🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options
Lost my baby girl
Ive made a website with my twins Beau and Blairs birth story and Beaus sort of well life story. My little baby beau died aged 3weeks on 28th july. i miss her so much. its hard to understand why my babys been taken away.
Please just take a minute to read it and leave a comment, it would mean quite a lot to me.
http://inmemoryofbeaunicole.blogspot.com/
Its not in much detail. im not ready to do that. but i needed to do that just to put it all together in my head and straighten out what has happened. maybe it will make it make more sence. and maybe it will do nothing. idk
Please just take a minute to read it and leave a comment, it would mean quite a lot to me.
http://inmemoryofbeaunicole.blogspot.com/
Its not in much detail. im not ready to do that. but i needed to do that just to put it all together in my head and straighten out what has happened. maybe it will make it make more sence. and maybe it will do nothing. idk
0
Replies
luv clare.x.
My oh was a twin, his twin brother was very poorly at birth and spent several weeks in hospital, he then returned home and died of cot death aged 4 months. I am 20 wks pg with our 2nd child, and at about 10 wks pg, the blue rose bush that is planted in my oh parents garden, in memory of his twin, flowered a pink rose!!! We had our 20wk scan yesterday which confirmed we are having a girl!! The reason i am telling u this, is my oh says that hes always felt like he has a guardian angel watching over him, looking out for him, telling him things he thinks he should know. So i hope this brings you some comfort that your little baby girl will always be watching over your baby Blair.
I do hope that baby Blair is doing well, and is a healthy little baby.
I really can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I hope that writing your feelings down & talking will help release some of the hurt, anger & pain you must be feeling. I hope Blair is doing well & getting stronger every day & that you find your strength from her.
Glitterstargirl, Sienna is beautiful & you should be so proud of her. She may be gone but it is obvious that she will always live on forever with your love. Both of you are amazing women & I am just so sad that you have had to suffer such incredible losses.
My thoughts are with you xx
yeah blair is doing ok ish today she was a bit poorly i was holding her and she went blue because she couldnt breathe properly so the drs whisked her off and did a load of tests and an echo of her heart because shes got holes in the middle wall (its called a VSD) and now shes got a heart monitor on aswell and i dont dare hold her again.
glitterstargirl im about to go on siennas site now. im sorry for your loss too. this world isnt fair and i wouldnt wish this pain on my worst enemy
love kaylie x
Glitterstargirl - I'm so sorry for your loss. Sienna was a beautiful little girl. Our 2 girls were born with a rare congential disorder & we came very close to losing both of them. The pictures of Sienna in the incubator really brought that time back & I'm in tears thinking of your loss. I know there's not much I can say, but I am thinking of you both and sending you love.
Emma x
That is so sad, I had to keep going back to read it cos I couldnt see words for tears streaming down my face!!!
I dont know what to say apart from you are so brave and strong and I cant even begin to imagine what you have gone through and what you are still going through.
My heart really does go out to you
xxxxx
Im really sorry to hear what you have been through, both yourself and your little daughters. You are a very brave and loving mum. I was pleased to read that Beau was given the strength to wait to see her mummy's face.
Reading your story has made me cry, currently using my daughters muslin to wipe my tears from my cheeks. Although my daughter is really suffering with a cold and lots of catarrah...its nothing compared to what your daughters are/have gone through.
I hope you have family/friends by you who are close to you. Am I right in reading you are quite young too? I hope you health impoves too and that sooner rather later your daughter and you can return home. My love and thoughts go out to you and your family at this hard but precise time. thanka for sharing it with us, the site is lovely xxxxx
having read your blog of october........it made me realise how much I /we take for granted. I hope you pull through and get to have an enjoyable Christmas as a family together as a unit under one roof.
How are you doing in yourself? Good to read blair is putting on weight, sorry to hear about her recent health problem. Please remember, none of what ha happened is your fault. Be strong for your children, just remember, they need you as much as you need them. Love to you all....thinking of you xxx
im not feeling that great tbh. i actually talked about beau to a friend i made in hospital for the first time in ages yesterday and boy did i cry. it should have been useful but its just brought all the emotion back up to the top again kwim. and i had dialisis today and it just makes me sicky and dizzy and bleurgh. and i cant move much wen im on it so usually i go mental on it. today was a relatively good day i suppose.
blair was a bit better today i got to give her a stroke without her sats dropping. shes so like limp and tired though its hearbreaking. and i just like i dont even know how to explain this but i just dont have any motivation. nothing makes me thing oh yeah thats why im living. like blair and paris. i know they need me and i love them. but just... i dont know. nothing matters anymore. its all just extras.
and talking to the psychs is hard hard work. i want so much to let them in but i just feel like they dont care. im not there to talk im there to be analysed and turfed out with a label.
silly i know
but its like theres 2 people in my head. one going'oh go on kay you can do it' and then a very loud voice going 'nah whats the point just sit on your bum and wait for nothingness and drugs'
blair is doing alrightt ish now she had her heart surgery on friday and then after it she had a few seizures and last night she had another 1.. it was so scarey.
Keep strong for Blair, she needs you too.
sorry to your friend for her loss.
glitterstargirl - i am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl.
I've sent you an email hon.
Big hugs to you and Blair and Angel Beauxx