"My Baby" - a question!

I'm not trying to be confrontational, but I wondered if people could explain why they have such a strong dislike of mums/mils calling their infants "my baby"?

My mum has done this with my DD since she was born, and does it with DS now. It's never occurred to me to be bothered by it! She adores them both, and I actually love observing the close relationship she is developing with my children. I was very close to my maternal GM before she died - and she used to call me 'hers' too!

they are, after all, 'theirs' in terms of them being their grandchildren, but it seems to provoke such a strong response and is mentioned on here over and over. I'm not saying people's responses aren't 'right' but can you explain why it bothers you so much? Surely the more love and devotion a child gets, the more people that totally adore it, the better that is??
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  • It doesn't bother me if my mum says something like that, just if my MIL does!

    Most things my MIL says annoy me though :lol: :lol:

  • I just want to aknowledge before I write what i'm about to write that I know this is totally unfair and irrational. But its ok when my mum calls my little girl 'my baby' (not that she says it that much) but when my mil and sil say it it winds me right up, so i guess for me it must be an in law thing for me, although they do take over a lot more than my mum does so they already got off on the wrong foot if that makes sense. My mil text me after we told her i was pregnant this time and said i'm pleased we are expecting again and I know she means well and i would never say it in 'real' life but my god that wound me up!! bless her she cannot do right for doing wrong !!
  • Surely the more love and devotion a child gets, the more people that totally adore it, the better that is??

    Absolutely agree! And it irks me when people say "s/he's MY baby, not anyone else's" - well actually they are their own people, and having them to hold and nurture is just a passing privilege :\(

    However, anyone except me calling my girls "my babies"? NO - that would annoy me a lot! As I said above I believe they don't really "belong" even to me, but they DEFINITELY don't belong to anyone else! Stupid, isn't it?
  • Ive not seen anything like 'this' mentioned on here ...... will be interesting to see what people say.

    But to be honest if my mum went around calling MY son 'her baby' I wouldnt say anything, but I dont think I would completley like the idea of it after all he is MY baby and not hers. I look young as it is, often have the older geneartion make comments to or about me, im nealry 23 but I get called a teen mum all the time. So surely if my mum was to say it was her baby people might believe her .....

    If people dont like it/like it then thats up to them each to their own I would say.
  • It doesnt bother me but then my MIL doesnt do that. My dad calls LO son and I wonder if it annoys DH but he doesnt do it in a possessive way, its just his affectionate term, he also calls him m'laddo in the same way.
    I think sometimes its maybe a cause of who's saying it, not what's being said as such, can relate to that, one rule for one, one rule for another....

  • they are, after all, 'theirs' in terms of them being their grandchildren, but quote]

    Yes but they are not saying this, they're are saying "MY Baby" which is completely different.

    I have no problem with my mum or MIl refereing to my children as "THEIR" grandchildren because that is a true, but they are not "THEIR BABIES" .

    They weren't there at the conception or the birth so why should they have the privilage- they've had their turn let us have ours?!
  • Maenad - great post, I've often wondered the exact same thing, to the point of actually thinking how I feel when my MIL does this and pondering about whether or not it should bother me. Bottom line is that it doesn't, my DS is her grandchild and she is besotted by him. The love and bond they are going to have will be wonderful xx
  • I hate my MIL but I actually think I could cope if she called my kids 'her babies', it would be an encouraging indication that she gave a shit about them! I don't envisage me ever having to worry about it, though.

