I feel broken

I am 26 years old and found out almost as soon as I conceived that I was pregnant at 8 weeks and 5 days I found out that I was having identical twins. I was shocked and happy and within a couple of weeks me and my partner had got our heads round the surprise that we were having two. I had thought about wether they would be boys or girls and what we would call them. I wondered what they would look like wether they would look like me or their dad. i was over the moon that we had been given the gift of identical twins. Last weekend I attended a & e with what I suspected to be food poisoning and the hospital checked me for dehydration. I knew at this point that there was something wrong with the babies, I could feel it in my bones. I insisted on further tests to be done or more to be done but was sent home with no follow up appointment or anything. This weekend at 13 weeks pregnant I started to bleed a little immediately I attended the a & e department to be told I would have to wait until Tuesday to find out the fate of my babies, we were on a Saturday. So I would have to wait from Saturday until Tuesday worrying and heartbroken at the fact that I was bleeding and hadn't in my two previous pregnancies. Sunday night I started passing blood clots and at this point I knew that I was loosing my babies I attended hospital again under the instructions of the medical staff I had seen the day before. We sat there for two hours just waiting to be seen in a room at the side of the nurses desk. We were breaking our hearts while we listened to the nurses laugh and joke with each other while they drank their cups of tea and coffee. I Couldn't bare it any longer my heart was breaking and I was starting to feel my chest tighten. we already new that the babies were dead at this point we just didn't no what to do we were then informed we would have to wait a further couple of hours to be seen, I walked out of the hospital and wanted to go home. My partner insisted I needed to rest but I couldn't, hours past and eventually I dosed of through crying so much. I woke during the early hours of the morning and went to the toilet, everything was coming away. I tried to get in the shower but it wouldn't stop. Eventually I managed to get in the shower and it began to get worse. I couldn't breath my chest was so tight, I felt like my heart was exploding in my chest, the pain both physically and emotionally was too much. I had never felt a pain like it. My partner came into the bathroom to realise what was happening and saw the bath filled with what had come away. He broke down in tears, he could see I was breaking and tried to hold it together to sort me out, to support me. A couple of hours past and everything seemed to slow down. We went straight to hospital and I was admitted for a day. The next day I had a scan and waited in a room on my own with a group of pregnant women. I sat there trying to hold back the tears but it was too much. I broke down and then began to have a panic attack. the staff took me in for my scan after I had managed to get my breath back. They had confirmed that there was no sign of either baby and that I had a ruptured membrane. After treatment I left hospital and came home. The pain I feel is too much to handle I go from angry to crying to feeling numb. I don't ever feel like I will get past this and I feel that on my first visit to the hospital more could and should have been done to prevent my babies from harm. It wasn't though and I blame the hospital for the death of my children. I honestly don't no how I will ever get past this and I don't no how to stop all the hurt and the pain.