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Why are people so stupid?

People just don't seem to get it! Why do freinds & family not grasp that losing our babies is one of the hardest things we will ever have to cope with. Every day I am just stund by peoples thoughtless comments & their general lack on consideration. Sorry guys I have to rant!!!


  • Oh wooly. Rant away, I'll join in too- I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. It really does hurt when the people who you thought really understood as best they could turn out not to.
    I think it's very much that to them this baby/these babies never existed, it was just an announcement, a pregnancy, a dream.
    It was us that had the aches, pains, growing bump, hb and scan, labour(another thing NOONE gets- I still have nightmares - just because Angel is not here doesn't mean the birth didn't happen and I remember it as vividly - if not more so- than my son's) and all the horrors to come afterwards.
    It hurts so much to lose a child and the fact that everyone else moves on is fine but I really wish they'd appreciate that I can't and I will always remember I'd had a daughter, even if they can't! Why's it ok to cry over a dead relative but not the baby I knew?!
    Example: I find it upsetting that my ils have never once mentioned either of my losses, (aside from telling me I'd 'lost weight' first time!!!!!!!!!) it's like I was never expecting and I have to be this super strong, life is peachy person with them and I just want to scream. My Oh told bil we'd gone to visit our daughter, he had to repeat it about 5 times before it was understood but the excuse was 'the signal was bad on phone' I'm not stupid- I get that this isn't effecting anyone else and she's forgotton about- and yet everyone else thinks it's ok to moan about the most trivial things and I just want to slap them and ask if they're taking the mickey deciding to ??????moan to me over this crap when it's nothing in comparison to what I'm not 'allowed to feel' . I don't mean that in a selfish way as of course people have problems but it's not fair if they expect me to listen to theirs when I'm not given an ounce of compassion from them -grrrr!
    Rant over image but yes, completely understand and Im sorry I do and that you're feeling it too x??????
  • Sorry that turned into a rather huge let off steam moment!!!!!!!!!

    I really am sorry someone got to you and hope that you're feeling better than you will have been when writing this. How are things going with you in general ATM? Hope you're ok, take care x
  • Wow....I am not alone. You are so right about everything you just said. We would get more compasion if they had known the babies.

    Not only did I rant here yesterday but I ranted on face book & the young plumber at my work thought it was all his fault & the poor guy doesn't even know about my girls lol He must have been feeling guilty about something hehe.

  • It is very annoying! My sister tends to say the wrong thing all of the time, as does OH's auntie, which has resulted in a family fallout between Russel's mum and her! Russel's dads girlfriend isn't exactly the most sympathetic person either, she compares what we have gone through with losing Darcey to what Russel's dad is going through.... ( a custody battle for his daughter) Not only that she thinks Russel's dad has it worse because we don't have the option to see Darcey again so can 'get over it' but Russel's dad is being deprived of seeing his daughter by her 'evil' mum!!

    Does that make sense??? We have also had a few unintentional hurtful comments on facebook!! The hate list could go on.... I just try to rise above it and stay calm and smiley. Hope you are both doing ok xxx
  • Oh wooly, poor plumber friend- lol! I'm like that though- always worried Ive done something without having a clue what it could be, oversensitivity is a nightmare grrr!
    Celidha- that must be hard.
    The problem is you always feel like you have to bite your tongue don't you and then you think well, WHY!!!!!!!! And stress more!

