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Grieving alone

Hello 
I lost my dad very suddenly in may last year, we had just came home from a 2 week holiday in America, celebrated my mam and dads 26th wedding anniversary and 2 days later he was gone. I had just finished my second 12 hour shift sitting in my pjs eating my tea when I heard a knock at my door, it was my mam, my brothers and my auntie and uncle stood there. My mam dad auntie and uncle had just went to Leeds for a couples weekend on that morning so I was so confused as to why they were all standing at my door at 9 o’clock at night. I immediately thought something had happened to my nana. So I opened the door after warning them not to bring me any bad news. I opened the door to be told it wasn’t my nana it was my dad, he had passed away in a hotel in Leeds that afternoon and he was gone forever. I fell to the floor screaming in disbelief. Every day since has been a massive struggle. I’m only 26 my dad was only 48 and we had only just lost my mams mam the year before. I have 2 small children who depend on me and I am back to work as I only took 3 month off, I wasn’t ready to go back but with sick pay being so crap and being told to go back to work, I did. I feel like the world is on my shoulders at the minute. No one understands what I’m going through, I don’t talk to my friends about it they can’t comprehend the pain I’m in as they all still have their parents, so the only people I can talk to but refuse to because I don’t want to upset them is my mam and my brother. Even my with my partner I choose not to talk about it because he’s not the best at giving emotional support. I’m just at a loss and feel like it’s taking it’s toll on my mental well-being. 
Thanks in advance for reading I know it’s a long post 
xx

Replies

  • Hey I know how you feel. I found my brother last September unresponsive. He had a problem with addiction and I knew I he was gone but couldn’t not try to help him. I attempted cpr on him which felt like forever until help arrived just to tell me what I already knew that he was gone. He was 35. Not a second goes by I don’t think of him or wish I had gotten there sooner to check on him. This was all while I was planing a wedding, which we still went on to do. Then had a misscariage 2 weeks before Christmas. I sometimes feel like just giving up, that I had enough. I don’t really leave the house or talk to friends. The misscarage really just put me over the edge. I feel like nothing will ever go right but I still do have a small a lint of hope! And that is what I am holding on to! 

    I am so sorry for your sudden loss. It’s the worst indescribable feeling. At moments you think you can do this then others you think I can’t go on. But you have to. You have people that love your father would want you to be happy. Have you tried talking to someone? I have attempted to then never follow through with it 
  • Thank you for your reply
    it sounds like you’ve gone through a lot of trauma aswell I’m so sorry 😢
    yes I’ve finally rang to seek some counselling but I think the waiting list is very long tbh. I just feel so low but I have no other choice but to just get on with it I’ve got my children to care for and no one can do my job as a mother. It’s just hard to deal with day to day rubbish when inside you just want to scream and hide in bed all day. I may look fine to people on the outside but in reality I feel like a ticking time bomb like I’m going to have a break down xx
  • I know they don’t make it easy to talk to a counselor. I have tried once before and it’s not easy to just go talk to someone! I don’t want to say things will get easier because I don’t believe it will but I think we find strength in other people. Like for you to find strength in your children. To know they need you and you need them. I wish I better words to offer you but I don’t. But I do feel bad and I am also struggling and here if you ever want to talk more 
  • Thank you so much xx
  • @Beckyp1234 and @Summer08 my heart goes out to you both. You’re describing one of my worst nightmares. Death is such a final thing and it hurts so bad. 
    I was 21 weeks pregnant when I lost our little boy nearly 2 years ago and I’ve never felt pain like it before. The grief is horrendous. I actually remember thinking that I’ll have to go through this pain when I lose members of my family and the thought of that is just horrific.
    Im so sorry you’re both going through this. We hear of death a lot but when it happens to you, it’s like being run over by a huge bus. The pressure and pain is indescribable. I think taking each day a step at a time is the only way to get through it. Or each hour a step at a time in the bad days! Having children means you do have to carry on and sometimes going back to work can help for a certain amount of hours a day. I know everyone’s different though. 

    I definitely think counselling is worth a try. I really wish there wasn’t a wait for this though. 

    Sending you big hugs and remember that We are here if you need to talk, rant, cry etc. It’s all part of the grieving process and you need people to be there for you.xxx
  • also @Beckyp1234, I’ve just thought, I know you don’t want to upset your mum, but have you considered that she might be feeling exactly the same as you and sometimes crying together can actually help. She’ll already be hurting so it might be worth hurting together sometimes. She’d want to know how badly you feel.xx 
  • I do try talking to her but it upsets her so I keep it to myself. I’ve tried to have many conversations with my partner about how I’m feeling and how I don’t think he understands how strong I’m trying to be. Doing the school run every morning then going and doing 12 hour shifts there’s just no time to breath let alone go through the grieving process I think I’m entitled to and he just shuts it down and continues with whatever he is doing he thinks I’m just having a go at him for not being there but I’m just trying to express how low I’m feeling and it just doesn’t register to him because he’s never lost anyone of importance to him xxx
  • hun i know exactly how u feel :( i lost my dad 3 years ago....at the time i was only 20 years old....it was a normal day i woke up he was sleeping in his lazy boy while the news was silently playing i woke him up kissed him n hugged him n went to work....he looked a bit sick so i asked if he was ok and he said yea bub im just tired.....i went to work and my mom called a few hours later n told me he wasnt doing well that he hadnt left his chair and he said he felt worse....she tried to give him some water but he couldnt drink it he choked it up.....she called the ambulance and i left work.....later that night he was diagnosed with the fastest spreading cancer ......before we took him in he only had a hip problem n needed a replacement....the had done xrays and everything.....they NEVER mentioned anything irregular....it was far too progressed to be saved....he died 4 days later at 5:10am :( i still havent gotten over it
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