Guilt?

Replies

• Ditto2

  Aug 14, 2009 6:44PM

  Dear Wooly, Firstly I am so very sorry that you have lost your darling girls. It is such an awful thing to happen and a terrible heartache to have to endure.
  
  I lost one of my id twin girls to TTTS, fortunately the other one survived and so I have had both pain and joy but guilt is definitely an emotion that I have had to deal with, and still am.
  
  We had to make a decision about the treatment we were to have and to select which twin we probed with the laser so I feel like we almost killed her in our own way. After she was born I held Eve and cried and said sorry about a hundred times and I still get upset and say sorry. Ifeel like I killed my baby girl and yet, the clinical reality is that if we had done nothing then both girls would have died - no question.
  
  I think guilt is a perfectly normal emotion as we are their mummies and it is up to us to safely bring our babies into the world and to cherish them and look after them but mother nature deals a wicked hand at times and some things are so far out of our control that I think we have to concede that we cannot control everything in our lives.
  
  I dont know how you feel about having seen your girls but I think in time you will be glad that you spent some time with them. I was certain I had to hold and kiss Eve - my one chance to spend time and to look at her and I have that in my memory now. I have some photos too - did you rhospital take any of your girls? I have mine in a memory box for Eve and I go through them and cry for her and yes, still feel guilty.
  
  Please dont be too hard on yourself - it is such early days and the hormonal emotional changes you will go through are immense. Do you have support at home?
  
  I hope the funeral went ok - it is such a terribly sad thing to do.
  
  If you ever need to talk at all about anything then please email me - we are a great bunch on here and always here for you whenever you need. Greiving is a long jouney but we will all manage it, I am sure.
  
  Your darling girls are busy now, making rainbows and snowflakes and looking after you now, as your guardian angels.
  
  Take care.
  
  Tx

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• _Wooly_

  Aug 15, 2009 2:10PM

  Thanks, its hard to know how to feel. I'm trying to be soooo positive I think I'm glossing over how I really feel at times.
  
  Yes, I got photo's, hand & foot prints etc in a memory box. Its hard because in hindsight I would do so many things differently now.
  
  I hope your loss become easier with time. It must be so bitter sweet at times xxxx

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• _Wooly_

  Aug 20, 2009 6:07AM

  Thanks for replying. It helps to know how other people felt. These cruel things should never have happend to any of us xxxx

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• soda

  Sep 14, 2009 11:59AM

  hope you are getting lots of support and have been put in contact with people to talk to when you are ready? big hugs xxxxx

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• _Wooly_

  Sep 14, 2009 3:04PM

  Thank you! Big hugs back to you too.....think we both need them just now xxxx

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• dippymummy

  Oct 5, 2009 7:04PM

  I def feel guilt. Esp as he had a heart prob so until the PM results every little thing haunts me.
  
  I feel guilty for living, guilty for thinking about another baby, guilty for smiling.
  
  When Charlie died I held him for 4 hours. When we left as the police needed to come to our home to take pictures and we went back, he was stiff and cold and I couldn't bear to touch him at first. I soon got over it.
  
  Yesterday was potentially the last time I could 'see' him (PM was today) and I asked if I could hold him one more time and they said of course. I sobbed at first as I wanted him to open his eyes again but once that passed I felt incredibly at peace holding him and reflecting on our memories.
  
  I would have felt guilty if I hadn't of done that.

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• waiting4baby

  Oct 6, 2009 11:53AM

  I am also feeling guilty, it's easy to be told it's not my fault but until I hear the results I keep blaming myself... Maybe I ate the wrong thing, worked too hard, shouldn't have been sick, should have pestered mw more, etc. It's just impossible to understand why this has happened and I hate it, myself, my friends/family who said too much or not enough! I think we just have to go through all these emotions to get to the other side but I wish to God we didn't have to or indeed need to! Take care x

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• KS9

  Feb 18, 2010 12:55PM

  Dear Wooly I read your post. It brought tears to my eyes. I pray for god to look after you and your angels. We too lost our twin sons at 24weeks back in November 2009.
  
  My wife held both our sons but I did not although they asked me to at the hospital after they were delivered. The first was still born. The second lived for a few hours and then was slowly passing and they asked me to hold him and I declined. I will forever regret that decision and feel the guilt everyday.
  
  I know that they both can see inside my heart and see how much I love them both even now and how much I miss them although we only had them for such a short time.
  
  Everyday is hard and the road ahead will be harder and I wish I had some easier solutions for us and to offer you as well.
  
  My thoughts prayers and with you your family and your 4 little angels.
  
  

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• _Wooly_

  Feb 18, 2010 4:38PM

  Thanks for you kind words. I realised with time that it was totally normal to feel frightened. Its my over used saying on here but every day we all get stronger...thats how we carry on x

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