    Hope you're both doing ok x
  • im new to the forum but i just wanted to say i know exactly how u all feel!! i lost my 11 month old baby boy nearnly 6 months ago and i feel as if people think i should be ok with it now! im not expecting people to tip toe around me and watch wat theyre saying forever but some people can be so insensitive! my sister has recently had baby boy and even tho i am pleased for her i dont wanna hear how cute his laugh is or how much he loves bathtime when i know im never gonne have that with my jackson ever again!! why cant people just watch wat they say?? i also feel as if ive just gotta smile and say ahhh thas nice or awww bless him when all i wanna do is cry or scream at them to shut up!!!! sorry for ranting on, hope im not alone at feeling like this image xx
  • Hi Molly,
    No, you are not alone. My sister gave birth to my nepher 2 days after I gave birth to my girls so I totally understand that one. I think I'm shocked that the people I thought would be there for me have not & the people I thought would not...totally have been there for me 100%
    How weird is that!!!!
  • My friend lost her baby to CVS at birth, her beautiful little girl was born asleep at 38 weeks. I didnt know what to say to her when I found out I was pregnant. She is my best friend and I ended up telling her before anyone. She said she felt honoured for me to have trusted her to keep it secret. I also asked her to be my lo's god mother. She's very open about what happened to her princess and like to talk about her all the time. She says talking about her keeps her alive and she enjoyed telling me about her pregnancy and things. When my little girl was born healthy, silly as it sounds, but i felt guilty. I wanted to shout to the world I had a daughter but I felt I couldnt. She sensed it, she told me to be proud I had been blessed with a daughter and to be proud of it.I suppose what im trying to say, in relation to your comments from a different perspective is that as long as you knew your babies are still loved, sometimes people do say the wrong things but they do care and always will. No one will understand your pain if they have never been through it. I lost a baby at 8 weeks and that still really hurts, but still I didnt know what to say to my friend.Its a toughy and everyone is different. I hope this helps x
  • because the topic of baby loss is such a taboo subject no one wants to talk about there is a film being made in the uk with top stars called peekaboo look on the net to learn more about it
  • Hello I know how you feel. George was born at 24 weeks and he lived for a week during this time I had messages congratulating me on the birth and people wanted to see me and George to give me gifts and flowers. He was born 4 months early yet my family was treating it like a normal birth and after he died people just behaved like he never existed. Now whenever I try to talk about him people change the subject and it breaks my heart. It's been 6 months now and I still feel lost, people seem to think that we can just have another baby but it's not like that as I am still not pregnant. I am extremely jealous of how starting a family is easy for some and find it really hard to be around people with children, even my own family. All we ever wanted was to have a family and to be good parents, being given this and then having it snatched away is the cruellest thing ever. I am truly dreading Christmas, think me and the husband need to book a trip abroad to get away from it all!

    That's how I feel and my life will never be the same and nobody understands unless they have been through a similar experience.

    ???????a baby fills a hole in your heart that you never knew you had???????
  • Hi all, im totally with Blacklake here! I find it difficult to be around other families we desperately wanted Lily and to have her snatched away is cruel.
    I have been quite lucky in a way as my IL lost a baby to sids at 18 months and although pauls dad never dealt with it and couldnt cope with all that went on he did his best. Paul's mum was amazing! My mum lives in turkey and at the time couldn't fly so she couldn't get here. She had to still born boys so knew this pain but couldn't get here.
    My grandma and pauls mum came to the hospital to meet Lily, pauls dad couldn't and my dad wouldn't. My dads first coment to me when i told him lily had died was oh well at least you know you can get pregnant! I am getting married one week from today and i am having lillies in my bouquet, on the cake and on the ring cushion my dad told me this is not right as lillies are for funerals. He was very upset at her funeral and i think its because until he saw the coffin he didn't think of her as a baby but now he will not mention his grandaughter.
    I agree that the people who you think will be here just arn't and the ones you dont even think of step up. I told all my friends i will be talking about Lily, she is my daughter, i am a mum and will talk about my child with the best of them, most of my friends are supportive of this, if i do something for lily they join in. My cousin has been fab, she is like my sister and she joins in talking about her we talk about lily as she is still here, she is, in our hearts.
    One of my so called best mates yesterday sent me a text saying she was posting something on my wall on facebook and saw a womans profile pic that was very distressing and she was very upset as it was an angel baby and it wasn't right. I lost the plot with her if she finds it distressing how does she think that woman and me feel !! its ok for her she has her son so why should we be quiet and not put things up incase we offend those who have their children????? i would love to put up with a bit of 'discomfort' and have my Lily with me!!!
    Sorry that also turned into a rant there !!!!!
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