sleep positioner so that he is snug in his moses basket... and to swaddle him is key.

    I know this doesn't help you, but hopefully its just a phase as he adjusts to his new surroundings.

    If the problem persists maybe take him to an osteopath... I know quite a few people have found that this has helped with the crying.

    Also, for the first couple of days they are really still pretty out of it, so as he wakes up more now, or is more aware of his surrounding, you may struggle a bit.

    Good luck I hope it improves. x
  • Thanks all for your help - it's nice to hear all the advice!

    Being first time parents, we are both really clueless as to how all this works, so thanks SO MUCH for your advice.

    I do have a swaddling blanket which I bought from Boots, so I may give that a go.

    I tried a dummy, whilst he likes to suck on this, he ends up spitting it out and then starts crying again. It's a Tommy Tippee one - are there any others that are better?

    Had MW visit this afternoon, and mentioned colic/wind to her, although she thought it was unlikely ?!?!? as BF babies are not prone to it? I have wondered if this could be an issue though, because when he's in the moses basket, he draws his legs up towards his tummy as if he is in pain. What can I give him at his age to see if it is wind and something may help? (it could be something to cross off the list)

    Thanks again!
  • Swaddling is wonderful. We used SwaddleMe pouches which were marvellous - I'm actually selling mine (1 sage 1 baby blue microfleece, if you're interested) as he's outgrown them, but he settled well in them.

    Failing that, get a sling and just let him have that nearness he's craving. It's a huge adjustment, being cast out of a cosy womb into the outside world, and contact with you is his safe haven. It's not forever, so enjoy the newborn snuggles and leave the housework for another time.
  • Congratulations.... my lo is only 5 weeks but I wish he had just popped out all over again. We had the same, Freddie loved and still does to a certain extent, to sleep on either of us so I just pulled up a chair and snuggled up with my little boy and I do not regret it at all. After the first week and def when hubby went back to work, I started carrying him around in a sling when he had his fussy moments but now he is just soooo different and will happily lie in his cot. Your little man needs his mummy - someone once told me that newborns think of you both as one person and they need LOTS of cuddles. Enjoy every second and soon you will want lots of cuddles and he will be runnng around!!!! x
  • You can use infacol from birth, which can help babies to bring up their wind. It worked wonders for us xx
  • Mrs Setters, I would definitely be interested in your pouches, if you let me have details of how much you are looking to sell them for.

    Will go and get some Infacol in case that does the trick and helps him settle

    For those of you who had similar problems, during the day I can put him in sling, but at night - what did you all do? Am guessing that swaddling is my only option?
  • For first 2 weeks MIL, OH and I took turns holding her!
    I would feed, go to bed (even if it was only 7pm!) while OH held her, then I'd feed and hold and he'd sleep. It was shattering but honestly, looking back it seems such a short period of time now and in a few months it will to you too. Sometimes we could put her down asleep and she would stay asleep for a little while - we just kept trying. She got better for night sleep much quicker than naps which was a relief. I have a sleep book that explains that developing night sleep is actually a natural biological development in first 6 week so don't worry - yours will get better at wanting to sleep more at night!)
    But yes, swaddling saved us! We used miracle blankets from Mothercare which were brilliant as they didn't loosen much.

  • Just on the dummy thing MrsD2B - I started out with the newborn TT ones but found the teat was soooo small that it just kept slipping out of Matilda's mouth within seconds. I went up to the 0-3 and they are much better - gives her something to get hold of! x
  • TT Cherry ones are quite big and round so might stay in easier. Beth would only take these ones, and even then only for 2 weeks! She's a strong willed little monkey!
  • Drop me an email through my button and I can send you a pic of them!
  • Benjamin did this initially too and it passed quickly. Not read all the replies so someone might have suggested this already but we found if we warmed his moses basket with a hot water bottle first (obv taking it out before we put him in and making sure it wasn't too hot) then he would sleep better in his basket - so he wasn't going from warm arms to cold basket. Also a dummy is well worth a try x
  • Because he cries when put in moses basket it can only really be that he prefers to sleep on you. I agree with the above advice, just let him sleep on you. If he has cried for hours he is probably completely overtired and the more you put him up and down in moses basket the more stimulated and overtired he will get = hours of screaming. Just give him a big feed, get on the sofa, get yourself calm and hold him while he sleeps for as many hours as you can, repeat for the next 6 weeks. PLEASE don't worry abut habits, it's nonsense before 6 weeks.
  • Day 1 at home was very much like this for us. We'd spent 10 days with LO on SCBU and was thrilled to get home till it came to bedtime!
    Hubby and I took it in shifts holding her in bed trying so hard not to fall asleep (after scaring ourselves from reading about the potential dangers. Neither of us got much sleep but LO slept like a dream on us!
    Day 2 we tried a number of things to increase the appeal of the moses basket. I put the nighty I'd worn in the hospital on the bottom for her to smell me (nice!). We rolled a blanket up and nested it around her head and sides. And we put an extra layer on her, like a cardigan. She was absolutely fine from night 2 onwards.
    In hindsight I think she was simply cold. She'd gone from being in a cosy incubator in a boiling hot hospital, to our relatively cold house and just a couple of blankets for warmth - she needed our bodies to feel warm and comfy.
    My LO hated swaddling because she hated (and still does) having her arms restrained. But try swaddling, and if your LO doesn't like, try the nesting thing - makes them feel more secure.
    Good luck and don't worry it will get better
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