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how long did u leave it? And advice needed
Hiya Ladies,
Hope you've all been okay? i was just wondering how long did u leave it untill you tried to concieve another baby? I crave it so much somedays and its causing arguements between me and my partner cos he wants one now... and some days so do i, so i tell him i do and other days i tell him i dont... so i keep giving him mixed signals. but i cant help it cos like i said sometimes i do..
I dunno what to do..
Nikki xxxx
[Modified by: Nikki & Graham on 06 February 2009 20:12:09 ]
Hope you've all been okay? i was just wondering how long did u leave it untill you tried to concieve another baby? I crave it so much somedays and its causing arguements between me and my partner cos he wants one now... and some days so do i, so i tell him i do and other days i tell him i dont... so i keep giving him mixed signals. but i cant help it cos like i said sometimes i do..
I dunno what to do..
Nikki xxxx
[Modified by: Nikki & Graham on 06 February 2009 20:12:09 ]
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Replies
My name is kat and i just wanna say that i am so so SORRY to hear about your loss of your little boy i no how you feel and when i say i no i really do, i had a stillborn baby girl on christmas day 2008 and it was the worst day of our life you just never EVER think its going to happen to you and why should you there is so much they can do these days so why should it even happen at all!!
My head has been a mess i have that one big question..WHY...? most of the time its never even answered which is why we find it so hard to deal with.
When we first lost Daisy me and my oh both said that we would never do it again but as time has gone on we have both changed our minds and we are ttc again. i no what you mean when you say that some days you crave to be pregnant i was very much the same and still am...some days i forget that any of it actually happened and still think that i am still pregnant its crazy how are minds work.
Me and my oh was talking a couple of weeks ago, just before Daisy's funeral we was looking at poems to have at her funeral and we picked this one and in it, it says about bearing another child and when my oh read it to me i was crying my eyes out and when the poem got to that part i said to him..."but i dont want another child i want her" and i thought to myself then im not ready to do this again....but i do want another child thats why i had Daisy to add to our little family, so i think i wont no how i feel about having another baby untill it all happens again if you get what i mean by that.
i hope i have been some to help to you and i hope to hear back from you real soon...remember that your not on your own with how you are feeling hun i feel the same to and i no how hard it is to pull yourself through each day.....i still cry so much and it still hurts as much as it did the first day...but it only makes us stronger remember that!!!
Thinking of you hope your ok take care
Kat xxxx
[Modified by: kat_1986 on February 07, 2009 09:47 PM]
Thank you for your reply.. i know what you mean its sooo hard. so you are trying to concieve at the moment? hope u dont mind me asking how far was you when u lost Daisy? yeah i dont think ill know probally till i concieve again. but its so hard. my family keep telling me to wait a couple of years but i dont know if i can. i know their only looking out for me and they are going through it too but i dont think they understand why i want another one now (if that makes sense)
when i was going through my little mans funeral, i felt exactly the same about not wanting another baby and wanting him. but when we do concieve again we have them to thank (if u get what i mean)
Hope to hear from you xxxxx
Its great to hear from you i hope you are copping ok!! yea we have just got started on ttc we thought that we would at least have one period so thats all over and done with, we are not putting full attention on it as we dont want to get our hopes up every month to only be let down...so we are looking at like this...if it happens it happens!!
I was 34 weeks when i lost Daisy she was 5lb 3oz such a great weight at that stage we was all quite shocked...but i had a really bad pregnancy had premature rupture of the membrane at 19wks and was told we was going to lose her then and didnt ,had a scan a few days after it all happened to find that all the fluid was fine and baby was doing fine growing well no problems....so took things slow and started getting really excited about the fact that we was going to have a little girl...i went shopping mad lots of lovely little dresses and little tights all matching stuff tiny shrugs and dollie shoes, we all ready have a little boy so one of each is the perfect family!! Any way we thought everything was going sooo well...untill the 1st of december when my waters finally went stayed in hospital for a week had steroids and antibiotics and was let home a wk or so later didnt do nothing over the following weeks was at the hospital every 2 days having blood and ctg, scans etc everything was going so well untill xmas morning when i woke up i had no movement and when i went to loo i saw that i bleeding so we went straight to the hospital a little while after we arrived we was told the bad news i was all ready in labour but they still induced me to make things quicker so my full labour was only 3hrs long...THANK GOD!!
