Feeling a bit down :-(

Hi everyone, my beautiful son is 3weeks 1day old. He's a good baby- cries when he's hungry, wet etc but for some reason I'm feeling really down. I feel like I can't cope with him and everyone else is better with him than me. I'm really struggling with the lack of sleep as well. I'm going to be on my own from next week and I'm dreading it. Don't know what to do with him!

Also I'm worried as I'm not sure if I should have him in a routine by now? At the moment he gets fed when he's hungry and goes to sleep when he's tired- I've read Gina Ford and Baby Whisperer and just feel stressed by it all.

He's asleep in his Moses basket and is gorgeous and I love him but it's just been such an overwhelming life change which I knew it would be but I obviously wasn't prepared!

He is starting to be more awake inbetween feeds and I don't know what I should be doing with him? I put him on his playmat or show him his black and white book- is that enough?

Sorry for the moan- just needed to get it off my chest!


  • You are not alone at all. I think every new mother I know has felt like this (I know I certainly did), no matter how much support they have. I know it's easier said than done but you will feel better and more confident about you lovely little boy before you know it. The days/weeks/months go by so quickly that you just seem to adjust, your instincts just seem to kick in.

    Having a baby is such a huge upheaval and life change but I found the best way to get through it was to just go with the flow. I didn't worry about not having a strict routine, I let my dd find her own routine over time. She's almost 6 months now and although we've always seemed to have a good bedtime routine, the daytimes have only just become more so. I personally didn't see the point in forcing her to follow a routine just because some book said it's what they were supposed to be doing. Every baby is different and will work out what's best for them over time.

    As for the playing, I just did what you are doing, putting my dd on her playmat and showing her black/white books etc. We only ever had a few toys (a couple that rattled and a couple that had a little flashy light on it) and they seemed to do just fine. I worried that she wasn't getting enough stimulation but she was fine. When she was bored of the toys I just pulled silly faces at her and made strange noises and that kept her occupied for a while before we went back to the play mat.

    Being a new mummy is so overwhelming and everyone has their own opinions on what to do for the best, but please don't ever feel like you are alone. Ask for help, from friends, family, GP, HV, and just believe in yourself and your abilities as a mummy.

    That was probably a bit of a ramble, but I hope some of it helps in some way.
  • First thing hun, put the books down. I think the best way to do it is to learn yourself, books can put pressures on you and being a new parent is a massive upheaveal. My lo is 9 months and I still struggle. I think everyone does, it is not easy and sometimes it can be a massive shock to the system, there is suddenly this new person in your life that you don't really know and they are completly dependant on you for everything.
    Try and relax, he is 3 weeks old and he will fall into his own routine to start with, we did this with lo when she was born, she woke every four hours for a feed and a change and eventually this increased and the she learned to develop her day and night routines.
    Don't feel so pressured to keep up, you know him better than any other person as much as you think that other people is better with him, they are not and you will start to see this. To start with on your own it's stressful because you are unsure how you will cope but it is a good thing and it will build your confidence with him.
  • Step awayyyy from the books! lol.

    Do what feels right for you - by all means use the tips in the books but don't think you're doing something "wrong" by not following them. Many of us ladies are led by our lo's needs, including me and she is 9 weeks old now image

    It sounds to me like you're doing lovely - when they are so little play time is limited but my lo loves her play matt and I babble away to her constantly whether we're at home or out and about - and each day she gets more and more responsive so stick with what you're doing x

    Definitely use the people around you - even if you have someone you can trust that can babysit for an hour or two so you can get some fresh air, walk round the shops, go for coffee etc - a little bit of "me" time can make the world of difference. If you can't do this then take your lo along, he will probably sleep through the whole event! lol - my dd always did in the early weeks but these days she's taken a dislike to shopping!!! mmmmm lol.

  • Congratulations!!!

    You know how you say that you love your baby? Well he loves you just as much and is happy as long as you are there, that's all he needs, just to have you close by.

    The books etc are all very nice but all he needs this young is to hear your voice and look at your face. So really you give him everything he needs just by being there, feeding him when he's hungry and helping him to go to sleep when he's tired.