    I guess I just don't see that it takes anything away from me as their mother. I'm happy to 'share' my children, and the love of them. It has huge benefits for them, for my parents, and it makes me happy to see the love flowing between them!
  • My mum calls my lo her 'little munchkin' and in the past 'her little baby' and to be honest it didn't worry me in the slightest. The relationship a child has with it's grandparents is hugely different to the one with it's parents so I have no reason to feel uncomfortable/undermined by them saying it.
    Having said that, we don't speak to my in laws at all, haven't for 2 years and to be honest due to the 'strained' relationship we had before I'm not sure how I'd have felt had they done it while we were on speaking terms.
    After all, our children are people in their own right, they are most certainly not possessions that we 'own'.
    Difficult for some I guess but not for me.
  • Totally agree lilac. My mum has never done it but the MIL does it all the time, I actaully told hubby that it annoys me so the next time she did it he said "no mum hes our baby". She is far too quick though & said "I wanst talking to him I was talking to you darling". EVIL WITCH!
  • I am a massive double standards bad person!!! My Mum doesn't say it, but I think it wouldn't bother me if she did, however when MIL does it I hate it. I think you have to know her to understand why - she is just awful. She disguises her interfering, fuddy duddy judgmental ways with declarations of love and only wanting what's best. Although she would 'never dream of telling us how to raise our son', she will openly criticise how BIL (her eldest son) raises his when we do just as they do! The thought of me therefore raising 'Her baby' makes me feel sick. Classic quote 'oh I wish I could feed my baby'. Well you're not lactating are you so fuck off!
  • I suppose it helps that DH and I have a fantastic relationship with my parents! If we didn't get on it might feel diffeent!
  • Oh muffin Mammy I think we may just have the same MIL. Haha you did just make me laugh xxx
  • I've seen people post on this too. I don't mind it when my mum/MIL say this - I always joke "nooo she's miiiiiine" lol - never bothered me in the slightest. Same as you though Maenad I have a great relationship with them so perhaps this alone makes all the difference.
  • I think you hit the nail on the head there Maenad. I think it really depends on the kind of relationship people have with their relatives. My mother frequently refers to my dd as her gorgeous girl, her little girl, her best girl etc and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, I think it's lovely... but then we have a great relationship. I would imagine if you don't have such a good relationship with your mum/mil then it would be another annoying thing to add to the list!
  • You are all 100% right...good relationship would make a world of difference...as it is I live on a bed of resentment with MIL so she could probably do everything as I think I want it and she'd still irritate me! Lol!

    I am going to hell!
  • I don't have a baby (yet) but I am guilty of doing this with my nephew, he is nearly 9 and I still smother him in kisses and say awww my wee baby.... I have no idea if it bothers anyone?! image x
  • I have a brilliant relationship with both my parents and my inlaws, yet it would still annoy me, no question! Maybe I'm just not a very tolerant person.
  • It depends completley on the situation for me. My dad phones and says 'how's my wee pal?' or 'how's my boy' and it doesn't bother me at all. At the end of the day, they are family and he is loved by everyone. However, I have a possesive in laws who like to take over al holidays and birthdays. Everyone went in a huff with me on my birthday because I took lo to stay with my mum and dad that day because they hadn't got to see lo enough. When I challenged them they ACTUALLY said 'your mum and dad need to realise were are your family now' I nearly died lol I mean seriously? I'm supposed to forget about seeing my own mother on the day she gave birth to me just because they think I should be with them instead? Nonsense. They also only refer to lo as 'the baby' and never by name because they don't like it. The only person who does is mil so she calls him it but no one else does. I have always been called 'the wean' but that's a Scottish nickname for the baby of the family and that's different.

    I think if it's out of affection I wouldn't mind...like I said my dad calls him his boy and my mil often asks how's my baby and that doesn't bother me...but when I referred to lo as my baby once, she corrected me and said 'i think you'll find he's OUR baby' ...that was out of order imo
  • When my sister does it, it irritates me, because she's fantasising in her head that she has a baby and parades my son around as if she's a proud mother. When he was born she insisted that I bring him into her work, I took him there at 9 days old and she took him off me at the door and gave him back when I left. I was really tired and shouldn't have done it - but I just wanted to keep the peace. She poses for photos with him, in Jak's first 4 months there were more photos taken of her holding him than of me with him. I think it's the sentiment behind the 'my baby' phrase that makes me cross. It doesn't matter if my parents or inlaws do it, my grandmother did it yesterday and my heart swelled with pride, but when my sister does it - that's very different! He's not 'hers', she's not his mother, no matter how much she'd like to pretend he is. Grr!!!!!!

    Also, it bugs me no end when I see thousands of photos of him (and a couple of videos) uploaded to friggin' Facebook without me knowing. Then all her friends comment on how he's so gorgeous, and she says "Thank you, I think so too!"!!!!!!! *rage building*

    image

    Modifying this because as I read it back it seems I don't want people to have photos with my son - which i do! But she insists it's just her and Jak, it's just a bit creepy and as though she's his mum. I'm not explaining myself very well, sorry!

    [Modified by: EmilyB on September 11, 2010 10:42 AM]

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