The best thing to do is go with how you feel and what you and your oh want remember you was the one that went through the worst of it no else will actually no how you are feeling...the emptyness feel is just unreal....go with what you think is best!!!
i so agree with you when you say we have them thank, our little angels will help us through next time.
Did you have a name for your little man? (hope you dont mind me asking) and was you given any reason to why it happened?
My thoughts are with you so much xxxx
Yeah im coping ok are you? im also had one period and want to start ttc but i dont want to fall pregnant in march cause thats when i fell pregnant with Baby Bob.. ( we called him Baby Bob cos thats want my bump was called the whole way through).. I gave birth to him on the 2nd December 08 so we were kinda going through it at the same time.. i was in labour for 36 hours. I know what you mean ive got 2 suitcases full of boys clothes and that. and his cot, moses basket and everything is still up in his nursery. He was my first baby. And there was no reason why it happened all they said was they should of got him out at the growth scan. xxxx
Yeah im coping ok are you? im also had one period and want to start ttc but i dont want to fall pregnant in march cause thats when i fell pregnant with Baby Bob.. ( we called him Baby Bob cos thats want my bump was called the whole way through).. I gave birth to him on the 2nd December 08 so we were kinda going through it at the same time.. i was in labour for 36 hours. I know what you mean ive got 2 suitcases full of boys clothes and that. and his cot, moses basket and everything is still up in his nursery. He was my first baby. And there was no reason why it happened all they said was they should of got him out at the growth scan. xxxx
Steve and I have decided to get married in June and then start trying after that. I really can't wait to have a baby, but I am so scared of trying again, I don't think I could survive going through it again.
I am so desperate for a baby I feel like I am cracking up. But I am so scared at the same time. We were told to wait 6 months before trying again so that will bring us nicely to the wedding. But I really can't get excited about the wedding.
Sorry to highjack your thread it's just nice to finally hear that someone actually knows what I am going through. xx
im doin ok...well i think i am, im just taking each day as it comes at the moment i have good days and bad days....mostly bad days but i have to carry on for my little man...he is only 3 so i he keeps me busy bless him he is my world even more so now....i dont no how i would of carried on with life if he was my first....you have done so well and been so brave!!!!!
I love his little name its soooo sweet you must of felt so angry when they said that to you!!! i have still got my 6week check to come yet...should get it through soon i hope!!!! will get all the results and everything.
i understand about you not wanting to fall in march i feel the same about having to carry through christmas...so if i dont fall pretty soon then that will be the case...it was the worst christmas ever and this year is going to hard to...just like it will for you!! it must be so hard seeing his little nursey all set up. xxxxx
Hello vickic,
hope your doin ok!!! just wanna say that im really sorry for your loss my thoughts are with you im so glad you found us when i saw this post from nikki i was so pleased to be able to speak to some one that was going through the same thing!!
Congratulations to you and steve on the big day im sure as time gets closer and you start planning things you will start to feel a bit excited...i hope you do any way!!! i sleep with a teddy that was brought for my little princess and when i sorted all her stuff out i just cried into it all like you did. i have read many leaflets that have said you should wait 6 months but i just cant wait that long im desperate for a baby. i have also read lots of stories and people have fallen straight after there loss and 11months later had a baby...so i think everyone is different really.
Both take care Kat xxxx
Yeah i have more bad then good, but we will get through it! To be honest i have no idea how i carry on its just like a daze i think. Aww bless your little boy. If u dont mind me asking whats his name? Does he ask questions about where Daisy has gone? Cos my nieces and newphew does.
