Having a bad few days!!
I've been struggling the last couple of days. My son Ewan was stillborn on the19th Sep at 27 weeks and we had him cremated on the 7th October, I thought I was ok and went back to work last Monday, but I got a call on Friday from the cemetry to say we could come and collect his ashes on Monday (tomorrow) and i can't stop crying!!
It also hasn't helped that i saw my Mum this weekend, she lives abroad so it's the 1st time since I lost Ewan that i've seen her. She went to a spititualist church this week and got picked out as having someone coming through to speak to her. It was apparently my grandmother with a new baby who died before he was full term, they said he is being looked after by all my family that have passed away. I'm not sure I believe in all of this but it's comforting to think these things,
Got to get through tomorrow and then hopefully things will get easier
It also hasn't helped that i saw my Mum this weekend, she lives abroad so it's the 1st time since I lost Ewan that i've seen her. She went to a spititualist church this week and got picked out as having someone coming through to speak to her. It was apparently my grandmother with a new baby who died before he was full term, they said he is being looked after by all my family that have passed away. I'm not sure I believe in all of this but it's comforting to think these things,
Got to get through tomorrow and then hopefully things will get easier
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Replies
tomorrow is going to be a very emotional day, but i hope u get through it ok.
sending u lots of love and u will b in my thoughts
xxx
I hope things went as well as they could. When I read your post I thought the message your mum got was so special....I hope it didn't upset you.
Take care x
I really hope you are beginning to feel slightly more 'normal' now, I know we're a week apart and my pain is still there but I'm beginning to try and look fwd now so hope that you will feel like this soon too.
Take care of yourself and thinking of you x
I think both ideas for the ashes are lovely, if you were to do a plant I understand what you mean about not wanting to leave it behind but maybe you could pick a plant that you knew you could take a cutting from should you need to. Had we cremated Angel I'd wanted to scatter her ashes over a hill where my grandfather went and we had picnics etc, I liked the idea of her flying into the wind and being able to go there to 'feel' her in the wind. She was buried though as oh wanted it that way, it's a childrens plot (they have buried ashes too), it's nice to have somewhere for her but I also feel like we could never move too far now.
It's so hard isn't it, we'd never thought about what we'd do ourselves even.
How are you doing now? We're beginning to feel more normal, she's still in our thoughts and hearts but I'm not crying every time I see a newborn or bump (only sometimes now). I've still not braved seeing my pregnant friend but I now feel like I will be able to eventually which originally I'd thought I never could. Really hoping you are begining to feel you are improving too, take care x
I totally understand you can't see your pregnant friend, my sister had a baby 2 weeks ago and i've not see her or the baby yet, although she does live 300 miles away so thats the main reason. She didn't tell me when she had it, the baby was born on the Sunday and I found out on the Tuesday when i logged onto facebook and found her "new baby" pictures on there, with comments from all my family. When I spoke to Mum she said they were trying to protect me from it. I cried my eyes out when i saw the pictures, it made me angry, you see she's 25 and this is her 5th baby, neither her or her OH have ever worked, having babies seems to be their income, oh she's also smoked through every pregnancy. It just annoys me, i'm 32 this month, me and the OH have both got good jobs and bought a new house this year. We did everything by the book, I've never smoked and alcohol did not pass my lips once while i was pregnant, where is the justice!! Anyway, rant over!!
It's lovely chatting to you on here, I know it's not the best of circumstances but it's nice to chat to thers in the same situation, keep us updated on your TTC, i'll be updating mine!!
xx
one of the most annoying comments I've had is people tellng me there mustve been something wrong and I wouldn't have coped- I loved her regardless, didn't care to take tests, my child is my child! Grrrr
I hope you manage to get through your sisters visit without too much hurt. I think the only reason I'm feeling stronger about seeing my friend is that I'm ttc which I know doesn't change Angels fate but makes me feel more ready to face the world in some strange way!
[Modified by: waiting4baby on November 08, 2009 10:24 PM]