    Nobody has any idea what they're letting themselves in for, you're normal on that and a month in it's hard because you realise this is it, this is your life and it's a little scary. At those moments I used to just hold my LO and know that in time we'd all get used to it. 7 months on and I know he's a happy baby, it takes time to believe that you're doing everything perfectly for you and your baby. I look back now to those first few weeks and know I was doing great on reflection, it takes time to know you're ok at being a mum, and actually a bit blinkin' great at it sometimes too!!!!! Believe in yourself.
  • Thanks so much for your lovely replies. I'm nearly in tears reading them! It feels good to know that I'm not alone and that maybe I'm nt doing that bad a job after all. My mum came round and babysat for a couple of hours tonight and me and OH went out for dinner! I know I'm so lucky to have a healthy baby boy but I didn't realise it would be so blimmin hard!!

    Thanks again

  • It is a huge shock and I dont think anybody expects it to be as hard as it is, plus you are still recovering from labour or section and it is not an easy thing to do plus the sleep deprivation, nobody can prepare you for it all. Make sure and take an hour at night and lie and soak in the bath or do something else relaxing because you do need it, you are doing a great job xxxx
  • I haven't read the replies but just wanted to say that how you're feeling is perfectly natural.

    A couple of things I wish someone had told me-my lo fell into his own lovely routine at 6 months old, once you start weaning everything falls naturally into place based around meal times. Prior to that , bedtime is a great place to start-a little bath, massage, song .

    You have years ahead to entertain your lo, at 3 weeks old all they need is cuddles, don't worry about doing activities with them. Fresh air and love is always a winner xx
  • Defo put the books down sweety, go with the flow and enjoy your baby!

    Dont feel pressured with routines and entertaining your baby... they pretty much just need cuddles up to the age of 8/12 weeks ish (depending on development) as there isn't much else you can do with them!!

    I know with my first i felt as if when she was awake i should be reading to her or singing or something but i never got anything back from her and that's because she was just too young! I use to feel so guilty for just sitting her in her bouncy chair and getting on with things... don't feel like this hun its not necessary! Trust me when they want entertaining they will let you know... my 22 month old doesn't let me sit down :lol:

    Hope you feel better soon xx
  • i felt very down when my LO was that age. the first bit is the hardest bit by far. dont worry about a routine just yet. when a baby is young enough to demand feed, its difficult to set one. my son didnt have much of a routine until we started weaning, then it was easier because the day was structured around meals.
    also, it might be worth telling your health visitor about your feelings. theyre there to support you, not just there for your baby. when i was feeling down, my HV put my in touch with a family support worker from the childrens centre. it was helpful for me to have some to talk to other than family. she gave us a few useful bits of info and also told us about the groups that were available at the childrens centre. it might be worth you looking into what they have in your area so that you dont feel on your own. theres a group near us called babies playing which is strictly for pre-walkers, so everyone else would have very young children too and theyd know how you feel. things will get easier and you will feel better - trust me! i spent the first few weeks not being able to imagine how on earth people coped with babies, but now im so in love with my son and being a mummy that we're trying for number 2, i hope that you feel happier soon. good luck xx
  • Hey,
    My daughter is 2 weeks old today and I too am feeling very down today, just feeling very tearful, she just seems to cry constantly, she holds onto her wind and I seem to spend ages trying to burp her. She cries in-between feeds constantly and I don't know what to do with her, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
    The thing is I don't want to cuddle her too much as I don't want her to end up too clingy with me but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing or not.
    I'm also feeling very clingy with my hubby, constantly wanting re-assurance and asking him if he still loves me. He has been such a good support and is so good with me and bubs.
    Sorry to sound so depressing, I'm just lacking in confidence today. x
  • The thing is I don't want to cuddle her too much as I don't want her to end up too clingy with me but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing or not.

    smiley08, this is exactly how I was. But you arent encouraging clingyness by giving too many cuddles. In fact, it will foster independence. You cant spoil a baby that young, so enjoy as much cuddles as you can give hon.

    To both of you, my best piece of advice is to ask you to think about how much better you are at motherhood, and more in tune with your new baby, this week compared to last week, and compared to the first few days. You have come a long way since then so stop and give yourselves a pat on the back. It IS hard work. It IS overwhelming. Nothing or no one can prepare you for it, then there is your hormones that are raging and the sudden sleep deprivation. Like the girls said, your motherly instincts do kick in (they already have image ) so be proud of yourselves and know that things will fall more into place every day/week/month that goes by.

    Big hugs - and dont be afraid to have a good cry!! It's therapeutic! And we've all been there for sure. xx
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