It is hard seeing his nursery but in other ways it makes me smile if that makes sense? I know i dont want to be due in december again, but in a way that sounds bad.. because that day was the best and worse day of my life.. Take care xxxxx
Hiya Vickic,
Im so sorry to hear about your little girl. if you dont mind me asking what was her name? Was she born on the 2nd Dec? I also wanna say congratulations on getting married, you both deserve it
xxx
My Email is nicola-jayne-x@hotmail.co.uk (if any of you wanna email me or add me if u got msn
my little boy is called Tommy he is so cute and really funny a right little monkey!!!! He speaks about Daisy all the time its real sweet we just told him that she was our special baby and that she has gone to sky, when we told him that he said to us that "she is flying in the sky like this mummy" and ran up the hall way with his arms infront of him pretending to fly....god i cried so much. He also used to play music to her on my phone and put it on my belly and Daisy would kick it off and a couple of weeks after i had her he got my phone and put the music on and put it on my belly and said"kick baby" it was so hard having to tell him that she isnt coming back and that she isnt in mummys tummy anymore!!! Also he was asking me the other day if we can go and get her now because he wants to hold her its really really horrible having to tell your 3 yr old that he cant....so yeah he dont stop talking about her,but in a way its nice because its good that he remembers her....we have got her ashes at home with us and he even picks up the little box and gives her a kiss soooo sweet....he done a picture of all of us and we put it on her tiny coffin and let it go with her to.
Do you find it hard when your nieces and nephew ask you questions about it all? Did you have a nice send off for baby bob? so do you think you will ttc again or do you not think that you are ready?... i totally understand when you say you are to scared to try again because you think it could happen again thats how i feel but like you said no matter of time is going to change that it will all be the same in 2,4,6,8,10 years time you just never no....!!!! next time round we will all just have to stay in bed for 9months
I will add you to my msn hun xxxx
Hope you are both ok xxxx
Aww he sounds so adoreable and sweet, it put tears in my eyes. bless him i bet it is lovely but hard hearing Tommy talk about Daisy and it will be nice Tommy growing up knowing he had a younger sister. Yeah my niece and nephew say hes a star in the sky and with the angels and that, it is lovely but upsetting. It annoys me though because i havent got him with me people talk to me like nothing has happened.. not that i want them to mention him its when they talk about labour and stretch marks and everything they look at me like i dont know what there going on about! i feel like screaming I went through it too you know. just because he isnt here they think i didnt have to give birth or anything. Yeah we had a lovely burial for him. i want to ttc now, i just feel so empty its wierd to explain - i just keep thinking what i would be doing if he was here..
yeah im not gonna move for the whole 9 months lol. Thank you, i got your add
how are you?.....sorry if that upset you a bit hun most people say the same thing when i tell them about tommy speaking her...he is sooo sweet with it though...makes me melt!!!!
i no what you mean about people talking to you like nothing has happened i get it all the time i speak to my mum alot about it and one of my really close friends i dont shut up about it some days!!!!....i got that feeling of emptyness its horrible!!! glad you had lovely burial for him its a day you prob wont ever forget...i no i wont!!!
Thanks for taking time out to chat its really nice to able to talk to some one that has been through it all. hope to catch you msn soon kat xxxx
I can give you some ideas on feelings you may have when you are pregnant and give birth. I have to say I did wrap myself in cotton wool with Emily and Elijah and they did turn out healthy although I went into labour a month early with Emily. What can I advise but take care of yourself and do only what you feel safe doing so you don;t worry too much. Pregnancy will never ever be enjoyable for me because I obsess I don't feel like my babies are safe in there now and I know I never will no matter how many healthy bubs I have. I expected my daughter to die all through my pregnancy with her I think I was convinced I would never have a healthy baby like I didn't deserve it for not carrying Gabriel full term. The nightmares are awful I am pregnant again and had a terrible nightmare last night about loosing my baby. When pregnant with my daughter I would dream of this little death creature stalking me trying to get her. When I finally got through my pregnancy and was in labour I still expected her to die and when she was born alive and well I could not believe it. I think I will always be effected by loosing Gabriel and I still have nightmares every now and then about the kids dieing but I have to believe their big brother watches over them and keeps them safe.
These are just some feelings you may have in the future. I was only 19 weeks pregnant tops with Gabriel and I understand people acting like they were nothing. Even though I was only 19 weeks Gabriel was like a minature baby when delivered and I had to go through a labour. People are so cruel sometimes. Gladly my mum knew just how to deal with it and even now she still lights a candle for Gabriel at xmas. She even got me a mother's day present after I lost him. We had alot of troubles after that and I moved out at 19 but they did not have to do with me loosing Gabriel she was good about that. Well thats about it if you have any questions about feelings you may have or do have don't be afraid to contact me my email is libranaster@hotmail.com, thats also my msn addy so you can add me if you want. I really don't envy those of you newly experiencing this as its so hard when the grief is new.
I also agree with the feelings of another pregnancy.
Nikki, after we buried Grace we went on holiday to Spain. Well if you can call it a holiday. We just wanted to get away from the constant checking of us and also the ignorance of others. We did lots of drinking and talking (we seemed to share emotions better when drunk in them early days) and said that there was never going to be a "right" time to have another baby. I didnt bother going back on the pill and we decided that we would let our girls decide our future, so didnt even bother using condoms. I fell 6 wks after Grace's funeral (3 months after giving birth). I cant lie, I found the pregnancy really hard. Every movement or lack of movement made me feel sick. I constantly used the word "if". If she makes it, if she's born alive, if this pregnancy ends good. I attended a bereavement group after losing the twins. This was excellent as I got a chance to meet other mums in similar situations. The only problem with this was that I took on board all of their reasons for losing their babies (every story was different). I did on occasions get excited about the pregnancy but when I did it was like having a devil inside saying "why are you getting excited, you know this baby is going to die". That might sound harsh but thats how I felt. When Ruby was born healthy I couldnt believe it. Her first cry will live with me forever and I feel like her sisters are always with us. When we were discharged from hospital the 1st place we went was to show Ruby where her sisters are. Ruby is now 9 wks and I still check to see if she is breathing. Im also very protective and even struggle handing her to my mum for cuddles, especially when shes crying. Its not easy but it is worth it xxxxx
Anyway to get to the point when we went for our meeting with my obsteretric consultant to talk over things I had two main questions I wanted to ask him. 1. How long should we wait before trying again? 2. What are the chances of the same thing happening again? Well when he answered my first question my shoulders felt about a tonne lighter and I could have hugged him. I told him I had been told two years and his words were 'that's crap' he says 3 months is enough time for your body to heal after a section and that the midwife must have meant two years to allow my body to 'mentally' heal, which he followed with no one can tell you when you are ready only you and russel(my oh) can decide. My second question- the risks of it happening again, there is around a 5% increased chance that it would happen again however if it did it would be very unlikely to be to the same extent and may only be a small abruption and we would hopefully end up with a better result. Also said I would be extremely closely monitored from the word go and that if I got anxious or worried I would be more than welcome at any point to admit mystlf in to hospital for as long as I felt I wanted to as often as I liked which is very reasuring.
So at the moment we have decided to wait the 3 months and see how we feel then. At the moment we are thinking we will start ttc then and I have started taking folic acid supplements ect again. I have my moments when I feel bad and asif I am 'over' darcey far to quickly but I'm not I miss her every day and will for the rest of my life, but I know we will be great parents and I think we deserve a little brother or sister for our gorgeous angel! God willing. I know the second I hold a healthy baby in my arms my dream has come true nothing will take the pain of losing Darcey away but I know nothing will bring her back so I might aswell move on and enjoy my life, live my dreams because I am doing it for two now, me and Darcey! It's hard but we will slowly get there I know. So I guess we will just have to see what happens, I know when I do fall pregnant I will wrap myself up in cotton wool. I will never enjoy being pregnant which is a shame as I loved my pregnancy with Darcey and although I moaned the sickness, the sore ribs and many other effects were completely worth it. To me my body has failed in some way twice and I don't see my 'tummy' as the safest place for my babies to be. I will be terrified something will go wrong and terrified for me too- I had lost so much blood and was ill too but what will be will be and no amount of planning or worrying will change that I know. Another thing that worrys me is having to go to work when I do fall pregnant again, I am still off work now and wasn't planning to go back to the same job as I didn't enjoy due to the fact the bosses are nasty greedy 'beeps'. Everyone tells me I don't have to work if I don't feel comfortable but I don't see how we would cope financially. Maybe I could go to college but if I did fall pregnant soon after the three months I would have to leave before the course ends and I'm not sure I fancy all the dissaproving looks from people who automatically asume just because I'm young that I went out had a one night stand and got pregnant which couldn't be further from the truth! Anyway I guess we will figure something out. Don't you just wish life was simple! X
[Modified by: CeilidhA on March 17, 2009 10:15 AM]